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Am I "normal" to feel this way? (long)
Ladies I am feeling very down on myself. I do not know if anyone knows my story but I want to know if my feeling are normal so I am going to tell it in the "short" version. You all have been nothing but helpful for me. I am in the process of finding a counselor to easier express myself.
I fell pregnant shortly after meeting a man. Completely our fault but I thought I was since with me being on nuvaring and never had problems. Well things got hot and heavy one night and led to this precious boy growing inside me. I regret it being with a man I do not know well as I was fresh out of a very long term relationship. But I DO NOT regret the product of this night. Everyone tells me to select who I am intimate with but I do not regret it at all. I had a slim chance of getting pregnant due to cervical cancer scarring my cervix so this is nothing but a gift from god!! I am only 25 weeks along and would not trade him for the world even though I know we have a long and hard journey ahead.
When my childs father broke up with me we had been dating officially about 3 months and he just said he didnt want to be with me cause he didnt see himself with me forever just because of the child. Weeks before he told me hes never been more in love and happier with anyone. This is the same week he bought a house which is being built at the moment. We never fought before this but as soon as I was blind sided by this breakup I became a bit of a b!tch and wanted to stop talking to him to help me move on. I quickly found out he was running around with a new girl and became hurt. How can he love me and yet move on quickly. How could he give up his child for this. Is he just stressed and running. A house and a baby is a lot to take in. Is he just trying to prove he can still get anyone he want. My mind was racing! But I tried to move on for my sake and my sons since apparently he had made up his mind and I needed to be happy as well. Well stuff went on and I kept him updated since I am high risk due to IC and I moved on after finding him in little lies. I felt like he cheated but I guess I cant say that since he broke up with me before it happened. Anyways I feel like I am telling a sob story but I dont know how to tell it!
Well a month went by and we lived our lives but talked once a week for updates since I see the doctor weekly. Which usually led to fighting cause someone would misunderstand someone. So my parents offered me to make our guest room into the nursery since they saw I wasnt going to work stuff out with him which would work out perfect having help IF I need it and rent free and my son would have a great relationship with them. They couldnt throw me out on my butt like he could.
Well on Thursday he told me he'd like to work it out. I told him give me a few days. I thought that I should try since I rarely give up easy. I thought of how our life was before we broke up and I was so happy and we never fought. But I am also hesitant cause he up and left me now whats to say he wont do it again. He told a little lie whats to say he wont tell a huge one later. I'd love to have us together and have my pregnancy/labor/such happy and I'd love it all. So I told him lets try & now he's not wanting to again since he thought about how mad weve been at eachother and thats not how things should be. Mind games do not sit well with me.
Now that I have confused everyone including myself. Is it normal for me to want to work things out even though he is being this way? I know I am young and I have a lot of life to live and I will be more than happy with my son and myself. He is very persistant on wanting to be a part of his life and do everything he can so it hurts that its not the same with me. He is being wishy washy and I don't know what to do. I am ready to be a single mom but I hate thinking of sharing my son on holidays and such. I don't know if I should just forget him and move on and continue with the nursery or if I should wait for him to come around again, work it out and plan to live with him. I don't know who to talk to about this because my mom automatically says I need to try and work it out for my son since he deserves both parents. Ladies I am so so sorry this is so confusing I just need some opinions, advice, a little rant, and some friends. All mine went MIA once I got pregnant and I am on bedrest so I sit and think about this all day.
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Re: Am I "normal" to feel this way? (long)
First of all I think that there are MANY red flags here about this guy. While he may very well have been scared, his reactions were wrong and immature.
I would say that it's another huge red flag that he said he wanted to work on things, only to run away again.
I would say, when you are confused, do nothing. You also likely have tons of hormones and emotions going on that are compounded by being pregnant. That's not the best time to make crucial life decisions. He's always going to be around, you have a child together. What will be will be.
This is the best advice ever! It's gotten me through a lot of tough would be decisions that in hindsight would have been awful to make!
I agree with the red flags also...you don't need to be waiting around for him to "come around" because as fast as he comes around he could change his mind again and leave you in an even bigger bind. It would lead to you walking around on eggshells to make sure he's happy and everything is "perfect" which isn't possible with someone who changes their mind at the drop of a hat. You don't need that stress while pregnant or with a newborn when the time comes.
I hope you get to feeling better about yourself soon. Your LO needs a happy non-stressed mama so try doing other things on bedrest...read books...watch mindless sitcoms on nickelodeon or take up a hobby like knitting or crocheting things for your baby boy