Ah crap! I knew I couldn't get through Labor without family drama. Need advice!

RSMom32011 · March 2011

DH and I have a large family together. Between my friends that I consider family and his actual family, we had planned on having about 10-12 people there in the waiting room. Everyone invited is aware that it was just DH and I during delivery and that we plan on taking time afterwards with LO alone to bond and get to know our new baby. Everyone invited was perfectly fine and understanding with this. They all just wanted to be there. Great! No problems.

Well, I have an aunt that I'm not so close with. She's impatient, controlling, and just all together not someone that I want there right away. She just invited herself and told me that her, her husband, and her 10 year old daughter "Will be at the hospital waiting for the delivery."

I just have this image in my head of announcing LO's arrival to the family, and everyone else being patient and letting us enjoy our moment with our new addition and her being the one that pops her head in and says, " We're about to have to run, and wanted to see her before we had to leave."

How would you handle (gently) telling her that her family doesn't need to come down the day of?

soontobehimes · March 2011

Do we have the same aunt? I know mine will most likely be in the waiting room..and I can't really control if she is or if she isn't. I'm just dealing with that part. If she tries to sneak in "because she has to leave" let someone be in charge of telling her no. (That's my dad's job! Lol)

BunintheOven311 · March 2011

I know you've already invited people but we're keeping our 'invite list to parents only for this reason and only DH and I in the room until we are ready and cleaned up for visitors. Since I hate telling people no I would make up something like the hospital won't let you have that many people in the waiting room. I know our hospital doesnt allow children under 13 as a visitor so maybe yours also has that rule? you may want to check with them if you havent done so already. We were informed of this when we took our tour.

srs5624 · March 2011

Simple solution... don't call her. How's she going to know when you're in labor if you don't tell her?

TreatsMcGee · March 2011

Tell the nurses to keep her at bay!! If you don't feel like you can tell her, the nurses are more than willing to take matters into their own hands!

Mrs Anderson · March 2011

From past experience--- don't tell her your having the baby! & get the nurses or someone on guard to keep her out. Dont give in! & Its worth being rude. Trust me, the 1st time I got to hold my DD#1 I had about 10 family members run in and line up before they even brought her to me. Not to mention that I wanted to breastfeed & had to wait to have the 1st attempt b/c of them all wanting their "turn"! I'm a little bitter lol

thehurstfamily · March 2011

TreatsMcGee:
Tell the nurses to keep her at bay!! If you don't feel like you can tell her, the nurses are more than willing to take matters into their own hands!

THIS!! Let them know that NO ONE is to come back until you and DH give the all clear.

RSMom32011 · March 2011

srs5624:
Simple solution... don't call her. How's she going to know when you're in labor if you don't tell her?

I wish it was this easy. We're having a scheduled induction on the 18th. My mom (who has every right to be excited as a 1st time Grandmother) was just talking about everything to my aunt. So she found out. And then she invited herself via Facebook today.

elle980 · March 2011

I would have your mom or dad (who ever is the sibiling of the aunt) to talk to her about it!

srs5624 · March 2011

CupidsCuter:
srs5624:

Simple solution... don't call her. How's she going to know when you're in labor if you don't tell her?

I wish it was this easy. We're having a scheduled induction on the 18th. My mom (who has every right to be excited as a 1st time Grandmother) was just talking about everything to my aunt. So she found out. And then she invited herself via Facebook today.

Ah... in which case you or your mother (since she spilled the beans) needs to call your aunt and tell her that you're glad she's excited but there was a misunderstanding and only parents/siblings are invited to the L&D waiting room. She'll have to wait her turn and you'll notify her when you're ready for extended family and other friends.

If she gets pushy, explain that the nurses will be notified who is and is not allowed and they will refuse entry to those not invited. At my hospital, L&D is a locked floor. No one can get in without the nurses granting access... and they do ask for a list of family who is allowed to be there so they know who to let in and who to turn away.

This is the time to be selfish. Don't feel bad if you have to get blunt with her... remember she's being blunt with you by telling you that she will attend your delivery when you don't want her there.

veggybugg · March 2011

thehurstfamily:
TreatsMcGee:
Tell the nurses to keep her at bay!! If you don't feel like you can tell her, the nurses are more than willing to take matters into their own hands!

THIS!! Let them know that NO ONE is to come back until you and DH give the all clear.

Is your L&D area secure? At my hospital, the L&D area is locked and has an intercom to get back into there. The waiting room is outside this area. Just tell the nurses that no one is to come back and they should be able to do their job just fine. Wink

RSMom32011 · March 2011

srs5624:
CupidsCuter:
srs5624:

Simple solution... don't call her. How's she going to know when you're in labor if you don't tell her?
I wish it was this easy. We're having a scheduled induction on the 18th. My mom (who has every right to be excited as a 1st time Grandmother) was just talking about everything to my aunt. So she found out. And then she invited herself via Facebook today.
Ah... in which case you or your mother (since she spilled the beans) needs to call your aunt and tell her that you're glad she's excited but there was a misunderstanding and only parents/siblings are invited to the L&D waiting room. She'll have to wait her turn and you'll notify her when you're ready for extended family and other friends.
If she gets pushy, explain that the nurses will be notified who is and is not allowed and they will refuse entry to those not invited. At my hospital, L&D is a locked floor. No one can get in without the nurses granting access... and they do ask for a list of family who is allowed to be there so they know who to let in and who to turn away.
This is the time to be selfish. Don't feel bad if you have to get blunt with her... remember she's being blunt with you by telling you that she will attend your delivery when you don't want her there.

Yeah... I think I'll do this. My mom also spilled the beans to another family couple as well. They were just kind enough to call and congratulate us, let us know they were excited and that they'd be down as quick as we were ready for them.

Mom can be the bad guy. My aunt is going to be ticked either way... And in all honestly I sort of don't care.

vespa42 · March 2011

That sucks. The staff at the hospital should be able to keep all visitors out of the room until you are ready to see them. I don't even think its necessary for anyone to wait in the waiting room. Labor can take soooo long who even wants to sit there. I told my family we would call them once the baby is born (which may be in the middle of the night!) and that they could come visit after that. I want to spend time with LO before having to pass him off!

Phil&Corinna · March 2011

Mrs Anderson:
From past experience--- don't tell her your having the baby! & get the nurses or someone on guard to keep her out. Dont give in! & Its worth being rude. Trust me, the 1st time I got to hold my DD#1 I had about 10 family members run in and line up before they even brought her to me. Not to mention that I wanted to breastfeed & had to wait to have the 1st attempt b/c of them all wanting their "turn"! I'm a little bitter lol

This is my biggest fear!!!

I found out this week that I'll be having a c/s next Thursday and I told the parents not to come to the hospital until DH calls them - I will be in the OR at 2:30 but then in recovery for a couple hours before being moved to my room and I only wanted it to be me and DH and DS in the room - I want to BF and bond with my new family without a bunch of bystanders.

The day after I told them this, my MIL emails me and says - "I'm going to take Thursday afternoon off so I can wait at the hospital until you're ready for visitors!" I'm thinking "ummm, like He!! you are!!" So I emailed her back and told her that I didnt intend to hurt her but I'd prefer if she stayed home until DH calls.

OP - Good luck getting your mom to call your Aunt. I hope it works out the way you want it to!!

MissYouDietCoke · March 2011

Just don't call to tell her you are in labor?

ETA: Scratch that, I read the rest of your comments. I agree with your mom being that bad guy. ALso, are you really going to have 10 people in the waiting room from the beginning of your induction that could take 24-48 hrs? I'm scheduled to arrive at the hospital at 7p this coming sunday, and 1 set of parents doesn't want to know until the kid is already here, and I think I'm oging to tell the other set to fly in after work on Monday.

EmandChris08 · March 2011

vespa42:
That sucks. The staff at the hospital should be able to keep all visitors out of the room until you are ready to see them. I don't even think its necessary for anyone to wait in the waiting room. Labor can take soooo long who even wants to sit there. I told my family we would call them once the baby is born (which may be in the middle of the night!) and that they could come visit after that. I want to spend time with LO before having to pass him off!

We're doing the same thing, for the same reason. No sense in having our families hanging out in the waiting room all day... who knows how long it will take between when we arrive at the hospital and when the baby is born. Plus, I don't know if we'll feel up to having visitors right away.

I figure we'll call our families when the baby is born and let them know when to come visit. They only live 30 min. away, so it's no big deal.

green bean · March 2011

uggg my mom is already being crazy I already told people I just want it to be me and my dh in the delivery room and I was trying to explain to my mom where she should go when she comes , and she was like "oh Iam just going to tell them your in labor and ask where to go" ummm really your not invited in the room are you really just going to sit there in the waiting room for who knows how many hours . are you planning on wandering around the hospital, my bff is also pretending like I need to call her as soon as I go into labor, fine she can keep my mom and dad company in the waiting room!

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