Helpers for new baby, really? — The Bump
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Helpers for new baby, really?

Ok, so I've had multiple people ask me who is helping with the baby once we come home from the hospital. Obviously DH will be here for a few days and after work every single day but really do I need helpers? I'm pretty independent and can't imagine rotating my family members through my house to "help"

Obviously if there are any complications or a c-section then I get the need for help but for now we are all steam ahead for a normal delivery.

Am I crazy for thinking I have this covered while DH is at work? 

Mommy advice please.

Thanks

Kristen

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Re: Helpers for new baby, really?

  • No proven mommy advice from me, but I am in your camp with thinking that I won't really need a helper other than DH.  If I was giving birth to twins or already had a LO at home, then I can see it.  But as for me, I don't plan on having any help either.

    Frankly, having anyone at my house (other than my mom or dad), seems like more of a stressor than a help.  I'd like to keep my inlaws the heck away from me while I have my boobs flopped out all the time and look like crap from not sleeping.

    Looking forward to real mommy responses telling us we'll regret saying this...!  Big Smile

  • I had a c-section, and had my husband home for 3 weeks--his company has great benefits and he was able to use sick time.  Both of our parents live close by, so they saw us a lot at the hospital, then would bring by dinner by our house.  One day DH's family came over and cleaned which was nice. 
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  • See that's what I'm thinking. Having people here will only invade my space and I'm trying to adjust to being a mommy and don't need the stress of others. However, I must say that all my in-laws live across the pond in England so thank the Lord there will not be an invasion at my house. I just think even my mom at times would drive me batty. I too am praying for real mom advice with this.
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  • I think you will be fine.  You will probably want 'visitors' some, but not necessarily helpers.  It was nice for me to have some company every once in a while after DH went back to work, but I survived (and still am) without any help at all.

     I have twins by the way, so if I can do it with two, you'll probably survive one! Smile

  • Well, my mom would like to think she was a "helper". She made this big deal about canceling a vacation and working extra days so she could "take time off when the baby comes". I'm pretty sure she made the same big deal with my first child too with the same result. In then end, what it boiled down to was bringing a couple of meals over, watching the baby one morning while I took the dogs to the vet, and me trying to entertain her one morning while I struggled to breastfeed and my husband hid in the basement playing video games. (I'm sure she has fit a lot of shopping in as well while telling her job she is "helping" me!). Anyway, all this to say that we did not need, or really want, any "helpers".  Having a few meals brought over has been nice, but otherwise my husband and I have it covered.  Really, with me breastfeeding there's not a lot that can be done. I wish someone had offered to clean the house, but then again I may have been to anal and cleaned it before they came to clean :)

    All the friends/family members who have come over under the pretense of "helping" have kind of just sat around awkwardly while I try to entertain them and juggle a newborn.I will say that I'd rather people just come over to visit and keep me company rather than come over under the pretense of "helping". It's nice to break up my day at home alone with the little guy if I have some adult interaction - preferably if it's someone who won't mind if I whip out my boobs to feed the baby!

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  • I had a c/s so my mom planned on staying with us the first week home, but then MH's company shut down a few days after we got home so I've had his help. We're having a very hard time bf_ing, getting a lot better with the help of a LC, so iif MH wasn't at home i'd need the extra help/support.
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  • I'm one of those types of people who likes to just figure things out for myself. I don't want someone who is "experienced" hovering around, offering advice, you know? That sounds a little backwards, but I just didn't want the help. Let me figure it out for myself, and if I have a question, I know at least 10 people I could call for advice.

    So, we didn't have anyone come and help with us (and I had a c-section). My husband was not working at the time, so he was there to help around the clock, but I'm pretty sure I could have handled it by myself if he were working 8 hours a day - newborns eat, poop, and sleep A LOT. It's a life adjustment for sure, but definitely something that you can handle yourself!

    That said, don't be afraid to reach out for help if you want a break, or need help with something like breastfeeding - friends, family and LC's/nurses are there to help and offer advice!

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  • This is all great advice! Thanks ladies!

     I'm like Brenda and like to figure things out on my own...so I'm really hoping the in-laws and my parents stay away and don't hover too much (Other than at the hospital to see the babe and all).

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  • I think it totally depends on the type of "help" someone wants to provide.  I consider help what my mom did for me.  I had a c/s and my dh had to go back to work on day 2.  My mom came over everyday and cooked, cleaned, did laundry, walked the dogs, ran errands if needed, etc.  Help is NOT holding the baby for you.  I think I would've been fine if she only came over for the first couple of days, but I really appreciated it and it allowed me time to focus on BF and bonding with my new baby.
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  • image beccabrad:
    I think it totally depends on the type of "help" someone wants to provide.  I consider help what my mom did for me.  I had a c/s and my dh had to go back to work on day 2.  My mom came over everyday and cooked, cleaned, did laundry, walked the dogs, ran errands if needed, etc.  Help is NOT holding the baby for you.  I think I would've been fine if she only came over for the first couple of days, but I really appreciated it and it allowed me time to focus on BF and bonding with my new baby.

    I agree with this. I also think it depends on the person (both mommy and the person offerering). Some people offered to help me and I was like, 'Um no, I wouldn't trust you with my dog, why would I let you near my baby?' or felt they would be too intrusive. However, some of my family, like my mom and dad, sister, and my best friend...I felt 100% better having them help me and be there. Mostly they cleaned, cooked, ran errands, and kept me company. But I also had PPD/PPA pretty bad after DS was born and I need someone there for me. It was actually my dad who spent almost every day with me after DS was born while I was on maternity leave. He was/is just so amazing to step up like that. It has strengthened our relationship 10 fold (or more) and I have a whole new respect for him. I love the relationship he has with my son now.

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  • I had "helpers" for 2 weeks and was glad, even without a c/s. 

    When Andrew came home it was tough b/c his reflux was terrible, he wouldnt' eat, he couldn't be set down, and I had to feed him and pump (he couldn't BF).  My mom would take a night feeding, and let me pump (7x/day) while helping with Andrew, do laundry, make sure I got enough to eat (I was always starving but didn't have the time/means to cook anything good), etc. 

     

    It wasn't a requirement, but I was so appreciative. I also think it depends on the personality of the person "helping". :) 

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  • We had no helpers by choice for more than two weeks and it was great. I can't imagine having people in my space while trying to effectively breastfeed and deal with crazy pp emotions.
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  • Thank you everyone for sharing. This helped me so much. Love you bumpies!
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  • I didn't need a helper. I enjoyed not having to entertain anyone and it was nice to focus on our little family and BFing. It was definitely rough because I had a baby who had her days/nights mixed up and cried whenever I put her down. Then, she was colicky for 3 months. DH didn't help much because he didn't know what to do. He was helpful in getting me stuff or whatever, but not very helpful with the baby.

    I don't think I'll do anything different next time, except make DH help more :)

  • My mom stayed with us for a few days after James was born. She didn't help take care of the baby but more helped with everything else. She cooked, cleaned, and gave me an opportunity to nap while I was healing. I had a lot of stitches and anemia from the blood loss so I was sore and weak.
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  • Ditto the above - help is doing your dishes, bringing food, cleaning your floors, and running errands. Or holding the baby while you take a nap or a shower or go to Starbucks. ;)
  • image NDwife07:
    We had no helpers by choice for more than two weeks and it was great. I can't imagine having people in my space while trying to effectively breastfeed and deal with crazy pp emotions.

    This is my logic right now! I have become so much more of a homebody and I think I will just want some peace and quiet while trying to figure everything out. I am pretty sure my mom will be coming over, but she is great at staying out of the way and finding things to do in order to keep herself busy.  I don't think she would be in the way.  If my SIL comes over though, I think I would go nuts.  She's only 15, and has to be entertained every second of the day.  I'm dreading this because she lives down the street from us :-/  She usually cleans our house about once a week, and when she's there it's like she's a freaking tornado tearing through everything to get it done.  I won't be able to handle that after giving birth...I can barely stand it now lol!

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