Another GTKY - who are you "out" to?

Jessiree · March 2011

Another GTKY for you ladies:

Who (if anyone) are you "out" to about TTTC?

Why or why not?

Jessiree · March 2011

I suppose I should answer my own question! Smile

Who (if anyone) are you "out" to about TTTC? My parents, my sister, my best friend and two couples that MH and I are friends with know that we are having some trouble TTC. My mom, best friend, and one of the other ladies know the full details.

Why or why not? I really feel better having someone to talk to about everything that is going on besides MH, and he has appreciated that too, I think. We are also pretty lucky that all the people we have confided in are very respectful, and never ask annoying questions like "are you pregnant yet?!"

MrsVo · March 2011

I'm only "out" to my closest friends. I don't even feel comfortable telling my family at this point. Maybe I will down the road, but I'm just not ready yet.

I am Marla Singer · March 2011

Who (if anyone) are you "out" to about TTTC?We are out to both sides of the family, his mom and both sets of my parents. Most of my closest girlfriends know too. Why or why not?I am not really trying to hide it- but it makes me uncomfortable to talk about it. Like something is wrong with me... not fun to talk about. I am way less likely to admit anything TTC related at work- they don't even think I want kids- and I am cool with that.

punkymama · March 2011

I am "out" to my closest friends (3 women) they are also having problems so I have them there to talk to but we don't talk about it often and it works for all of us. We know we are all struggling and talk when we need to.

I am still for the most part, keeping it private because I don't like to hear opinions from others, who don't understand or haven't been through it. No family knows and I think it helps DH & I lean on each other more by keeping it between us mostly.

andrea817 · March 2011

I'm fully "out" to my mom & my 3 closest friends, one of whom is having the same issues I am. My boss knows that I'm having treatments b/c of the time that I have to take off of work. I told some of my friends when we started TTC b/c I was excited, as I wanted to for quite a while before DH did. So I assume those people must figure something's up, but no one has called me out on it. ILs know nothing & it's staying that way.

I sometimes wish I hadn't told anyone, b/c even when people are trying to be helpful, they sometimes make just the dumbest comments, I find that I have less patience for dealing w/ people. Even my IF friend is always asking me what cycle day I'm on, when is the IUI, etc. It's like it's some kind of contest. On the other hand, when people don't know, & they ask "why don't you guys want to have any kids", I kind of wish I had told more people b/c maybe then they'd leave me alone.

hootie123 · March 2011

My sister, my mom and one friend at work (only b/c she is also dealing with IF). And really only my sister knows everything - it was getting to the point where I needed to talk to someone other than DH about everything. I regret not telling my sister sooner. Other than that - I don't want the questions and advice that goes with telling more people. My DH is convinced that my mom told my aunts - but I'm not sure. Depending on what happens - I may tell my closest aunt because it may help (and I would also find out if my mom already told her!). But we'll see..... I tend to be a private person about certain things and I don't like everyone knowing such intimate details about my life. When we do get pregnant though - I think I'll be more apt to tell people the details about what I went through.

bumpuser794640 · March 2011

We're out to everyone, technically. Our family and friends know, and I've put stuff about it on Facebook. It's obviously not anything to be ashamed of, and people have been very supportive. I tell perfect strangers if they ask me if I have any kids (clients at work mostly, lol) and if they say something dumb I just take the opportunity to educate them a bit.

andrea1103 · March 2011

I am out to my mom and sister and a few close friends. It really helps to talk about it. One of my friends went through IF (without telling anyone) so she knows what we're going through. I would like to tell my SIL who went through IF with my niece (she's pg with #2 with no IF - yay!) but I haven't been able to bring it up.

btaylor19 · March 2011

We are out to everyone pretty much. My husband is not good at keeping things secret.

rebelina1 · March 2011

My friend best only and just because she went through IF treatments too. MH and I like to keep it private. We almost told my mom we were doing IVF but decided against it. As much as I know that she would be supportive I also think that she would question why we want another baby so bad. My side of the family has a history of "one and done".

I think our main reason for keeping it private is so that we don't have people constantly asking us how it is going or if we are pregnant yet. I can't stand that.

katib77 · March 2011

GnomeSweetGnome:
We're out to everyone, technically. Our family and friends know, and I've put stuff about it on Facebook. It's obviously not anything to be ashamed of, and people have been very supportive. I tell perfect strangers if they ask me if I have any kids (clients at work mostly, lol) and if they say something dumb I just take the opportunity to educate them a bit.

Glad I'm not the only totally out and proud gals. I don't go into deep details on MFI but I will talk to almost anyone about IF, treatments, etc. to try to educate.

peppersnic · March 2011

Only 3 people know. I am glad I never told family or general public because after 4+ yrs I would have gotten tired of the "so how are things going?" questions. We still get the when are y'all gonna have kids question and I always answer "maybe someday!"

The down side to that is when it does happen I will have to explain EVERYTHING to our parents. I know my Mother will be hurt, but she will just have to understand that I could not handle having people up my butt about something that is so sensitive. And now knowing it has been 4+ yrs there is NO way in this world that I could have handeled being asked all the time about it.

Thats how I feel about that!

tshott · March 2011

Everybody knows. I talk about all of my treatments and stuff in my blog, so it's there for anyone to see. I don't know how closely people follow, but I have no problem with talking about it there or to anyone who asks about it.

I just figured that it would just be easier on us if we talk about it and get everyone's support and prayers.

Glowconsin · March 2011

A few very close friends and a couple not so close friends (that I wish didn't know). Mr. Glow's sister knows, mostly as a result of her perpetually asking about cousins for her kids.

Sometimes it's lonely and frustrating being in the closet, but I hate being the center of attention and I'm not good with confrontation about personal things. One not so close friend DH told at a bar, and she's kind of a stage four clinger, so when I started getting upset (not at anyone) and needed to escape to the restroom, friend followed and kept peppering me with questions.

There was a former close friend that I told which ended the minute I received in an email her pregnancy annoucement "someone in the universe thought I'd make a great mom." That statement reaffirms exactly why it is that I don't want to tell people. If she didn't know about our struggles, I wouldn't be anywhere near as upset with her as I am now.

ADub09 · March 2011

we are out to everyone. it is annoying at times with the constant questions but it is nice to know there are people thinking about us and wishing us well.

Mrs.Slick · March 2011

Who (if anyone) are you "out" to about TTTC? We're out to our parents, one of my sisters, and a few select friends. Our bosses also know as a courtesy for missing work.Why or why not? I don't really feel like it's anyone else's business and I'm trying to avoid unsolicited advice. We still get some but by telling less people, I feel that we get less advice from well meaning but annoying family members.

ECUGirl2004 · March 2011

I'm out to my local nestie/bump friends on the NC Babies board, but only 1 friend from there gets all the gory details via email. I have 2 coworkers that I can talk to about all this stuff too. My supervisor knows that we're having trouble, but doesn't know any details. She just knows b/c I wanted her to understand why I'm out so much. My sister knows (doesn't get a lot of detail unless I need her support at the moment) and my mom knows, but just in a general way. I haven't given her lots of details and she doesn't know anything about the IUI.

Why/Why not: I really have not felt like telling many people about what we're going through. Mainly I just don't want to hear "just relax" or anything obnoxious like that. And I'm also worried that people would say something hurtful and upset me, so I've chosen to just not talk about it much. For the most part, I stick to my online support networks.

baloneydisc · March 2011

My parents, my brother & SIL, a couple we know that also had T-TTC, my 2 best friends, my boss & I think several of DH's co-workers know.

My family is very close, plus we've had two losses, so I would've told them at that point anyway. Our couple friends are a great resource & it's nice to have someone to talk to that gets it. My boss knows because he's been a friend for over 3-yrs (I've only worked for him less than 6-months). He knew when we stated TTC & when we had both losses.

TotallyLoCo · March 2011

Our immediate families, several close friends (many of whom are experiencing IF themselves), my boss and work teammates.

I share with many people partly because I feel like there's no shame in it, and partly to avoid getting the "when are you going to have a baby" question. The only thing I don't really want people to know is the exact timing of the IVF because I don't want everyone calling me on beta day to see if it worked.

maybebride · March 2011

Just about everybody in our lives know we're trying and have some concept of how long. How much they really know and understand the struggle varies.

I have three really good friends who are aware of pretty much everything. What we don't talk about, they read on my TTC blog--they are the only three people in my real life who read the blog. They've known since we started trying, so it was natural for them to continue the entire journey with me and I'm grateful for them.

My mom and my aunts also know the extent of where we are. My mom and one of my aunts struggled with IF (my aunt was never sucessful), it was natural for them to know.

Our other close friends are aware that we've been trying, but have no idea where we are and where we are headed with testing. Same with the rest of my family. DH's family knows, but they have ZERO concept of IF, so as of right now, there is no discussing with them.

I'm not one to keep it a complete secret. I'm a pretty open book about my life and I also feel like I am adding to the stigma by keeping it to myself. That said, though, I don't advertise it--I won't talk about it Facebook, or openly in conversation; I even started a separate blog.

Jing22 · March 2011

Jessiree:
Another GTKY for you ladies:
Who (if anyone) are you "out" to about TTTC? My mom. I was out to a friend, but have decided to not disclose any more information about our situation at my DH request.
Why or why not? I needed someone to talk to.

Ricola · March 2011

Only my husband and I know that we are TTC. We just didn't want to get questions about it all the time.

I may cave an tell my mum when she comes to visit us for 2 weeks, we'll see.

c&n06 · March 2011

My parents, MH's parents, my best friend and MH's best friend know. My SIL knows too b/c MH told her but I do not feel comfortable talking to her about it. I talk about it most with my mom. She so supportive and understanding.

I have chosen not to tell most people because I just feel like unless you are giong through it you can not fully understand what it feels like and what struggles IF brings. This board helps me so much as I am able to talk freely about it and know that you all understand.

mrsarjiltobe · March 2011

GnomeSweetGnome:
We're out to everyone, technically. Our family and friends know, and I've put stuff about it on Facebook. It's obviously not anything to be ashamed of, and people have been very supportive. I tell perfect strangers if they ask me if I have any kids (clients at work mostly, lol) and if they say something dumb I just take the opportunity to educate them a bit.

This.

I'm kind of out at work. I'm out with most of my co-workers, but not my department manager, but I rarely see him since I work nights, so thats ok.

Daisy07gray · March 2011

We are 'out' to about 40 of our closest family and friends thanks to some early announcing (poor DH's idea and it was super hard for both of us to go back and let everyone know), plus a few cloe friends on my side that I avoided telling, knowing I just didn't feel right, and more of his family since they like to know stuff so more people hae been offering suggestions.

We're not coming out to anyone else at this point in time, b/c too many people have unhelpful, often hurtful opinions and suggestions.