20 Things Moms Should Never Feel Guilty About (Lucky-n-Love, look at #1)

sistrkate · March 2011

I saw this online, courtesy of Parenting.com. I don't really know how they came up with this list, or who exactly says we shouldn't feel guilty, but I like the list so I'm sharing it. And I agree, that we shouldn't feel guilty about these things!

(Parenting.com) -- We could probably come up with about 200 things to not feel guilty about, but then we would just feel guilty about never feeling guilty at all. This list will give you the general idea of what kinds of not-exactly-maternal feelings are within limits, and what childcare chores you can cheat on now and then.

1. Wanting to stay home with your baby.

2. Loving your job.

3. Hating your husband now and then.

4. Still not wanting sex -- way, way, way after your six-week checkup.

5. Not reading to your baby as much as all the experts say you should.

6. Introducing a bottle as soon as you get home from the hospital (even though you're not sure your milk supply is established yet) so you can get some sleep.

7. Supplementing with formula at any time.

8. Lying to the other women in your mommy group about how long your baby sleeps at night (but you will get more sympathy if you tell the truth).

9. Not keeping up with all the milestones you're supposed to be recording in your baby book.

10. Never even starting the baby book.

11. Saying, "Great idea -- I'll try it!" to your mother-in-law's advice when you have absolutely no intention of giving it an iota of thought once she walks out the door.

12. Telling your partner you're going to the doctor for a checkup when you're actually going for a massage, pedicure, or to have your hair highlighted (it's not like he's going to notice anyway).

13. Paying cash for your massage/pedicure/highlights so he won't discover the credit card charge.

14. Refusing another mom's invitation to a playdate because you can't stand it that she can leave crystal on her coffee table and toilet paper on the rollers and her baby doesn't bother any of it.

15. Feeling a twinge of delight when the above mom's baby still isn't saying any words and yours has a vocabulary of six!

16. Putting on the Baby Einstein DVD for the third time before lunch so you can apply some makeup because that cute landscaping guy is due to come by and cut your grass sometime this afternoon (just because you don't want to have sex doesn't mean you're dead).

17. Wanting to spend Mother's Day alone instead of with your family.

18. Going to visit your parents for the weekend because you know they will insist on doing everything for the baby and your mother will cook all your favorite foods for you. (Grandmothers can spoil their own children as well as their grandchildren.)

19. Napping when the baby naps even though he's nine months old.

20. Driving your baby home from the mall with poop in his diaper because the bathroom is all the way at the other end and you know he couldn't care less anyway.

Moesten · March 2011

LOVE 14. I hate those women.

Completely disagree with 4, 12, 13. Lying to the spouse about money and withholding sex = good way to screw up one's marriage.

Edited for clarity of point.

kyfirewife · March 2011

Love it!

LMBO at #17 - a few weeks ago I asked my mom if it were bad that for Mothers' Day I just didn't want to have to do anything for anybody but myself, and that probably meant that I would have to be alone.

Related to #17 - last year one of my friends took his kids out for the whole day - including arranging for the kids to take their naps at a mutual friends' house - because his wife wanted the house to herself for an entire day. She's a SAHM, and told him she didn't want to have to go OUT to relax, she wanted to be able to stay in her own house and just have some "me" time for once.

jerseygirl81 · March 2011

Moesten:
LOVE 14. I hate those women.
Completely disagree with 4, 12, 13. Lying to the spouse about money = never a good idea.

This is exactly what I was thinking. I love these lists, most of the time, but then they always have to throw in something like that. WTF? We're not all stereotypical financial idiot women.

Moesten · March 2011

jerseygirl81:
Moesten:
LOVE 14. I hate those women.
Completely disagree with 4, 12, 13. Lying to the spouse about money = never a good idea.
This is exactly what I was thinking. I love these lists, most of the time, but then they always have to throw in something like that. WTF? We're not all stereotypical financial idiot women.

Amen, sister! I also hate that admitting one likes sex means having to give up her membership card to the I am Female Club.

sistrkate · March 2011

jerseygirl81:
Moesten:
LOVE 14. I hate those women.
Completely disagree with 4, 12, 13. Lying to the spouse about money = never a good idea.
This is exactly what I was thinking. I love these lists, most of the time, but then they always have to throw in something like that. WTF? We're not all stereotypical financial idiot women.

Forgot those were on the list, actually, I was such a fan of the others.

Like I said, I don't know who died and gave the editors at Parenting the right to give us permission not to feel guilty about these things. I hate when they include stuff like that, because some people are dumb enough to go ahead and take that advice.

jerseygirl81 · March 2011

sistrkate:

18. Going to visit your parents for the weekend because you know they will insist on doing everything for the baby and your mother will cook all your favorite foods for you. (Grandmothers can spoil their own children as well as their grandchildren.)

I have to laugh at this one, because when I went to NYC with Alison last summer I feel like I barely saw my kid the entire three days we were there. My aunts and sister kept taking him to run errands and wanted to play with him, so we just did fun adult things in the city the whole time. I really missed him by the time we got home!

jerseygirl81 · March 2011

Moesten:
Amen, sister! I also hate that admitting one likes sex means having to give up her membership card to the I am Female Club.

Yes! I couldn't wait to get my OB's stamp of approval.

sistrkate · March 2011

#19 is my personal favorite. My youngest is almost 18 months old but I still sneak in a nap when he is napping a few days out of the week.

jerseygirl81 · March 2011

kyfirewife:
Love it!

Related to #17 - last year one of my friends took his kids out for the whole day - including arranging for the kids to take their naps at a mutual friends' house - because his wife wanted the house to herself for an entire day. She's a SAHM, and told him she didn't want to have to go OUT to relax, she wanted to be able to stay in her own house and just have some "me" time for once.

Well that's an interesting idea. I was just thinking the other day that I haven't been alone in my house since Charlie was born. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be able to sit on my butt on my own couch without worrying about the inevitable end of nap time interrupting a good book.

Meg41208 · March 2011

I agree with #17. I hate that every mother's day, we have to go spend at least part of the day with the ILs. I know she's DH's mother, but we don't do anything with my mother and I WOULD JUST LIKE TO STAY HOME.

I'm still bitter that on my first mother's day, which also happened to be my very last day of mat. leave, we had to go to the ILs for the day.

There is a separate grandparent's day.

sprads · March 2011

jerseygirl81:
Moesten:

Amen, sister! I also hate that admitting one likes sex means having to give up her membership card to the I am Female Club.

Yes! I couldn't wait to get my OB's stamp of approval.

We didn't wait either time, but not by much but I will say that I liked to see it on the list because some days I am just so freaking tired but DH just doesn't get it and takes it personally. ETA and that makes me feel guilty! LOL

riabiron · March 2011

I dont think the financial one has anything to do with women being financial idiots. i think it has to do with having to explain to your husband what you spent money on. We have separate accounts so I NEVER have to explain anything.

jerseygirl81 · March 2011

sprads:
jerseygirl81:
Moesten:

Amen, sister! I also hate that admitting one likes sex means having to give up her membership card to the I am Female Club.

Yes! I couldn't wait to get my OB's stamp of approval.
We didn't wait either time, but not by much but I will say that I liked to see it on the list because some days I am just so freaking tired but DH just doesn't get it and takes it personally. ETA and that makes me feel guilty! LOL

I only waited because I wanted to make sure the stitches were gone. Just the thought of one being pulled made me feel ill.

jerseygirl81 · March 2011

riabiron:
I dont think the financial one has anything to do with women being financial idiots. i think it has to do with having to explain to your husband what you spent money on. We have separate accounts so I NEVER have to explain anything.

We don't have separate accounts, and I still never have to explain anything. I just think the whole "hide-what-you're-buying-from-your-spouse" angle they took was kind of crappy.

Meg41208 · March 2011

jerseygirl81:
riabiron:
I dont think the financial one has anything to do with women being financial idiots. i think it has to do with having to explain to your husband what you spent money on. We have separate accounts so I NEVER have to explain anything.
We don't have separate accounts, and I still never have to explain anything. I just think the whole "hide-what-you're-buying-from-your-spouse" angle they took was kind of crappy.

Yeah, that. We generally discuss most of our purchases with each other before hand. Something like, "Hey I need new clothes" or "I'm running to target after work" generally covers the bases.

riabiron · March 2011

I can see what you are saying. i know people that have to "check in" or "get permission" about most anything. That would drive me insane.

Lucky_N_Love · March 2011

Very cute thanks for posting, Katie. Smile

Jessica&Brett · March 2011

jerseygirl81:
Moesten:

LOVE 14. I hate those women.

Completely disagree with 4, 12, 13. Lying to the spouse about money = never a good idea.

This is exactly what I was thinking. I love these lists, most of the time, but then they always have to throw in something like that. WTF? We're not all stereotypical financial idiot women.

I don't know why they had to go the extra step. Why couldn't they just say "getting a massage, pedicure, whatever"... I don't feel guilty about doing those things - But I sure would feel guilty lying about it!

buckeyethor · March 2011

jerseygirl81:
riabiron:

I dont think the financial one has anything to do with women being financial idiots. i think it has to do with having to explain to your husband what you spent money on. We have separate accounts so I NEVER have to explain anything.

We don't have separate accounts, and I still never have to explain anything. I just think the whole "hide-what-you're-buying-from-your-spouse" angle they took was kind of crappy.

Totally agree.

KYmama9286 · March 2011

Meg41208:
jerseygirl81:
riabiron:
I dont think the financial one has anything to do with women being financial idiots. i think it has to do with having to explain to your husband what you spent money on. We have separate accounts so I NEVER have to explain anything.
We don't have separate accounts, and I still never have to explain anything. I just think the whole "hide-what-you're-buying-from-your-spouse" angle they took was kind of crappy.
Yeah, that. We generally discuss most of our purchases with each other before hand. Something like, "Hey I need new clothes" or "I'm running to target after work" generally covers the bases.

All of this--DH and I do have to check in with each other but we mutually agreed that anytime we do a purchase over $50 the other person has to know about it. It's worked for us and depending on the family a different dollar amount may work but I dont see the big deal in having to "ask" my DH before I buy something. I honestly dont think he has ever said no...maybe put a dollar cap on how much I can spend like dont spend over $200 on clothes in one shopping trip but generally his dollar amounts are way above what I would spend anyway. I am MUCH more apt to say no to his requests haha Embarrassed Maybe I need to work on that....

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