Little things you do to keep the spark alive?

Mouseygail · March 2011

I could use some more ideas of how to connect with DH. We are both struggling with feeling a bit distant from each other. I asked something similar a while back and got some great ideas...the ol' fake it until you make it (with regards to sex), making sure to kiss goodnight and goodbye, etc. but I could use a refresher..and some more ideas

and as a side note...when does sex stop feeling like he's covered in sandpaper!?! no amount of lube is fixing this issue....not fun.

GypsyEsq · March 2011

We laugh a lot -- or try to. That helps us keep connected. As for sex, eh, I think it has to be better once you stop BFing but since I haven't yet I still have the whole sandpaper thing going on.

charmcitygirl · March 2011

We always say hello and goodbye to each other. I know it seems elementary and goodbye isn't as much of an issue as hello is.

When DH walks in the door, Jacob is barreling down the hall to meet him and it seems like we just take over as parents. We make a point to kiss hello, ask how each other's day was (even though we've talked several times) and then we go back to being parents.

Make sure you talk several times a day. It helps you feel more connected to each other. They're not marathon conversations, just a hi...how's it going?

Have a date night. Even if you can't get out. Every weekend, DH and I order out (or you can cook), wait until Jacob goes to bed, and split a bottle of wine (sometimes 2). We don't turn on the TV, or answer the phone. We just talk and laugh.

qtpa2t · March 2011

Give him a blow job if the line in the drive-thru is long (and dark). Lean over while at dinner and whisper to him that you aren't wearing any panties. (Don't know why, but men seem to love the word 'panties'.) Talk dirty. I don't know why, but connecting through sexual imagination does it better than anything else. And of course, make time to spend time together with just the two of you.

SeaSoul · March 2011

Have you two been able to get out yet? I know that was an issue a while back. I think that's really helpful. We try to go out to dinner or whatever at least every couple of months.

We also hang out together every night even if we're not actually interacting. Then there are nights that we talk a lot, like last night. He got an award at work and b/c I'm so self-obsessed lately I kind of had to force myself to ask him about it (which, in itself bothers me, b/c pre-Cal, I'd have been all OVER that), but I'm glad I did, because it was a big deal to him.

We try to snuggle in bed, too.

I'm sorry about the vag issue...I've been very fortunate in that sex has been just as enjoyable pp as it was before pg.

Cassian · March 2011

Sometimes, out of nowhere, we will just casually blurt out smething like, i'd like to give you a blow job today, or, i should put the baby down for a nap so we can do it. The effect of the casualness and randomness is exciting.

Sometimes in passing we randomly grope each other too. That is always fun.

dundasgirl · March 2011

I read somewhere that you should treat your DH like you want to be treated...and it also mentioned about treating your DH (or significant other) the way you treated them when you were first dating.

I have been making an effort to act a little more like I did before we had kids. Talk about other things aside from the kids, even though it is hard because they are my whole life:)

DH and I went out for a beer a couple of weeks ago. It was the first time we did that in like 3.5 years. How sad is that? Just grabbed a beer. The ILs watched the kids. We rushed through it, but it was still awesome!

Mouseygail · March 2011

SeaSoul:
Have you two been able to get out yet? I know that was an issue a while back. I think that's really helpful. We try to go out to dinner or whatever at least every couple of months.

We also hang out together every night even if we're not actually interacting. Then there are nights that we talk a lot, like last night. He got an award at work and b/c I'm so self-obsessed lately I kind of had to force myself to ask him about it (which, in itself bothers me, b/c pre-Cal, I'd have been all OVER that), but I'm glad I did, because it was a big deal to him.

We try to snuggle in bed, too.

I'm sorry about the vag issue...I've been very fortunate in that sex has been just as enjoyable pp as it was before pg.

We have been able to get out once recently (thanks for asking!), and Jones was actually good about taking the bottle!! so hopefully we can do that a little more often...I just HATE losing out on time with DS! (and i feel bad going out after he goes to bed since we have a limited number of people who watch him and they all want to see him while hes awake...) Going out that night was awesome, and made me feel so normal...I wish there was a way to fit it all in!!!

Mouseygail · March 2011

Thanks ladies!! Charmcity, your date night sounds particularly appealing

drinks and TALKING! I don't know why we don't do this more...the damn TV is always on!

schmoodle · March 2011

GypsyEsq:
As for sex, eh, I think it has to be better once you stop BFing but since I haven't yet I still have the whole sandpaper thing going on.

It definitely is. It was exruciating for me until we stopped nursing, and then was even better than before pregnancy. Hang in there.

As far as spark? Well, we're not so good at that ourselves...

Mouseygail · March 2011

schmoodle:
GypsyEsq:
As for sex, eh, I think it has to be better once you stop BFing but since I haven't yet I still have the whole sandpaper thing going on.

It definitely is. It was exruciating for me until we stopped nursing, and then was even better than before pregnancy. Hang in there.

As far as spark? Well, we're not so good at that ourselves...

oooh!! a light at the end of the tunnel!?! that would be AWESOME!!

SeaSoul · March 2011

Mouseygail:
SeaSoul:

Have you two been able to get out yet? I know that was an issue a while back. I think that's really helpful. We try to go out to dinner or whatever at least every couple of months.

We also hang out together every night even if we're not actually interacting. Then there are nights that we talk a lot, like last night. He got an award at work and b/c I'm so self-obsessed lately I kind of had to force myself to ask him about it (which, in itself bothers me, b/c pre-Cal, I'd have been all OVER that), but I'm glad I did, because it was a big deal to him.

We try to snuggle in bed, too.

I'm sorry about the vag issue...I've been very fortunate in that sex has been just as enjoyable pp as it was before pg.

We have been able to get out once recently (thanks for asking!), and Jones was actually good about taking the bottle!! so hopefully we can do that a little more often...I just HATE losing out on time with DS! (and i feel bad going out after he goes to bed since we have a limited number of people who watch him and they all want to see him while hes awake...) Going out that night was awesome, and made me feel so normal...I wish there was a way to fit it all in!!!

That's great! What we usually do is have my parents come over 1/2 hour - 1 hour before we want to leave. That way we can all hang out, and go over everything. Then they usually have an hour or so with him before bed. So, it works out pretty well. That way, everybody's happy.

CandT · March 2011

Ugh, tell me about it. Being on pelvic rest isn't helping the situation! We are so busy and tired connecting seems to be last on the list right now.

Maybe we need to post this every week or month to remind us to keep connecting with our SOs!

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