- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Success after IF
What do you think is the best age difference between siblings?
My bro and I are 17 months apart (I am older). We back each other up and are usually there for each other but we aren't like best friends that tell each other everything. We are polar opposites but generally get along. Dh is about 3 years older than his full bro (he has 2 older half bros that only lived with him a few months of the year). They are not very close, are polar opposites and didn't get along when they lived together. I don't remember life without my bro but dh does. Do you think there is an optimal age gap between sibs? I can't imagine it would be fun to have one much older (and deal with the tag a long issues either)
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: What do you think is the best age difference between siblings?
I strongly believe that there is not an optimal age difference between siblings. I believe it depends on the individual personalities of the kids.
My sister and I are 10.5 months apart. When she was born, everyone thought it was wonderful, that we would be best friends. Reality couldn't be further from that. From a very young age, we were VERY different and didn't get along and don't to this day (my sister is very immature and has chosen to not have a good relationship with me).
However, we had friends who were this close in age and were as close as any two people could ever be.
I'm sure everyone could tell similar stories of siblings not getting along at a certain age difference while someone else could say that is the best age difference. It's about personality.
I agree. My own experience (and DH's experience) with my siblings tells me that age difference has very little to do with it...it's more about personality and common interests, etc.
I will say that I think it is tougher for siblings who are of the same sex to be close in age (for instance, two brothers 18 months apart) because it seems that there is more potential for sibling rivalry than if similarly spaced siblings were b/g. But, again, that's just my personal experience.
I don't really know the right answer and I bet a lot of it has to do with individual personalities (unless there is a large age difference). My bro and I are 3 years apart. We fought like cats and dogs, never really got along very well, and don't really talk much. Do we love each other, yes. Do we like each other, not very much.
DH's siblings are all between 1 and 3 years apart except for the youngest who is significantly younger than the next youngest (I think almost 10 years). They used to be very close but with age, families, and personal issues, they have definitely grown apart. They get along and would certainly be there for each other (and have been in recent incidents) but they're just not as cozy anymore...but that's life taking it's turns more so than having anything to do with their ages.
Well from a parents POV I would say time it so the child isn't going through their terrible twos. I thought we were in the clear. Then Ella turned 2.5 and BOOM. So right now, I have it hard and would say wait till the older one is going to be past them first.
I have a brother that is 2 years younger than me and we couldn't be more different. He's into drugs and doesn't have his life together. I wish we had a better relationship, but I find it very hard to relate to his lifestyle.
ETA: I now have a super good relationship with my sister who is 18. That's 10 years difference. I can tell her anything and I love her to death. And like her:P
I would love for my kids to be no more than 3 years apart since that's the age difference between my older brother and I. However, that's not possible for us. I do have a couple of friends who are 5 years apart from their siblings and they're super close. So I think it really has a lot to do with a few things; a) how you're raised...whether you're taught to always have each other's backs and how important family is, b) personality traits and whether you're similar, and c) things that happen throughout your life also effects closeness between siblings...whether parents/family instigate sibling rivalries, competition, etc.
So I don't think there is an "optimal" age difference. I think it depends on the family.
Ditto all of this! I also agree that same sex siblings have more rivalry no matter the age diffrance.
Even this is dependent on the kids. SIL's two girls are 15 months apart and they are as close as can be. They do everything together, want the same things, like the same things, etc.
Bro #1 is exactly 4 yrs younger than me, and we were never close growing up. Never crossed paths, never played much together. But he ate his boogers. lol. Now that we're both homeowners, parents, and living 600 miles apart, we actually chat pretty often, via text or quick phone calls about nothing.
Bro#2 is 10 yrs younger than me, and I was a "mother figure" to him growing up, more than a sister. We were VERY close until about 5 years ago, when things crumbled due to things unrelated to age. (well, he's immature, lol) If I had to guess, it was also in part due to he was now 25'ish, independence was HUGE in his world, and the dynamic of having a Big Sister/2nd mother hovering was not welcome either.
Based on my experience growing up, I would PREFER that my kids are closer in age than we were. (not lookin' good, but we'll see)
Where I grew up most people were close in age to their siblings. My Dad had 5 kids in 5 years! And imagine this...they got divorced...wonder why? Then he married my Mom years later and they had 3 kids in 4 years. (and stayed married!)
My sister and I were close as kids (12 months apart), then not close as teenagers (very different personalities, interests, etc.)...after university we became close again. We had more in common and family is always there when sometimes friends aren't.
My brother and I are no where near as close as my sister and I, but I love him and wish we were closer, especially now that our parents both died.
I think it totally depends on personalities. If my sister and I were 3 years apart, I think it would have been a similar situation.
I wanted my kids to be close in age (they are all 19 months apart), but I know this doesn't guarantee they will be close emotionally. I pray that they are and I hope I can teach them to love and appreciate each other for who they are. I pray that they will always look out for each other, have each other's backs, and walk through life together.
But I know this is not dependent on age.
I agree with everyone else as far as I think that whether siblings end up close later in life depends more on personalities rather than age difference, although I think generally it's harder to be closer if there is a very large difference in age.
I do think that it's easier as a mom to have your kids 2.5 yrs apart rather than just at 2, at least from what I've seen, as far as your older ones adjusting and you transitioning to life with two.
I am hoping 18 months is optimal since that is what our kids age difference will be if things work out. Ha! Originally, we were planning on 24-26 months apart before we got our surprise BFP.
Honestly, I am not sure if age difference really matters though. It's more about personalities. My brother and I are 20 months apart, and we are not very close. My sister and I are 4 yrs apart and we are much closer. We are both girls and our personalities are more similar. It is just so hard to tell how siblings will get along. I pray though that our kids' personalities blend well and they become best friends!
As an IF'er my response to this question is always: "When ever you're finally blessed to conceive the 2nd one." Ideal wasn't even remotely a consideration for us. We had to rush back to TTC based on doctors recommendations.
As a Mom of 3 kids I'd say that the 11 yr age gap is too much.
I'd say that the 17 month age gap is hard as hell for the first year or so logistically speaking and from there it's largely personality dependent.
My bro and I are 4 yrs apart. We're not super close but I think that could just as easily be a gender or personality issue vs. a spacing issue.
That's all I know so that's all I have an opinion on!
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.