If (when) you get pg again, how long will you wait...

kellym243 · March 2011

I have a confession... I am a former FH. When I found out I was pg this last time, I started telling family, friends and co-workers that I was pg @ 5wks. I kept saying "I know it's early, but I've only had healthy pregnancies..." God, I could just slap that old me!! I have been having guilt since then about the possibility I may have uttered those words to the wrong person and hurt them. What an idiot I was, but at least I can say I have learned something from this experience.

Anyways, I'm thinking that if I can get away with it, I will at least wait till the 1st trimester is over (if I am so blessed) to tell close family/friends - and maybe the 20wk u/s (unless I start showing before then, lol) to tell the not-so-close people in my life.

Thoughts, girls? Will you be doing things different the next time around when it comes to making your "announcement" IRL?

jen629 · March 2011

I would really like to not tell anyone for the first few months

hugs&hissyfits · March 2011

When I am out of the first trimester. DH was on a gambling trip with a bunch of male friends when I told him about the first time and of course he starts patting himself on the back and buying drinks for everyone. Needless to say I had to go back and let everyone know that it was no longer the case later. Learned my lesson. Didn't tell anyone about the second until I knew it was going south. Absolutely will NEVER have it on facebook.

Jamers615 · March 2011

Honestly, I wouldn't do a thing differently. We told everyone at 10 weeks, and at 20 weeks we found out there was a problem and that we would lose her. She arrived a week later, and it was comforting to have a group of people who knew beforehand, rather than to have to explain,"Well, we WERE pregnant, but...."

Also? When I look back, I'm thankful for the small bit of time I got to be pregnant, and bask in it. Knowing how much the support of our family and friends meant to us after our loss, I think I might even tell everyone sooner than before.

It's all personal preference though, for me, openly grieving worked best, where others might feel more comfortable having their privacy/anonymity in a situation like that.

thewayiam · March 2011

I will tell a couple of very close friends/colleagues as they've been the most supportive on a daily basis. I will not tell family until it's obvious and I have to tell them.

shootingstar0724 · March 2011

We will tell our parents and three of my close friends when we find out (i dont have sisters so they make up for it) and THAT IS IT simply cause I need the support. I will wait until 12-16 weeks for everyone else depending on how comfortable I am with the pregnancy. It will also depend on how well I can hide it too. But if people ask, I will tell cause I feel like it will jinx me if I lie.

sgrobste · March 2011

I think I would tell close family and friends right away in case things do not go well, then I have some close people to help me through it, but I think I will wait to tell anyone else until after my 12th week..

jenn0021 · March 2011

I plan on not telling anyone. Ever. Super Angry

In reality though, we will probably wait until we're in 2nd tri before telling family/close friends. And hide it for as long as possible from everyone else.

Eris-Alexis · March 2011

I told people right away as well. My mom and I are really close and I had to tell her right away, which meant that we had to tell my Dad and MIL too. We told our close friends and some of our extended family at that point as well. But I waited until after my NT scan to make a general announcement, and we lost our twins a week later. With my second pregnancy, the only people I told were DH and my mom. I'm glad I did because I lost the baby 4 days later.

I think this next time, we will wait until we see a heartbeat to tell our parents. We may tell some of our really close friends at that point as well. Everyone else will not find out until we are a couple of weeks past the point where we lost our twins. It was great having the support we had when we lost our angels, but it was draining having people talk to me and not know what to say, or saying hurtful things without realizing it. We'll see how we feel when it actually happens though.

millejj1 · March 2011

I don't know exactly what I'll do. I'll probably tell a couple of my closest friends right away, and family soon after. As far as telling the world, I'm not sure. Likely not until we're out of the first trimester if not later.

I'm torn with the Facebook thing too, my family and I are so far apart that it's a key way we keep in touch and I know my family would be bummed not to have albums and stuff to flip through. At the same time though, I don't want to be a FH or have to untell the world.

Guess I'll just cross that bridge when we get there.

CashewsMommy · March 2011

First trimester for sure! I'm still not 100% sure about coming out on FB. I'm a big girl and even at 35 weeks I wasn't really showing. If you knew, you could see it. If you didn't know, you'd just think I was fat.

Amers7601 · March 2011

I would like to tell our parents and very close friends pretty early, but only those who know about our first loss. My reasoning is that we told no one we were pregnant last time. We had planned on telling everyone after we heard the HB at our appt. Well, instead of hearing the HB, we were told I had lost the baby. I had no one I could lean on for support because no one even knew I was pregnant. I ended up telling my parents and a couple close friends because I just couldn't go through it alone.

It's going to be different for everyone though. I don't think my DH will tell his friends, and I will try to avoid telling anyone outside our immediate circle of friends until I am into my 2nd trimester.

happygolucky0505 · March 2011

When I was PG with my DD, I waited until 12-13 weeks to tell friends and family and waited till 16-17 weeks to tell work. This time around, I started telling everyone a lot earlier because it was just too exhausting to hide it. This time around, I will definitely wait longer. Getting the info out about the miscarriage and having to deal with the looks and the poor her comments almost killed me....

LoriJ11 · March 2011

The only thing I regret is making it public on FB. I will keep that a secret for awhile but I don't regret telling my friends and family. I think it helped to have the support and you also realize how many other friends or family had lost a child in the past that you may not have known about. I think that helped me emotionally know that I was not alone. I will tell only my close friends/family as I see them and if I am comfortable. But I guess I won't know until it happens!

kate626 · March 2011

I will tell my Mom (and husband obviously) the second the pee dries. And then I plan on not telling until I am showing... But I wont know until I'm pregnant again.

noah-bear · March 2011

I was a FH as well. Major FH for Noah and the first m/c. The second loss, I only told my parents and neighbors because they helped us move and I had to tell them why I wasn't doing anything.

This next time, I'll be very far away and I wont tell anyone until we do the anatomy scan unless we see family members (my dad's parents live a few hours from where we'll be).

7/04Bride · March 2011

DS and my best friend will know the day I find out. I'd like to wait until my 8 week ultrasound to tell our immediate family. We told them when I was only about 5 weeks with DS because I couldn't wait. I would tell them early again, but want to surprise them in a fun way and I would like to avoid having a memory like that linked to a miscarriage. I'd wait even longer if I could, but I don't think I can. I'm not really planning on telling many other people until the first trimester is over and definitely plan on keeping it from acquaintances as long as I can. I'm not sure about Facebook yet. I plan on being open soon about what's been going on with me, so if I have to "untell" people on Facebook, then that's what I'll do. I know I will need a huge support group if it happens again anyway.

corndog8 · March 2011

Hmm well with our first one/loss I didn't get to really be alone or with DH first. I was at my inlaws in MT for turkeyday (got there Thur, supposed to get AF Mon) so by Tues when I still hadn't seen her, of course MIL and her friend wanted me to test so we got it at the store and I did it that afternoon so she and her friend knew before DH.. kinda weird. So DH, inlaws, parents and my sister knew right away. I told my cousins/aunt/uncle after our u/s appt. at 8w5d right before xmas. DH and I told our bridal party and 2 other close friends at about 10-11 wks. I was going to tell everyone else after the NT scan/ u/s at 12w. It was nice being able to enjoy being Pg and have a few people know.

This time I just want to find out with DH and enjoy it for a bit just us. then i'm sure we'll tell our parents/my sister. I kinda want to wait until after 9wk to tell my 2 BFF (when the baby last stopped growing) and for sure don't want to tell anyone until I can make it to a good 12w appt (I want to make it past when we found out last time) and maybe not until 14/16 wk. FB - not sure. Before I was good with it, now I am not sure .. maybe at 16-20w, but may also depend who can tell?? guess I will know how I feel when I get there.

lzembek · March 2011

Hi everyone, I'm new to the site. I just had my third pregnancy, first loss at 11.5 weeks. It was confirmed two days ago that HCG levels had dropped and the fetus was measuring 6 weeks when I should be 11, no heartbeat. I told pretty much EVERYONE I would think of telling at around 10 weeks. My first two pregnancies were picture-perfect, I thought I was invincible. It is helpful having support from my family and friends during this time, rather than have to carry the burden secretly.

I even told my 2 year old daughter and 4 year old son, sigh... Explaining what happened was really hard, but I had to do it ASAP, since my son was constantly saying, "I can't wait till the new baby comes." I'd break down every time. We're going to plant a tree to remember the baby, though, they're both looking forward to that.

Anyway, it helps to write it down, and I feel connected with all of you who are going through the same thing. God bless you all, and best of luck to those TTC.

mdluv21 · March 2011

I didn't tell anyone except immediate family and one friend until I was 14 weeks and I only did then because I was def. showing. I was so scared of something going wrong. I guess I was right...

This time I will wait even longer and most likely never mention it on FB.

LDW80 · March 2011

I, like you, was a fh. I think I told close family and friends with all three pregnancies around 6-8 weeks (except my parents and dh. They were told literally after I pee'd on the stick). With this last pregnancy I announced on fb at 10 weeks (fb wasnt around with first two pregnancies). With all that said I won't do anything differently except not announce on fb until 20 weeks if I decide to announce). The support I got was overwhelming and I am so thankful for that. I wouldnt and couldn't go through it alone.

erikaja6 · March 2011

I was so naive when I became pregnant with my son. I didn't even think about anything going wrong and told friends/family immediately. My husband and I agreed that if (when) I get pregnant again, we won't tell anyone until I make it through the first trimester.

BELOVEDCARMEL · March 2011

I think the only people I would tell is Dh of course, my mom and sister. Once I'm out of 1st tri, then I'll tell everyone else.

EmeraldEyedLady · March 2011

I have no idea when I might tell. I keep telling DH that I'm not telling ANYONE (Including close family members) except for him at all. I'll let them guess when I start showing. Realistically I will probably tell my mom fairly early because she's an administrator of a lab and I get all of my blood work there. I'll probably have my hCG levels done there before I even have a Dr. appt. once I get a positive HPT. Last time around I had my levels taken three times (within just over a week) to make sure they were going up before I called the Dr.

I'll probably tell other close family members after a few months, but I'm not making anything "Facebook public" until after delivery. I've also decided that instead of a baby shower I'd rather have something planned after the birth. Last time around everyone literally received the shower invites the day we found out that their hearts had stopped beating.

jerryliljess · March 2011

I don't know if/when I'm going to tell other friends or family. With my first m/c, I didn't tell anyone and my family/friends got angry that I never said anything. So with the second m/c, I let them know before we found out we lost the baby and I never heard from some of my friends again once I had to "untell" them. If I get pregnant again, I'm not telling anyone (just DH) until after 1st trimester.

MommyandKate · March 2011

I'll stick with 6 or so weeks for immediate family and friends, and hopefully out of 1st tri for others. With DD my M/S was so incredibly out of control that I'd be able to hide it at work for 0.5 seconds. Hopefully the next one is different and I can keep it quiet for a while.

Daisy07gray · March 2011

jenn0021:

I plan on not telling anyone. Ever.

In reality though, we will probably wait until we're in 2nd tri before telling family/close friends. And hide it for as long as possible from everyone else.

Pretty much this. I don't even know about telling our parents, DH got totally psyched and then we had to tell more than 40 people we weren't pregnant anymore at about week 13. It sucked and was draining. After we hear a HB, probably parents, maybe siblings and close friends 12-20 weeks.

Temp878586125009588 · March 2011

I think we are going to wait it out until at least the 1st trimester is over. I know my family wouldn't like it, but I feel like what all happened the last time, I'd like to guard their hearts as well as mine and DH's.

ltdgrl01 · March 2011

I told family and a few friends at 7 weeks. Baby's heart stopped at week 8 and didn't know until week 11.

I was comforted by family and friends but I felt like an idiot. I was telling people I was pregnant even though the baby had died, sending pics to family of what I thought was a small "bump", buying maternity clothes, picking out names etc. It just made me feel stupid and embarrassed.

So next time around I will try to hold out until 20 weeks but will probably spread the news at 14 Cool

jerriesgirl · March 2011

The first time, we waited until after my first u/s to tell our parents and then waited until 2nd trimester to tell everyone else. The second time, DH wanted to tell everyone quickly so they could pray for us and we see where that got us. Next time, we are going back to my original rule of waiting until the second trimester except for our parents.

I'm not sure what to do with FB. We waited until the second trimester and actually I didn't say anything. I though tmy sister's head was going to explode if she didn't post it and then DH posted too.

JThomas221 · March 2011

We told family around 6 weeks b/c I had a SCH and I thought I was going to miscarry then. Then the baby stopped growing at 7w3d but we didn't find out until 10 weeks. It was really nice having my family excited about my pregnancy over Christmas. I think next time we will still tell everyone around 6 weeks. That will give DH and me a couple of weeks to enjoy our secret, and then I want support from everyone. The way I see it, family shares in joy and sorrow, and now only two months after my loss, they've known my sorrow longer than they knew my joy.

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