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Cincinnati Babies
teacherjess
member
Do you ever disagree with your parents?
teacherjess
member
Can you tell I have some free time at work? 
We are in the midst of being upset with both sets of parents and I just don't know how to approach it. We are on a super-tight budget and trying to sell our house (which is already full of SO much baby stuff). We thought we'd just buy Leah a couple of gifts and nothing too big.
We were going to ask both sets of parents to limit the amount of gifts in general for two reasons: one, we are trying to sell the house and just do not have anywhere to put all the baby stuff and toys when it's time to show it, and two, it's a little depressing when you can only afford to buy your baby a few toys but then both sets of parents come in with 10+ toys. Obviously it's not a big deal now, but eventually she's going to figure out that grandmas and grandpas are the cash cows and there's no way DH and I can afford to keep up.
The thing is, we can't seem to communicate this to our parents. They asked about toys and we mentioned that she loves littler toys she can manipulate. She already has a ton of hand-me-down toys from DH's nephews. When my parents were here last weekend, my mom showed me a toy she bought DD for Christmas. It has about 90 pieces and is for 36 months+. I tried to explain it was too old, by my mom said she'll use it eventually. Yeah, but I have to store it until then, you know?
Is there any polite way to basically say, "Stop giving us stuff"? Or "Give us less stuff"? I know it's awful to complain about having too much when so many people go without, but it's annoying to have both sets of parents visit and leave us with more stuff than we can possibly put away or that Leah can even use any time soon-- at least until we sell the house. Please tell me if I am being unreasonable here!!!
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Re: Do you ever disagree with your parents?
HA! Do we ever disagree with our parents? Disagree would be an understatement.
I'm sure many of us have been in your situation--I know I have--but basically, no, there is no polite way to say stop giving us stuff. It comes off as ungrateful and even though I get what you're saying, if the tables were turned, I would be hurt if I put thought into a gift for someone and then they complained about it to me or basically said no thanks.
I am in the habit of saying thank you and then doing an exchange for something more practical for her (i.e. 18 month summer clothes are not practical for someone who will be 18 months in the winter--I can't feel too bad about exchaning something she would never get to wear, right?), or I will donate it to someone less fortunate. I know that my mom thinks I'm horrible for this, but at the same time I wanted to put "gifts not necessary" on her b-day invites and people pitched a fit about it. Frankly it's just unreasonable for Ava to have all that she has, especialy in the toy department. She doesn't play with half of what she has. Surely someone less fortunate can benefit. I'm more of a giver than a receiver anyway, so I guess that is why I don't feel too bad about giving things away.
We deal with this with Nick's parents and our baby isn't even here yet. I know they mean well and it's fantastic that they're so generous but it does make it hard when it doesn't necessarily fit in with the values you would like your child to learn.
The best thing we've come up with after seeing this with the nieces and nephews is to talk to the child when age-appropriate (obviously most of the kids on this board are still too young) about giving and receiving. Explain how giving to others can make you feel good and make the receiver feel good. It can be a way to show that you love someone but it's not the ONLY way by any means. Lead by example and teach the children to give to others as well. We've already started stressing to the grandparents that we'd much rather them spend money taking the kids to have an experience (movie, amusement park, play, bookstore, etc) than to simply buy them things. That way they both get to enjoy the experience and create memories together rather than just accumulate toys.
It's a very hard situation because you know they're doing it out of love and you don't want to hurt their feelings. I hope you find an answer that works for your family!
Photos courtesy of Jen Rose Photography
Apparently in my family growing up I was spoiled a bunch with gifts since I was the first born grandchild then my grandparents wised up and started giving small gifts and savings bonds and they have done this for all of the grandkids since then including my cousins now who are 4 and 5. They now don't feel any less loved or more loved based on their gifts and I am excited that I have 18 years worth of savings bonds saved for a rainy day.
I would mention something along the lines of that to your parents and how much that would be benefitial for your house and for Leah in the future.