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Parenting after 35
JKohio
member
If you gave birth over age 40?
JKohio
member
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Hello. I'm new to this forum and I guess I am just interested in hearing some real-world, positive experiences regarding having a 2nd child when you're over 40. The internet in general doesn't paint a rosy picture, as if turning 40 means you already have one foot in the grave, LOL.
I gave birth to my son when I was 38. I got pg easily that time and the pregnancy was 'textbook' with no complications or even any morning sickness (though 'AMA' was still on my chart because of age, whatever). The delivery ended up being a c-section, but hey, that's ok. My son is now 2.5 years old and DH and I are thinking we'd like to TTC for #2 soon. I'm 41 years old and in good health. I exercise when I can but probably not as often as I should (2 or 3 days a week), eat reasonably healthy and am not overweight or anything. I think that physically, I could handle another pregnancy. Because of age, obviously the sooner the better. My mental 'limit' for being all done with pregnancy/delivery is age 45. (I hope that's reasonable. The 'risks' just seem to really go up there around age 45 and we don't intend to go the IF route. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be and vice versa.)
The biggest thing that scares me about trying for #2 is the risk of having a Down's baby or miscarriage. I don't know how the heck we'd handle either scenerio. I know that there is no crystal ball you can consult to find out what will happen for sure (wouldn't that be nice?), but I'm wondering what sort of personal experiences you have regarding getting pregnant and having your 2nd (or 3rd, etc) baby after age 40. If your 1st pregnancy came easily, did the 2nd as well or was it much more difficult? And, what sort of problems did you actually experience, if any?
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Re: If you gave birth over age 40?
Hi, and welcome to the board!
I just had my first child at 41 (conceived at 40). My pregnancy was pretty uneventful...I suffered the usual symptoms, but nothing different than my younger friends. We opted to have a CVS done at 11 weeks. Luckily, we got great results and I was able to relax during the pregnancy knowing everything was ok.
I did have a miscarriage at 39, but obviously went on to have a successful pregnancy (after 8 months of TTC). I also have younger friends who suffered miscarriages, so there are no guarantees. DH and I are actually hoping to try for #2 soon.
I don't think that physical health is necessarily the biggest hurdle at this age. I'm pretty healthy too. I think it's more about egg quality, and there's not much we can do about that.
Good luck!
Miscarriages and Downs and other issues like that are part of life. You adapt and learn from every experience and learn to handle what Life gives you.
I miscarried very early at 40 and had an fairly uneventful, naturally conceived birth at 42. I had extremely high odds for a Downs child, 1:5, but Charles was born healthy. But we were prepared for that scenario as well.
We haven't ruled out #2, but if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen.
I gave birth to DS at 38 (8 days before I turned 39) and we have been TTC #2 for awhile (I am 41). This is, in fact, my last cycle in which I could potentially deliver while still 41.
We had sort of agreed to try and if it worked great, and if not, great, but testing indicated that without any intervention there was 0 chance of getting pregnant (some crucial hormones had plummeted into barely detectable levels, which we discovered after I had a chemical pregnancy in December), and so we've done several months of taking several drugs and doing acupuncture, and this month, if all is lining up well, an IUI. But that's it for us. No IVF, probably not even a second IUI.
So, I guess that's all just to say it sounds like we are in similar boats!
I started having morning sickness the day before my 40th birthday. (thought I had an ulcer.) We had a high AFP which could have indicated spina bifida or worse but we decided against amnio because of the odds (1% chance of some birth defect against .05% to 2% chance of miscarriage from the amnio and the ultra sound looked really good.)
I had to have a C-section because Michael had a big mellon and would not drop into the birth canal. I was induced because I was over 40 weeks and my OB does not let his patients go beyond 41 weeks.
I was heavy when I conceived so I could not go crazy and gain weight. I only gained 20 pounds from start to finish. Other than that, BP and blood sugar remained stable.
I was tired but I only missed 2 days of work due to "too damn tired to make it to the office." I worked up until the day before I was induced. I had a staff member get pregnant while I was off work for maternity leave and she went on 3 days a week of work when she was 7.5 months pregnant and she quit working the middle of her 8th month and had her daughter 3 weeks early. She struggled with her pregnancy and she was only 28. So age does not dictate wether or not pregnancy is hard.
Now, I think I am more tired than I would be if I was younger. I miss a full nights sleep. Even though Michael sleeps through the night, his "night noises" will wake me up and I find that hard to bounce back from.
I had Margaux at 41, and I'm 43 now. With Margaux, I had a two-vessel cord, big, honker fibroids, vasa previa, and they were watching her for IUGR. With all that I had an intervention-free hospital birth, no meds, 2.5 hours from my water breaking/realizing I was in labor to the birth. Painful, but easy-peasy, at least until they scraped out the placenta. Margaux has a VSD that will require surgery, but other than that she's healthy and thriving.
I had a CVS and just yesterday an anatomy scan with this new little girl, and everything is textbook-perfect so far. Even my fibroids have disappeared.
My parents had my younger sister and myself when they were over 40, and outside of my little sister being nuttier than a squirrel-infested oak, they had no issues.
Good luck!
I love this. I am so stealing this for work.
This.
I'm not over 40 but I felt the need to comment. I have MS, never exercise(because I have MS), eat an average diet, am on the high end of healthy weight and used to drink one or two nights a week. Despite being not super healthy I got pregnant on my first month trying around my 35th birthday.
My pregnancy(all 42 weeks of it) went really well, as did my labor.
If we try for another it will be when I'm 38/39, and if we get lucky and conceive again it will be because of my eggs, not because I go to a gym.
::Steps off soap box::
My Blog
I had my second at 40. No complications, no worse pg than the first although a bit more tired chasing my toddler around with a big belly.
As far as down's, my numbers on my blood tests were actually better with my second pg than my first so I decided against any further testing. Finn is healthy and thriving.
I had DD literally days before I turned 42. While I was horrible sick (morning, noon night, repeat) it was not an age issue - I've know women in the 20's and 30's that were also. We did the nuchal translucency tests, not because we would have terminated if anything had been found, but to be prepared. We actually found out some of the super scary risks are lower than we thought. And now, we have a healthy, give or take some daycare cooties, 15 month old that is truly the light of our lives. Go for it.
Where in Cleveland are you? I just got home from having drinks with a few other moms from parenting after 35.
I have only had one child so far, conceived at 38 and delivered at 39 and am thinking of TTC #2. I obviously don't have any comments about giving birth after 40 but this thread gives me hope. There are so many scary statistics out there (like you said, it's like you have one foot in the grave, lol!) and it reassures me that there are healthy babies being born to moms over 40. Personally, I don't want to let fear of m/c of birth defects stop me from trying to have another child. I say go for it too. The only thing for us is if I don't get pg naturally, we probably won't get any treatments. If it's meant to be, it will happen.
Good luck!
I had my second child at 40 and my third at 43!
They are perfectly healthy as is my first child.
I did have two miscarriages in between (and early on in the pg) but so did one of my friends who is in her early 30's. She also went on to have a healthy baby.
I know it can be nerve-wracking, but, in my situation, I wouldn't change a thing.
Good luck!
Thanks for the input, everyone! This makes me feel a little better about the situation.
Piranha, I'm actually just south of Cleve. by a bit -- in Stow, kinda near Blossom if you know where that is. I used to live in Cleveland though and it's not far from where I am currently. A GTG would be fun. I don't know many moms who are my age.
Our little suprise bundle will be here in July, and I just turned 43. My DH and I also have 4 other children ages 21, 19, 17, and 14. (Yes, you read that correct, 2 are in college and 2 in high school.)
So far everything is going well. I did have AFP tests and a level II ultrasound but decided against amnio after talking with the DR that read the ultrasound. She was very reassuring, with what she saw on the US and reminded us that she sees lots of women in their 40's have perfectly normal babies.