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Question: Would you by a house next to your fremeny?
Maybe frenemy is too strong a word. But this couple is one we used to be close with and after a big fallout 5+ years ago, we are no longer close. We play nice to each other and have a kind of fake chumminess. They came to our wedding, but not sure how happy they were for us. Ultimately, I'd love to be friends with them again, but the wife is super closed off now (declined my FB friend request, etc.). The husband is more open and chummy. At the end of the day though, this couple really betrayed our trust and backstabbed us once in life, so there's always the possibility they'd do it again.
So, it just so happens that a house that is in our price range and in a neighborhood we like has JUST come on the market. It's perfect in many ways for us, and 6 years ago, when we were friends with this couple, it would've been the perfect scenario (especially since in 2006, our frienemies paid about 100k more for a similar house nextdoor).
I feel like buying a house should not be an emotional decision. It's a business decision. DH is all "no way will we ever live next door to them."
WWYD?
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Re: Question: Would you by a house next to your fremeny?
I think in theory, you are correct. Buying a house should be a business decision. But I think that your hubby's reaction is more practical. These people, people who betrayed you and whom A still has strong feelings of contempt towards, are going to be your neighbors. And not just down the street neighbors, but right next door. That could lead to all sorts of heartache and frustration.
I would think long and hard before entering into that scenerio. Think about worse case, weigh pros and cons, and then make the decision from there. I would personally avoid it!
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Maxwell Joseph 4/09 Lucy Violet 10/12
Is it literally NEXT DOOR? That could be hard...but who knows...they might move :-)
If it's perfect for you and where you want to be I don't think living next to someone means you have to be friends...in fact being cordial and socially appropriate is kind of all I expect from my neighbors and it sounds like you still sort of have that with them anyways?
No way!
Neighbors can be super helpful or a total PITA -- no way would I be comfortable next to a former friend. It just complicates things for neighborhood GTGs, trick-or-treating, turning people in for the HOA, their dog pooping on your lawn, etc., etc.
RUN!
Like literally, RIGHT next door. Like the next door down, wave from the driveway, oh hey did you plant new flowers? We would be literal neighbors.
And to clarify, we are both totally cordial. In fact, no one would ever know there was tension on the surface. We smile, laugh, chat, all that, but I think it's more a case of we just don't care for each other. Like that person on the messageboard who's totally fine and normal, but just rubs you the wrong way because of something they did or said awhile back.
In my world, buying a house is a business decision.
Buying a home is an emotional decision guided by the realities of ones finances.
I don't live in a house. I flip a house, I rent out a house. I live in a home and I want my home to be one that is my safe haven. Having someone close by that I do not care for is something that would intrude on that safe haven. I don't want to have to think about people I don't care for on a daily basis.
My husband bought our current home because he was tired of looking and it was a good buy. Now that we're trying to make a home in that house, the things he overlooked because it was a good business decision are issues that really bother us on a regular basis. We're in the process of trying to decide if we sell at some point or try to remedy them (which would mean an expensive remodel for the internal issues and taking on an HOA battle for the external issue of not being allowed to build a fence to keep our kids in the yard and afford ourselves a wee bit more privacy).
No house is every completely perfect unless you are independently wealthy and can buy the perfect property and build the perfect home. That having been said - your issue would be a big fat red flag for me.
You can change everything about a house except for it's location.
I would not live next door to my frienemy.
I think K hit the nail on the head- theoretically, you're right. But in reality, you're not. There are other houses in the world, this one may be right for someone else out there, but it sounds like, at least for your DH, it's not "the one".
I don't think I would, but I don't think that I would even move next door to my BEST friend.
It sounds like you would always be questioning their sincerity, and that just seems exhausting to me. I like living next to neighbors that I can ignore or give a simple wave to if we are both going to our cars at the same time.
Assuming it isn't a split-level, I think it could work. I figure it this way - most neighbors are an adjustment and often times there is drama and the getting to you know you period can be awkward. You have an advantage of having already gone through that.
My parents have been in the same neighborhood for almost 30 years, and the place has gone through some growing pains. Neighbors aren't neighbors forever, and now that most of the drama has ceased, everyone just goes about their own business.
Would it keep me from a top two house? Probably not. It just depends on how awesome this place is for you guys.
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No, I wouldn't. Buying a home is a business decision in the long run, but during that long run you'll have to share a property line with someone you don't trust. If anything were to happen between you two and the other couple (breach of trust again or something), it would be much more difficult to distance yourself from them if you live right next door.
If you like the house that much, I would do what Tami suggested and check if your frenemies are even living next door anymore.
Unable to even.
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What if the faux friendship turned into something worse and horrible? You wouldn't want to deal with that every.single.day... I'd suggest not even touring the house - just look elsewhere.
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THIS!
However, I don't even think I'd buy a house right next door to a current friend. That's sounds annoying.
I agree 100% here. I HAVE to feel comfortable in my home and if that means not wondering if a neighbor, in whom i have no trust, is really paying too close attention to our comings and goings, or if I would have my feelings hurt by something said neighbor did/didn't do, said/didn't say.
Unless I could clear the air of the outstanding issues, I would not want to move nextdoor to someone that I knowingly had trust issues with.
Good luck with your decision, I'm sure it's a tough place to be!
This exactly.
I agree. I couldn't do it. And I'd rather not do the fake cordial thing every day, either. I can imagine myself trying to avoid them, not going outside if they're out there, going out the back door or garage for everything, trying to avoid them at block parties, etc.
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I have to ask - what the heck does a split-level have to do with anything? I'd say as long as it's not a condo where you share a stairway and landing to your front door - but a split level?
Inside/outside joke in reference to one of my FFF.
Thanks for the insight guys. This sucks big time. Good news is, we put an offer in on a different house today sooooo, if it goes well, it will be a non-issue.