What do you do if one baby comes home before the other one?

cara-n-steve · March 2011

Yesterday the Dr. told me Greyson is doing fantastic and is now up to 4lbs 5.1oz. If he continues to do well they think he'll be able to come home at the end of the week. Leland will have to stay behind, he's still having trouble with feedings, brayd's, and his SVT.

How do you handle having one at home and the other still in the NICU? I already feel terrible because I know I won't be able to visit Leland as often and then I know when I'm in the hospital I'll feel like I should be home with Greyson. If you've been through this, how did you balance everything out?

nej2000 · March 2011

I think the answer to this question depends a lot on how far you live from the hospital. We were lucky because we're only about 10 minutes away and J came home only 4 days after D.

I would do the 5 am feeding with D at home. Then, I'd go to the hospital for J's 8 am feeding and stay for a little while. Then, I'd be home for D's 11am feeding. DH would go visit J in the afternoon and I'd go back over for the 5 pm feeding and stay until 7pm.

I would have liked to have been with J more, but I realized that he was being very well cared for in the NICU. D really needed us at home. One friend told me that the whole experience would be a lot harder on us than on the kids...I'm sure she's right. Don't be too hard on yourself or set your expectations too high. Do what you can and know that both are being well taken care of.

Good luck!

cara-n-steve · March 2011

We live about 45 minutes from the hospital so I'm trying to figure out how we'll work it out. I'm totally stressing out over it!!!

shegak · March 2011

With my first set of twins (born at 33w), my son came home before my daughter. I was breastfeeding/pumping for both, so that made it extra difficult to juggle the fact they weren't together. We were lucky enough that my MIL had come to stay with us to help out, so I would sleep at home, BF/feed my son in the morning, pump so there was at least some milk for him at home, then head to the hospital. I'd spend the better part of the day there with my daughter, feed her, take care of her, then head home in the evening. Even though there was nothing I could do about the situation, I still remember the awful feeling of guilt I had that I was leaving my daughter in the hospital during those nights, and the guilt of leaving my son at home during the day. Looking back, I wish I hadn't been so hard on myself.... I did the best I could. As I'm sure you'll do the best you can as well. Just go with the flow, try not to feel guilty about anything, and remember that this is all temporary.

Hang in there!

twobytwo2010 · March 2011

It is hard. My DH would stop on his way to work and on his way home to visit her. I would try to make it as much as I could but was still having problems driving so all three of us would go and see her atleast 3 times a week. Then one day on the weekend we were there all day. For her sister they just had an extra bed for her to sleep in when we were there.

Kiki11 · March 2011

In my NICU, parents of twins could bring the discharged baby back to the hospital with them to visit the baby that was still in the NICU. It made it easier for some parents because they could still be with both babies. I know not a lot of hospitals do this though. Maybe worth checking?

cara-n-steve · March 2011

Kiki11:
In my NICU, parents of twins could bring the discharged baby back to the hospital with them to visit the baby that was still in the NICU. It made it easier for some parents because they could still be with both babies. I know not a lot of hospitals do this though. Maybe worth checking?

I actually asked them this the other day. They said since it's flu and RSV season they can't let discharged babies back in

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