Work vs. SAHM

MrsN41809 · March 2011

Before LO was born I always thought I would go back to work after 8 weeks or so and LO would go and stay with a friend that keeps kids in home. Well now that LO is here the thought of going back to work sends me into a crying fit! I know I am having some mild PPD and plan on talking to the Dr. about it on thursday but even DH said that after 6 weeks if we are still ok financially that he would support me if I did not want to go back to work. Of coarse it would be hard because we would be loosing an income but over half of my income is going to the sitter anyways.

Another part of me doesnt want to let everyone down at work, they all think that I am coming back. I have alot of responsiblities at work that others had to take over while I am on leave and also a lot of people had to switch shifts around. I feel like everyone would want to kill me and hate me if i didnt return to work. A lot of my best friends are people I work with so this is a concern too.

Has anyone gone through a similar situation where you told work you would be coming back and then decided to be SAHM?

ksyknelvr73 · March 2011

I feel the exact same way and I'm in the same boat as you. I always thought I'd want to go back full time and now the thought makes me cringe. But I really love my job and I love my co-workers. I have no idea what to do at all. I stress over this every day.

christyp80 · March 2011

A coworker/friend of mine went out on maternity leave planning to come back and then decided to stay home. Everyone at work completely understood, and since she had been out for several months already, it wasn't a huge deal to re-assign the workloads permanently. She is now working from home a few hours a week as a consultant for the company--she doesn't have benefits, but she bills hours as she is able to get some time to work. And, we still get together for lunch or coffee fairly frequently, so it's not like she has lost her work friends! Good luck making your decision, and don't worry, either way it will all work out!

citychicks · March 2011

I would suggest asking your employer about coming back for a day or two each week. That way you can test the water either way and make a decision from there in a few months. I'm a SHAM and I love it, but I have a lot of friends who really wanted to go back to work after a few months home. If you have a very active social life at work, losing that day to day adult contact and stimulation can be really drainning. My SIL job shares with another teacher and works 2 and a half days a week, she really seems to have an excellent balance. You need to find what works for you and your family.

BabyNSR · March 2011

I'm a SAHM and LOVE it! I would highly recommend it. If you can do it financially, do it. Why have someone else spend that time with your LO when it could be you? That's how I feel anyway.

ameliahedlund · March 2011

I stayed at home the first year of DD's life and loved it..I will admit that there were times where I was counting down the SECONDS until DH got home. I literally needed to plan something every day or we would go a little crazy. I joined ECFE, set up standing "playdates" and library story times.

I also started my own business and spent a lot of time sewing while DD was sleeping so I kept busy.

I went back to work part time that next year and I was super anxious about it. I loved being back and I loved the hours, I just had a hard time "sharing" my position.

This year I was full time until I had DS and loved that too, I think it is all what you make of it. I think my ideal position would be a .5 and not have to share my position.

I think you would love to stay home, but I also think you might want to ask for an extended leave instead of quitting your job. If it is a possibility you might as well do that instead of quitting!

Jenniferk08 · March 2011

You have to do whatever works for you. However if you are out on maternity leave and being paid/receiving benefits, look into any penalties should you not return to work. Some places require repayment of salary/benefits from when you left.

Firedancer1013 · March 2011

I would definitely recommend trying part time when you go back if you are on the fence about it. I plan on going back part time (I have been part time for a while now), and, while I would LOVE to just stay home with DS, I will be with him for the majority of the time and only working 2-3 days per week. I've heard from several coworkers (practically 3/4 of our department is part time, we only have 3-4 full time people!) that even having 1-2 days away from home at work is good for you and LO, because it allows you adult time and them an opportunity to gain experience with socializing and it decreases separation anxiety because they are already comfortable with being somewhere without you. (Again, this is all what I've been told, I haven't started back yet). But, I can see where they are coming from in the stated benefits. I hear you though, it will be very hard leaving DS with someone else, and it does make me misty eyed to think about doing it even for a few days per week, but maybe in a few months I will need that time for me to refresh and be a better parent when I am with him.

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