Who are your children's guardians?

kristalovesjared · March 2011

If anything were to happen to you and DH, who would raise your children?

We just watched life as we know it last night and thought it was time that we need to figure this out. It's hard though because we don't have any family that we would choose besides our parents and they are older obviously...

How did you come to your decision?

mishquiche · March 2011

My best friend and her husband. My DH and I discussed it for a long time and for various reasons did not feel comfortable with any of our brothers and their wives. My best friend is a wonderful mother and an amazing person. She loves me like a sister and my son like her own. I know they would take excellent care of B if anything were to happen to us. We never even consider our parents because of their age.

indigo91804 · March 2011

My SIL and BIL are because they are the obvious choice for us. They love my children wholeheartedly, my nieces are the same ages as my kids, they parent like we parent, they live close to my inlaws who would be there for them during their transition, and they have the room. The down side of it would be they live in Colorado. My family all lives here now. I would imagine if there was something to happen to us, my parents would move to CO to closer to the boys. My inlaws and my family all get along well. My parents know they aren't young and it would be best for the kids to be with people who are closer to our age. We've already asked my SIL so they know. We are working on a will now. It is a goal of ours to have it done by summer.

skenyon · March 2011

My parents are only in their 40's so the boys would go to them should anything happen to us. My sister would be my next choice but she's still pretty young.

KNemo · March 2011

We agonized over this decision, and in the end decided that our parents would be the best guardians. It would be a joint custody arrangement. The only other option would be my youngest brother, as Max and his cousin are so close.

N's sister is not an option. She can barely take care of herself and her own child. My older siblings are not an option because losing your parents is hard enough without having your whole life uprooted to another state. That is the reason that my best friend is out too.

This is the hardest decision to make!

tfarabians · March 2011

The boys would go to my parents and while they are older they have said that they would hire round the clock nannies, to do the running for them but they would be hands on all the time.

If my parents aren't around then the boys will go to my best friend and her husband, and if not my other best friend and her husband will get the boys. We put 2 backup's after my parents in case something ever happened to us and dh's family challenged our will and what would happen to the boys. We wanted to make sure there were a couple of other options so his family could never touch them!

Kathzoo · March 2011

My parents-They are younger, still working, have space in their house, great schools.

DH's parents-They are older, have less resources, but could still raise a kid.

DH's brother-Owns a house, getting married soon, stable income.

Surprisingly, DH and I easily agreed on this order.

Seattle_JiLLn · March 2011

My sister and her husband are listed in our wills right now. I am thinking that when they are older, like high school, I might consider changing it to my BFF and her husband so the boys could stay here with their friends rather than having to move to Chicago if we both die.

Mysticblossom21 · March 2011

DH and I had a conversation about this too after watching that same movie. It really puts it into perspective that we need to have a plan in place if something were to happen to us.

We decided DD would first go to my good friend and her husband. They are young, have two kids, one if which is only 9 months older than DD. They are stable and have good resources to take care of her. The only down side to them taking her is they are military which would take her away from our families if something were to happen. We decided though that still, this would be the best option and she would only be a plane ride away if my parent's or DH parent's wanted to see her (or they could send for her in the summers when she's older).

Our second back up option was my cousin and his wife. They again are young, in their mid 30's and have two small boys. They also have a similar parenting style. DD would be still out of state (Idaho) but they aren't military and so it wouldn't be changing every few years.

We felt that these two options were the best ones for DD. We really were just looking for a couple who would take her in as their own and was more-or-less a neutral party versus going to my parents or DH's parents.

heather318 · March 2011

We really need to get wills drafted so we have all of this in writing. But he would definitely go to my parents. I have an 18 month old niece that currently lives with them (my sister is a single mom in Iraq until the summer). And my dad already watches Jake while I'm at work. Picking them was an easy decision.

DH's parents weren't even considered. They live 3 hours away and I don't think they'd really know what to do with a young kid full time.

If something happened to my parents and they weren't an option, I really don't know who we'd go with. As I said, my sister is a single parent and DH's sister is definitely NOT someone you'd want your kid to go with. She's a spazz when he starts crying.

Seattle_JiLLn · March 2011

Everyone should definitely get wills if you don't have them already...

One thing to consider about going to a non-family member is the burden on that family of making sure your parents and ILs are still involved in their lives. That's one reason I didn't go straight to my BFF for the kids - I wouldn't want her to have to juggle trying to deal with her own parents and ILs as well as my parents and ILs.

theresab · March 2011

My oldest brother is listed first, then my 2nd brother.

We picked that order because oldest brother and wife live here, even though they are older (over 40) and their kids are older (10-17). While it might put their empty nest plans out a few years, they wouldn't hesitate to take Emily and any future kids.

We thought 2nd brother and wife were moving out here, but they aren't now, but it doesn't really matter. They are the next best choice. They are also older with just 1 child (13), and again they wouldn't hesitate to take Emily. 3rd brother has kids closer in age to Em, but they have their hands full with 2 kids with medical (hearing) issues and they also are out of state.

We don't see my husband's brother enough to have that as a choice, while he married with a kid close to Emily, they are again out of state and given how little we hear from them I would worry about Emily staying connected with my family.

Interestingly our lawyer had us name just my brothers as guardians, in case they ever got divorced. She also said it is still all subject to court approval, and guardian is just person legally responsible, the guardian could determine something is better for the child (in terms of who they live with).

preston18 · March 2011

It was kind of easy for us becasue DH is an only and I have one sister. She loves N and is devoted to to him. She's younger (27 not crazy young!) and lives in an apartment but it is our responsibilty to provide N with housing should we die, not my sister's. We have enough life insurance and a seperate trustee so I don't worry about the finances. She is doing very well for herself and would take on the responsibilty, but we'll take care of that.

If she marries a loser (unlikely) we'll revisit things.

The plan is also not a secret in either family so if something happened no one should be surprised.

doublem · March 2011

We're blessed in that my siblings are all stable and have great spouses, and my H's older brother and his wife are fantastic. (His younger brother and sister have a lot of growing up to do still.) If anything happens to us, my younger brother and SIL will take E, mostly since we are closest to them and they live closest to our families. After them is my H's brother and SIL, and after them would be my middle brother and SIL. My mom has too many medical issues to be able to help raise our daughter, and my MIL had a hard enough time raising her own kids, so our parents are not the greatest option for us, even though we love them.

cwhip77 · March 2011

My SIL, my MIL, and my best friend, in that order. We went with people who knew Mikayla the best, who we thought would care for her and raise her with (almost) as much love as we would. We also went by parenting style as well - for instance we didn't go with a couple we know who have children already because I'm not crazy how they discipline their kids. I feel like this is one of the times you can be super judgemental about how other people raise their children. Wink

MrsH_08 · March 2011

We've started talking about this, as well. We ruled out our parents, and really everyone on DH's side. My sister and her husband have 3 young boys and would be a good option, except she lives in IL and I wouldn't want to uproot the child's whole life. (This is the same reason that she didn't put me for her kids' guardian.) Plus, my sister really does have her hands full. My younger brother will be a good dad some day, but his housing and lifestyle can't accommodate it now.

We're left considering one of my closest girl friends. We would 100% trust them, but worry because, at least at this time, they're single, no SO, no kids. We just worry about stable income, room in their houses to add a child, willingness to change their lifestyle to become a single parent, etc. I foresee us agonizing about this a lot longer.

kristalovesjared · March 2011

Thanks everyone for your responses!

The people that DH and I both think would do the best job taking care of Ella are people we've only known for a year, but LOVE her so much and are wonderful, responsible people. There are only 4 people that Ella feels completely comfortable with (me, DH, my mom, and our neighbor) so I know they'd do just fine. They are our neighbors. Our gut tells us they are the best, but then when we start thinking about it, we've only known them for a little over a year. All of our best friends do not have kids and I do not see them having kids anytime soon. Most are single, a few are married but still going out all the time. Not the right parents for my kids!!! SIL has 3 kids and is struggling and my brother is 26, single and lives in West Virginia.

Our only other option we'll consider is my aunt and uncle, early 40's and have a 10 year old. Ella does not know them nearly as well as our neighbors, but they are great parents and very well off financially.

Such a hard decision.

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