Those that started as single moms..
Just some questions..
Did you have anyone help you when LO arrived? Did you go back to work after? How long did it take for you to receive any support from BD (if you got any)? How long after LO did you start dating again (if you have)? How do you REALLY feel about doing this solo?
Just sort of wondering how everyone else handled being a single mom off the bat. So far things are very easy for me, but then again i'm still on maternity leave, and I was blessed with a very calm baby. My mom helped for the first two weeks, and now i'm on my own. But I'd love to hear from those of you that are ahead of me in this. Cause I know reality is right around the corner to smack me in the face. (if this makes no sense, please remember i'm slightly brain dead from lack of sleep)
Re: Those that started as single moms..
I split from my XH when I was eight months pg, so I was on my own from day one.
My mom and aunt helped a ton when P arrived. My mom stayed with me for a few weeks until I was comfortable on my own.
XH WAS paying support from the get go. A lot of it. However, that all stopped last May and I have only received one CS payment along with a small garnishment from his bank account since then. He owes me more than $11K in back support.
I went on my first date about six months after we split. I have dated a lot and had a few VERY short term relationships since then.
How do I really feel about being a single mom? Usually I am ok with it. But there are times where it has been really tough. Given my situation, it cannot be any other way. I just try to make the best of things and do my best to not feel differently than other families. I like being able to parent how I see fit (I am sure that XH and I wouldn't agree on a lot of different aspects of parenting).
I kicked my stage 5 clinger boyfriend to the curb when I was about 2-3 months pregnant. My brother and SIL bought a house 3 years ago that was large enough for them, and my daughter and I. So I live with them. But they are not "kids" people and never plan on having kids. So they have never had that instinct to help if that makes sense. Not that they wont! Because they will but I have to ask.
So from day 1 I was on my own. They both work full time so it was just me and the baby (my daughter is 12 and would be at school).
My company does not have a mat leave so everything I took off was unpaid. I ended up having to go back to work right at 6 weeks. And he started daycare.
My son's father has only seen him maybe a half dozen times in a year so its just me.
Did you have anyone help you when LO arrived? My parents were really good, BD left at 8 mo preggo and tried coming around when DD was 2 weeks.
Did you go back to work after? I went back at 3 weeks, DD stayed with her great grandma until she was 6 mo then went to DC
How long did it take for you to receive any support from BD (if you got any)? BD paid my rent for 8 months, then quit I took him to court and 5 months after that started getting regular $ support.
How long after LO did you start dating again (if you have)? like 3 months? Met my now H exactly 2 years ago fromt his weekend!
How do you REALLY feel about doing this solo? I honestly loved being a single parent for the most part, it was just me and DD and I did things our way and didn't have to worry about somebody else, of course there were hard times when we both were sick or we both were just beyond tired and upset, I remember us both sitting on my couch just crying. It was a huge adjustment when H moved in with us, trying to accomodate and share the time and attention.
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My ex and I were split long before I had DS. The first week my mom stayed with me to help out and after that I was on my own. I did live with my sister and her FI for a while too so that was nice to have them there. I'm still on mat leave (we get a year in Canada) and have received minimal CS from ex. There is nothing formal set up just yet but I am going to a lawyer on Monday to start the process.
As far as my feelings on doing it solo - it's all i've ever known so I don't know any different. I know there is going to come a day when DS will ask about "daddy" and I'm not sure just yet how to handle it but I do want to be as honest as possible without dirty details.
I've been very lucky to have great family support from my parents, cousins, and sister. I know it sounds weird but being on your own right from the get go might work to your advantage, at least it has for me.
"There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living."
Did you go back to work after?I haven't yet but I'm planning on it. It's just so hard to find somewhere to take her in the little town I live in.
How long did it take for you to receive any support from BD (if you got any)?I don't have any..How long after LO did you start dating again (if you have)? I haven't started dating yet but there is someone that is around. Most guys just aren't okay with seeing someone with a kid.
How do you REALLY feel about doing this solo? Some days are good, some days are just horrible. He was never around the entire time I was pregnant, so I've been doing it since I found out really. The help has been nice, but I know we are better off without him, as sad as that is.
I did have XH around to help after YDD was born, even though it was not as much as if he actually lived with me. I also had my parents and siblings and friends for support.
XH started paying regularly about 5 months after he left, the next month I had a court order in place due to the divorce filing. He did go about six months after the D was final last fall not paying, but wages are being garnished now.
I'm really getting to the place now where I'm thinking about dating. It's been almost 2 years that I've been on my own.
I hate that I have to do this solo (XH is there, but not as a H, so I don't always have the emotional support I wish I did) but I've survived so far and I'll get by just fine for the next 17 years...
My SO left before the pee on the stick was dry! He made it very clear he didn't want anything to do with either of us and that's fine with me. We have not attempted to contact him and he has never seen LO - doesn't even know if LO was a boy or girl!
I moved back in with my parents and rent their upstairs. Not ideal but ideal for right now. I am back to work and work at a daycare where I can take DS with me. The pay isn't great, but the lack of childcare expense makes it worthwhile.
The first few weeks were very difficult. I had a complicated forceps delivery and tore from @$$hole to eyebrow! lost bladder control, the whole 9 yards. I wouldn't have made it without my mom. She changed and bathed LO and brought him to me to hold and BF. But we are doing well on our own now and I hope the sperm-donor never tries to contact either one of us! He doesn't deserve it!