Maybe regretting team green status...talk me through...

jessicasuzann · March 2011

Hi all.

I had my u/s at 20 weeks, and elected to not find out the gender. I was at peace with that decision then.

But now, about 6 weeks later, I am worried that I should have. Our house is so small, and I wish I could either get DD's clothes ready...or give them all away and get some boy things. I feel unreasonably anxious when people look at me and say, "Oh, you're DEFINITELY having a boy," or 10 minutes later someone else says just as emphatically it's another girl! (Maybe it's just hormones, but it really irritates me.) And DD keeps insisting on having a baby sister...I feel like I'd like to either reassure her or get her ready for a brother.

I know that these are small issues, and that I can/need to just deal with them eventually. I guess I am just less sure of my decision. (And I only bother bringing it up because I have another u/s coming up at about 28 weeks, due to a medical issue...and likely again at 32 weeks. So I could find out if I wanted to.) Talk me through this...should I stay 'green' or just find out and stop worrying needlessly over small things? Thanks for your opinions. :-)

Roseallen112 · March 2011

I was very Team green for a bit but then for my own certain reasons I decided I am going to find out. If you want to and you would feel better than do it. No matter what it will be a surprise. I completely understand what you're going through though.

ccorso · March 2011

This is such a personal decision - I don't know that anyone can help you one way or another. For us...we are team green. My husband really has no desire to know until birth and for me, I feel like if I knew now, it would be like opening the side of my Christmas present and ruining the surprise on Christmas morning. We are also very laid pack - don't have to have everything in order kinda people.

However, I have a friend who found out what she was having...there was no way that she should go through the pregnancy not knowing. She is a single mom with some financial difficulty - for her, things were so upside down in her life, she needed to know to get control of somethings in her life.

It is really a personal decision - don't think I helped much other than to say - the circumstances in our life will sometimes drive this decision.

zhirsch · March 2011

If it would make you feel better and give you peace of mind then maybe you should find out. Things change, and just because you were team green all this time doesn't mean that you have to follow through or it was all for nothing. Plus, like PP said, it's still a surprise. You can make it a special moment by having the u/s tech write the gender on a piece of paper and then go out to a nice dinner with DH and open it together, just the two of you.

fabfive · March 2011

zhirsch:
If it would make you feel better and give you peace of mind then maybe you should find out. Things change, and just because you were team green all this time doesn't mean that you have to follow through or it was all for nothing. Plus, like PP said, it's still a surprise. You can make it a special moment by having the u/s tech write the gender on a piece of paper and then go out to a nice dinner with DH and open it together, just the two of you.

this!!!

BlueEyedWitch09 · March 2011

zhirsch:
You can make it a special moment by having the u/s tech write the gender on a piece of paper and then go out to a nice dinner with DH and open it together, just the two of you.

This! Smile

Kdonn15 · March 2011

You sound really anxious and that can't be good for you, your family or your baby (please don't take offense). Being Team Green is supposed to (I think at least) be an enjoyable surprise at the end of pregnancy and labor, it's not supposed to make one regret their decision to not find out midway through pregnancy what gender their baby is.

Being Team Green isn't for everyone.....every time their pregnant. I think you'd be happier and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy more if you found out at your u/s at 28 weeks. I would suggest you find out then as opposed to holding off until the u/s at 32 weeks because I've "heard" it can be more difficult to determine the sex the further along you are, and I assume this has everything to do with the tighter quarters and positioning of the baby. Good luck!

Suesse2009 · March 2011

I have been the one who has wanted to be surprised while my husband wanted to find out. We decided we would find out for this one and then have our next baby be a surprise. Well I have been so sick that my husband says I deserve to make the final decision on what I want to do. In a way I still want it to be a surprise but then in a way it would make a few things easier if we find out. My ultrasound is next week so we plan on having them write it down and then if we decide later we want to find out we can.

molly11258 · March 2011

you wouldn't need to wait til your next ultrasound. your doctor would have noted the sex and put it in your file. you could make a phone call an know if you really want to.

rose1883 · March 2011

zhirsch:
If it would make you feel better and give you peace of mind then maybe you should find out. Things change, and just because you were team green all this time doesn't mean that you have to follow through or it was all for nothing. Plus, like PP said, it's still a surprise. You can make it a special moment by having the u/s tech write the gender on a piece of paper and then go out to a nice dinner with DH and open it together, just the two of you.

Agreed with this! I'm a planner. Even if this wasn't my first, I'd still have to know- I'd want to know if I'd be able to reuse my first child's clothes or if I'd need to budget to buy new stuff pink vs. blue. A friend of mine had the doc write it on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope, then they went to a local bakery and gave them the envelope and asked if they could make them a chocolate cake with layers in either pink or blue, based on whatever was written on the paper. They took the cake home and had it after dinner and were able to be surprised together that way, which I thought was really cute. I'd never make it home though... I'd stick my hand in the cake the minute it was done lol Can you tell I was the kid that shook all the presents on Christmas morning?

Kitten80 · March 2011

molly11258:
you wouldn't need to wait til your next ultrasound. your doctor would have noted the sex and put it in your file. you could make a phone call an know if you really want to.

not necessarily. Our tech does NOT look or take note of the sex if the parents don't want to know so that noone can accidentally let it slip. To op: I love being team green, but if it is stressing you out consistently, (not just a hormonal day) then don't feel like you can't change your mind. You got to do what nakes you happy. Gl!

abrazz · March 2011

I slightly regret it sometimes, like when I see cute little outfits onsale for boys (we have a ton of girl clothes) and I wish I would have found out. It goes away pretty quickly though. if it's super stressful then I would just find out. I asked my doctor if the gender was noted on the ultrasound and he said that it wasn't so he doesn't know either so we would have to get another u/s if we wanted to find out.

moneebgz · March 2011

I was completely team green with our first...and it was a wonderful surprise. I swore I would never find out. We're pregnant with our second, and I feel compelled to find out the gender this time. For many of the same reasons you're concerned about. Mainly, to prepare our son. I say go for it! Good luck

Kierasmommy09 · March 2011

If it is going to cause any amount of unnecessary, avoidable stress, I don't see the point in it. Just my opinion though. Personally I HATE not knowing so I could never do it.

ajmasl · March 2011

yes, it sounds like it's stressing you out a great deal and you know what they say about stress for the baby... I think if you'd like to have peace of mind and truly be able to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, then you should go with what your heart is telling you, which right now sounds like it's saying to find out. Good luck with your decision.

aussiebabies · March 2011

IMHO...If finding out could make your life even a little bit easier, I say you go for it!

mesr · March 2011

i agree with pp. if you will feel better knowing the baby's sex, go for it!

i'm happily team green, but i can see how there are certainly advantages to knowing the baby's sex and being able to prepare. do whatever makes you most comfortable.

bundymommy · March 2011

I'm with everyone else - if it would ease your mind, go for it and find out! DH and I are happily team green; we're actually worried we will accidentally find out the sex at the u/s in a month!

Good luck!

dolphant3 · March 2011

Don't feel you need to stay team green just because you started out that way... We are team green and have to get another ultrasound at 28-32 weeks as well. We don't have another child to prepare, so we're going to stay team green. Ultimately you make the final decision, but since most people have said to find out...

Here are some arguments for staying team green:

You can save money by just buying a few gender neutral clothing items before birth. After LO is born you may recieve gifts and therefore it will save you money on clothes. Plus you can always use DD's clothing if its a girl, or sell them after the baby is born if its a boy.

Your DH will get to announce the sex of the baby to the whole family. It's much more exciting to hear "It's a boy!!" or "It's a girl!!" than "He's here!".. Yes it's still exciting, but not as exciting as waiting to hear what the baby is...

Not great arguments, and as stated in pp's if its stressing you out, don't feel obligated to stay team green. Smile

jessicasuzann · March 2011

Thanks, everyone. Sometimes it's just nice to hear that it's ok to feel a certain way, you know? :-)

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