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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
Are there any widows here?
Long story short, my BIL was perfectly healthy two weeks ago and is now diagnosed with a fast growing brain tumor. They only give him a couple of months to a year. He and my sister have four small kids, ages 6-11. Obviously my family is devastated. I'm so worried for my sister. She has a lot of support around her now but how in the world do you plan for this?
I'm just wondering if anyone has gone through a loss like this and what advice can you give me?
I'm just wondering if anyone has gone through a loss like this and what advice can you give me?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Are there any widows here?
I am so sorry that your family is going through this
Maybe try the single parents board?
I would check with your local Hospice. They can connect your sister to any support groups/resources. They also have programs for children who have experienced a loss. Its all completely free.
I'm so sorry you and your family are experiencing this.
I am not. I just came in to say I am so very sorry for you and your family.
Has the hospital discussed counseling for your sister as well as the children? At this point, it may even be helpful for you. I realize that seems like the smallest priority, but I bet you could gain a lot that you could then bring back to your family to be the best possible support through this time.
Ugh so sorry your BIL and you're all going through this. How horrible.
I lost my first husband on New Years Eve/Day 2004. He had a stroke and I was with him. It was devastating. My friends and family were so helpful at first and that was fantastic but it was the times months afterwards when I was lonely or sad that I needed someone. There were small gestures that meant so much. On Valentine's day a few of my friends sent me a teddy bear and chocolates to work because they knew I didn't have a valentine. My mom did very sweet random things for me like this as well. Just to let me know that she was thinking of me. Just calling to see how her day went would be a great gesture. Or getting someone to baby sit and going out to a movie or to dinner, just the girls. Those were the things that helped me so much.
We did not have children. We had an appt with the high risk dr for the week after he died.
This may seem callous or the least of her worries but my biggest piece of advise is to make sure everything is in order and that she knows who to contact about insurance, making sure that the house is in her name, that there are no loose ends. I had so much I had to fight for that would be so hard with kids in the mix. I had to hire a lawyer to keep my house out of the hands of creditors. The life insurance couldn't find my name on the policy and he had a daughter from a previous marriage. Luckily they figured it out and we split the insurance. Any credit cards that are in his name only are not the responsibility of the spouse so I didn't have to pay those. They tried to collect but there was no "estate". Even cars are an issue. In our state if my name is not on the vehicles and there is no will I got one car but if there are any others in his name only they had to go to probate.
It is so sad but at least she has some time and some warning. I knew my husband had heart problems and we were dealing with it but I never thought that we would only be married less than three years.
That is such a sad situation. I was not married, but my DD's father passed away 7 years ago when she was 5. Grief counseling is invaluable for the children as well as your sister. I also agree about making sure things are in order and you have all the information you need to make the calls for insurance and such. Lastly, just be there for her not only right away but in the months after when a lot of it has died down, she will still have very bad and very dark days where she will need you.