Back from Doctor - Interesting Appt. Longish

thewayiam · February 2011

So, yesterday I'd posted about how my family doctor was off due to her cancer, and how glad I was that she is back once per week and is beating cancer - and now I get to see her! So I just got back from her office. Let me start by saying that I really trust this doctor, she's really been there for me and has followed through with important medical attention on issues that others have ignored (e.g., endometriosis).

First, she gave me some tough love in two respects. You might be interested:

1) She told me that although I'm 36 and it's been a year since we first stared, including our loss, it's not actually been that long. She went on to say that the length of time I TTC'd before our BFP was not that long, we've had a setback, and we're moving on. She said that the fact that we have a genetic reason (Trisomy 18) that we do not carry, means it's a one-off and to let it go as it will likely not happen again. She also is the first person to tell me I am not old, and to get over that. She said that compared to many, I am young. I'm not 45. I have time.

2) This one you might really be interested in:

She told me to stop charting. I had printed out my charts and she told me to stop, and to stop now. I'm being referred to a fertility doctor that she trusts, and they will monitor my cycle. She told me that this temping, checking CM, OPKs, etc.is causing stress that produces a hormone (foget what it's called) that counters everything we're trying to do. She said that in some African cultures, they acutally use this mind thing (think about getting pregnant all the time) as birth control. I said, no way! She said, yes.

I said that it's the only thing I feel like I can control. She said that the one thing that will help is to stop this stress of charting, etc. and to get some endorphins going. Exercise, laugh, get fresh air, and have fun having sex. Do it every other day all month long, and it'll happen (as she says we have no diagnosed reason to think it won't happen, even with the loss).

Now, she is recovering from cancer. She told me that the one thing she can really tell me is the power of positive thought over our bodies. She said it might sound like hocus-pocus (her term) but that scientific/medical research is supporting these theories. She also said she wouldn't be sitting there recovering from cancer if she did do this at length during her sickness.

So, I'm not sure what I'm going to do for the rest of this month. But next month I am certainly taking a FF break. I have some thinking to do. What she said makes sense. I had some more blood work done, and will await the referral to the fertility doctor.

Then, I got home, and a friend referred me to this site (how timely). Anyone hear of it before? Looks interesting. https://www.circlebloom.com/fertility-pregnancy-programs/

Sorry so long. DH has been telling me to stop charting. Now my (incredibly amazing) doctor is insisting on it too. Hmmmmmm...........

tootlebug · February 2011

i think that's great feedback!!! 36 isnt old btw ; )

i did get pg with my son when i was charting....and i've read a lot of stuff about how stress doesnt affect getting KU.....but i know their are SO many differing opinions about this. but i do charting makes things overall stressful. most REs dont want to look at charts. they want to be the control freaks, not you.

one thing that i did with my m/c, that i might go back to doing, is to temp when i get my + OPK and then confirm the shift and then leave it at that.

emeraudecephiro · February 2011

After I stopped charting, it was incredibly freeing for me. I am glad you have a great doctor

julesjb · February 2011

Hmmm my RE told me the same thing. I had to continue opk just to start crinone but told me to "cut the crap" with taking my temp!! I told my DH though that I wonder now that I have been doing it so long if the constant wondering and worrying about not knowing would be just as bad!! GL she sounds like she cares about your best interest a lot! ((hugs))

Izabella22 · February 2011

I'm glad you posted this - thanks! My doctor said the same thing, not to chart and stress myself out, and I was kind of irritated by her brush off of it all but its interesting to hear that another doctor has the same opinion. I was also thinking of the whole positive thinking and wondering if being so negative could impact. It does sound kind of hocus pocus, but at the same time you see it all the the time in people who are ill, if they have a good attitude about things they tend to have higher survival rates. Interesting food for thought!

MommyandKate · February 2011

Wow- she had a lot of interesting points. I was definitely cheering when I got to the "She said that compared to many, I am young. I'm not 45. I have time." part! I like the positive thinking, too. I don't know if charting is the enemy, but if it's causing stress instead of relieving it, there is some logic to that.

HadleyS · February 2011

Gosh, sounds like you had a wonderful appointment! So, that being said, do you think that you would be able to stop charting? I think it would be difficult to stop, for sure (for me, personally). I definitely agree with the power of positive thinking. The way I see it is this: it can't hurt!

Thanks for sharing the site, I think I'll check it out right now.

lotus88 · February 2011

I'm glad she was able to put things into perspective for you. DH wants me to stop charting, which is part of why I made this plan to chart every other cycle. The one month I got pregnant (after 10 of trying), was the month I had given up - no charting, hardly any BD, no FWP. So maybe there really is something to this hormone business she's talking about. Everybody's body is different. Sometimes I beat myself up with things like, "ppl got pregnant in concentration camps, from rape, why not me?" That isn't at all productive though.

I'll consider this no charting thing. Too bad I have an unopened box of digital O tests.

MDT082010 · February 2011

My RE and my OB gave me similar advice.

However my RE wants me to start using the CBEFM (Clear Blue Fertility Monitor) for 6 months (due to endo) - if I don't have success he will do testing.

My OB (knowing my personality) said to stick with doing it every other day all month. Not to get involved with fertility monitors OR charting.

My acupuncturist thinks charting is the best method.

Very confusing when 3 different "caregivers" give different advice.

The month I got my BFP I wasn't charting (I did monitor CM) so maybe these doctors are onto something???

I am a strong believer in positive thinking. I feel the mind is a very powerful tool.

stephsteph77 · February 2011

That's funny - my doc told my to stop temping too! He said if I wanted to do anything then use OPK's. I've already decided I'm not temping after I O next cycle, but now I'm thinking of dropping it altogether and just using the OPK. Hopefully I'll start sleeping better again. I swear I wake up all the time wondering if it's close to temping time and it drives me nuts.

I'll say, however, it was nice to temp for a while and assure myself that I was ovulating after the loss. Now that I know I am, maybe it's time to step away from the BBT.

MandaS08 · February 2011

I do love hearing your doctor say you still have plenty of time! And I think trying to relieve stress is always beneficial-even if you're not TTC it is still good for your health.

glitterfish 213 · February 2011

Sounds like you have a great Dr. who cares about you in every aspect of your health. Her advice is a refreshing reminder of positive thinking and I think we can all up our doses on that

I'm so glad you posted this as I feel pretty good about my choice not to chart/temp because I didnt want to be too stressed about stuff but I do test for ovulation. That being said, I can still stress and obsess as I do so its nice to be reminded to have fun and relax and think positively!

mizdiz444 · February 2011

Sounds like you have a really great doctor. I've heard of circle bloom and I've thought about buying one of their programs, but haven't yet. One of the girls on another board uses it.

thewayiam · February 2011

wickedsugar:

Glad your appt. went well, and that you are being refered to an RE (Which one ?? Yes I'm being nosey).

Honestly, I can't recall the name, 100%. I stupidly didn't write it down. But she highly recommends this person, and I really trust her referrals. I'll let you know asap when she calls me, ok? I think it was Dr. Ken Cadesky who seems to be at Mt. Sinai (this will be my 4th Mt. Sinai doctor with all my appts. re: the loss). Anyway, I'll let you know.

thewayiam · February 2011

Thanks for all of your replies. I've been thinking a lot this aft (and napping, since I took the afternoon off to go to the doctor!) I am glad that I've been temping and charting. I know so much more about my body. Which is good - but also bad in a way. My doctor was really adamant about my stopping the charting, and about the positive thinking thing.

DH and I talked after the appt and realized that when we got our BFP last summer, I was using OPKs but we were having sex sort of now and then. Not as much as we are now.

So, I think I'll pee on sticks this month, make some more relaxation appts (massage, facial, etc.) and try to calm down. If we ever book ourselves this vacation, I'll be on a beach during the 2ww and likely won't temp anyway. Who knows!

tmhdmh · February 2011

My dr said the same thing. Charting will just stress you out. so I'm not doing it anymore. especially since my RE will be monitoring my cycle.

thanks for sharing this!

nikki04vb · February 2011

I've given a lot of thought to the charting thing.

When we were first TTC we just BDed every day for like 2.5 weeks straight and had fun and I read pregnancy books and thought about how great it was going to be. I wasn't even sure when I would O bc I never tracked my cycles. I ended up KTFU the first try.

Now.... we're doing everything by the book, charting, checking CM 80 times a day, using preseed, using OPKs.... and not having much luck.

We're going to TTA for a while, but I may try without charting when we TTC again.

hugs&hissyfits · February 2011

I don't chart because I would be totally neurotic about it so I only do OPK's. Good luck whatever you decideZZZ

Tapatio · February 2011

I got pregnant twice while charting so I'm not too sure I'd be willing to give it up. I think I'm ok as long as the charting doesn't create extra stress. I'm all for incorporating more relaxation throughout the month! Massages, wine, hot sex....sounds great! I'm glad your appointment went well.

EricaK28 · February 2011

I am glad that your appointment went well and she gave you some good information. I think relaxation probably helps that is what I am trying to do by excercising more.

jertie · February 2011

Your doctor sounds awesome! I think she's on to something too. I was originally charting so I could get a feel for what my body was doing and to have something I could give to my doctor if our efforts weren't working out - making sure I was O'ing, tracking the length of my LP. (She told me to come and see her after 4 cycles if we haven't had any luck.) So now the 4 cycles are up (pretty sure anyway, started spotting today) and I have an appt with her in 2 weeks.

I think I'll give her my charts, but as soon as AF shows, I'll stop temping and give this new approach a whirl as it appears my cycles are really regular (knock on wood). When we conceived Ace I wasn't doing anything. I used OPKs for the 2 months prior to TTC so I could figure out when I O'd but that was it - and we conceived the first cycle (ah, the good ol' days). Thanks for posting this - you have no idea how much I appreciate it!

thewayiam · February 2011

jertie:

Your doctor sounds awesome! I think she's on to something too. I was originally charting so I could get a feel for what my body was doing and to have something I could give to my doctor if our efforts weren't working out - making sure I was O'ing, tracking the length of my LP. (She told me to come and see her after 4 cycles if we haven't had any luck.) So now the 4 cycles are up (pretty sure anyway, started spotting today) and I have an appt with her in 2 weeks.

I think I'll give her my charts, but as soon as AF shows, I'll stop temping and give this new approach a whirl as it appears my cycles are really regular (knock on wood). When we conceived Ace I wasn't doing anything. I used OPKs for the 2 months prior to TTC so I could figure out when I O'd but that was it - and we conceived the first cycle (ah, the good ol' days). Thanks for posting this - you have no idea how much I appreciate it!

You know, it's funny - I brought my charts thinking she'd be impressed with my knowledge and the control I was taking over my situation. Boy was I wrong! I'm still thinking about what I'm going to do (I did just POAS - negative OPK). But she really started me thinking. I don't think relaxation or a stress-free life is the only thing that will do anything, that's for sure, but I was more relaxed than I'd been all year when I did get my +HPT.

She was really adamant about the research being done on positivity, and visualization, on your cells, with this cancer situation to prove it. She said to actually visualize the sperm meeting the egg, visualize implantation, visualize myself pg. Knowing it sounded really new-agey (she IS an MD, not a naturopath), she told me that drug companies (and I suppose, companies like FF) don't get rich off of this type of thinking.

Food for thought, anyway.

corndog8 · February 2011

sounds like you have a great Dr. and she's looking out for your best interests. It seems like she has an interesting train of thought and maybe something to it. I hope things fall into place for you Maybe there is something to positive thinking. My best wishes, thoughts and luck to you friend.

It's funny that DH and a good friend of mine were telling me the same thing last eek... stop doing temp and charting and just BD, and have fun. Before loss, I started charting for 2 weeks, then my friend said ... stop... you are just starting out.. give it a bit... have fun.. and then in a few months if nothing, then try, but don't stress yourself. So I decided, I'd try that.. I started working out, quit doing temp.. (did OPK based on my cell app) and it seemed to work that next mo. So now... they are saying the same thing. DH says to just have sex, have fun and stop stressing over it -if it's meant to happen this month, then it will, if not, then try again.... Ugh.. I want to keep going this mo. just to see if my body is back to normal after 1st AF after D&C... but not sure after that..?

Let me know what you decide.

Eris-Alexis · February 2011

The not charting thing is interesting. I could see stopping if it is causing you undue stress, but for me I think it would be more stressful if I didn't chart. The one month I tried not charting I was a wreck, and charting was the way I discovered (and was able to prove) that I have issues with my hormones. If I hadn't been charting I wouldn't be able to prove that I have PCOS (or at least that they should check something other than androgen levels) and that my LP is on the short side. My RE was fine with me continuing to chart, especially as I have never gotten a positive OPK and she thinks it unlikely that I will.

StaceyM06 · February 2011

Sounds like you have an amazingly supportive doctor. I have been going back and forth with temping only, but it has stressed me out and made me a bit obsessive. So I think I will still with OPKs for now. GL with whatever you decide!

lavril · March 2011

This is so interesting - thanks for sharing!

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