Need Advice! Due on SIL wedding date!

beebsnme · March 2011

Soo.. I am new to the October birth club and I have a very serious/worrisome question to ask you all. DH and I found out that our due date is the exact date of his sister's upcoming wedding. ?We are both in the wedding party and the wedding is half way across the U.S., which requires us to fly.?When do we tell our parents/his sister our wonderful/might ruin her wedding day news? I am 7w3d right now and we weren't planning on telling our parents until at least 8 weeks. I have had confirmatory bloodwork but do not have an ultrasound until March 30th right around 11.5 weeks. ?I am worrying about 1. her being upset about us possibly/most likely not being able to attend or participate in her big day 2. worried about telling our parents/family too soon in case of m/c. 3. we were not trying to conceive so its going to be a big surprise 4. even if i deliver early how could i leave our newborn home while we attend wedding or drive cross country with a newborn! AHHHH, stressed

any help is much appreciated ?

cantalopes24 · March 2011

Its family so I would tell them ASAP so they can get used to the idea of you not being there. They will live.

nic326 · March 2011

Dont worry! Just tell them! You're having a baby, its not like you can predict your due date (or actual due date for that matter). They will get over it

Puddlezzz · March 2011

Yikes... messy...I'd tell them right after your bloodwork and if I were SIL I'd change my wedding date.

lwogsland · March 2011

Just tell them you're going to have to back out...it's a good excuse, THEY WILL UNDERSTAND!

moviesprincess · March 2011

nic326:
Dont worry! Just tell them! You're having a baby, its not like you can predict your due date (or actual due date for that matter). They will get over it

Ditto.

There is pretty much no way you will be at that wedding so I think it would be better to tell your family soon so they could get used to the idea, and adjust any plans if they want to.

*Bre* · March 2011

FWIW, I moved cross country with my 3 week old after a c/s. It sucked, but was doable. they sleep almost the whole time, so the drive wouldn't be bad nor would a plane trip. You're just going to have to tell them that you're going to play it by ear. Maybe DH could go alone if you've already had the baby?

HappyAardvark · March 2011

Life is messy sometimes and not perfect. But we all have to live our own!

SIL might be upset, but she's really got no other choice than to accept it for what it is. Even though babies don't always come on their due dates, most doctors won't let you travel after ~34 weeks, even with a perfect pregnancy, and I don't know how you could travel cross country with a brand-new newborn if the baby comes early.

But I would tell them sooner rather than later, because this does affect their lives to a big extent as well. If something happens, which hopefully will not be the case, then hopefully they will be supportive as well.

beebsnme · March 2011

wow, i wasn't expecting such a quick response, thanks girls! I am such a nervous person the way it is, i just dont even know how to tell them or what their reaction will be, my family on the other hand will be super excited! It's hard to be as excited as we should when we know that SIL and probably MIL will be happy but probably a little upset with the wedding plans..

ButtonsPepper · March 2011

Ditto, there's no way you can commit to fly... so I'd just tell them. If something does happen god forbid, you have family for support, and most likely this baby will be perfect and healthy, and then you will have family to share in your joy. As a bride, I'd want to know as early as possible though, otherwise I'd feel like it was being kept from me. She may be bummed at first... but you have a good excuse!

kelfeen · March 2011

maybe email her - to give her a chance to react in her own way before talking to her about it directly? she is likely to have a huge range of emotions about it.

Julie822 · March 2011

I would tell them ASAP as well. I don't know what type of person your SIL is, but some people are pretty particular about their weddings. Chances are, you won't be able to go, unless you go into labor early, and even in that case, you might not want to go. And she might want to find a substitute for you in the wedding party. I don't mean for this to be crass - I am just trying to minimize the tension between you and your SIL. Before you call though, I would talk to YH and try to figure out if he is going to feel comfortable going or not, just so she knows the whole situation.

We are in a similar, but not as bad situation. My SIL is getting married half way across the country when I am 34 weeks. So chances are, everything will be okay and MH and I can both go. But, if there are any complications or if my due date changes, I won't be able to go and MH keeps saying how he isn't going to leave me home alone at that point (which is cute, but I think he needs to go to his sister's wedding...).

We told our parents basically as soon as we found out because we figured we would also tell them if something went wrong.

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