XP - switching DD from daycare to nanny....SO torn I could cry...

jarbatz · March 2011

Glad to see people are still posting here....

So here's the situation - while we love DD's daycare, she has been sick a lot and since DH and I both work FT, we have to send her back to DC probably sooner than we should and I feel like she just can't fully get well...we've also missed work due to snow days, power outages, etc, which we still have to pay for. I also feel guilty that DD has to be there from 7:30-8 AM until 5-5:30 PM and sleeps like crap there.

The flip side though is that I believe the socialization aspect of daycare is really good for her. But the one-on-one care of a nanny is also very appealing.

Ugh...I'm so torn...and scared I'm going to make the wrong decision. Crying

Anyone have any experience with this? Any insight or advice?

Piranha54 · March 2011

Wine, Tuesday night. We'll chat. I am so there for you - well, recently we've had it a bit easier than initially.

which other board did you post on - since this is something we've been talking about too, I'd love to see the replies.

MrsKLS · March 2011

Ha..sadly I am about to undergo the opposite situation. My mom has to have some knee surgery ASAP so Jack will be starting DC next tuesday (1 day shy of his 1st bday). Originally we had planned that my mom would watch him till he was 16 mos and could start in the toddler room (She did the same with Sydney and it worked really good).

I hate having to start him so early as the room he will be in only has 1 nap and he is still very much a 2 nap boy. Plus we are working on using the sippy and starting to transition to milk. I know I am lucky that my mom did it for so long....but I am having a hard time putting my "baby" in someone else's hands - even though I know they will take excellent care of him.

You just got to do what you think is right for Brenna and both of you. As I said Sydney didn;'t go to school till she was 16 mos and she has had no issues...perfectly socialized, smart as a whip.

jarbatz · March 2011

Lisa - I knew you'd respond right away! I cannot wait till wine next Tuesday!!! I had a meltdown last night about it and DH is no help. Isn't it funny how men feel less guilt over these things? All he thinks about is the $$ and at this point, I've completely removed that from the equation....its more about what is best for Brenna, ya know?

Anyway - I posted on 9-12. I'm not really interested in switching her to another daycare (in-home or otherwise)...but I've had a couple people apply to my job posting on sittercity.com and care.com that want to bring their child with them...and I don't know how I feel about that. My home is not big and we don't have a large play area for more kids....plus if I'm spending the $$ on a nanny, I want Brenna to get their full attention, ya know?

I will lots of info to share with you next week though....I'm interviewing this week...and having dinner with 2 friends that have both have nannies for their kids.

pa_kris · March 2011

We had my DD in daycare for just a couple of weeks a year ago (she was 6mos. old) and decided that it wasn't ideal for us at the time. We've had someone watch her in our house for 1 year now and couldn't be happier having her at home. Some advantages: 1. DD is in the care of someone else for few hours each day b/c there is no commuting to daycare, 2. no bags to pack, snacks to prepare, etc. saves DH and I valuable time during the week. 3. DD comes in contact with fewer germs (I know some may see this is a neg.), 4. DH and I don't have to take time off from work if DD gets sick., 5. DD gets lots of individual attention and DH and I get texts, emails, and occassional photos during the day to tell us of anything interesting going on at home with DD. When the weather is nice DD spends lots of time outside and loves it. I work from home 1 day a week so I can hear or check on what DD is doing during the day, but still get work done.

To slightly reduce the hours we would need someone in our home, I started going into work a 1/2 hour earlier so that I could get home a bit earlier and DH started going in 1/2 hour later and coming home slightly later. So DH is here in the morning until our nanny arrives and I get home to hear about the day and send the nanny home.

DD and the nanny have a great relationship. And it's so nice that we have someone that we feel so comfortable with that we can use as a babysitter. She knows DD, our house, our dog, and our routines.

I do want DD to be able to socialize, so take once a week classes at a tumbles gym or music class. She doesn't seem to be shy with the other kids at all!

That's been our experience! Good luck with your decision. It's something that we struggled with last year.

superaunt · March 2011

i never wanted to send Sabrina to daycare. my initial intention was, if i had to work, she would go to in-home care (nanny is not an option-$$). in hindsight, i'm super glad Sabrina is in a center. yes, she's been sick a lot (as have i!!) but i just think it's been incredibly awesome for her to be surrounded by kids day in and day out. sure she didn't get a lot of one on one time like she would've in an in-home setting, but it's not like she's left to take on the world on her own. plus there's more than one caretaker- which is a HUGE PLUS in my eyes. i'd much rather there be more than one adult than just one- even if it's one on one. and teachers alternate rooms every couple hours so they don't get burnt out. for us, the socialization is the biggest seller. Sabrina LOVES her playmates and teachers. it's all she's known though so i'm sure if we would've gone the in-home route, she would be doing great there, too. but since we're team one and done, it's imperative that she learn to be with others. all that aside, there's no way i could personally go the nanny route- and my reasons are purely selfish ones: i'd be super jealous. seriously. if any ONE person gets to spend all day with my doll, it should me or her dad- not a nanny. but that's a REALLY DUMB reason i realize.

if i had the option to go either way, i'd really take my time in deciding and ultimately, i'd follow my gut...

lynnshey · March 2011

We didn't put S into daycare until she was 6 months old and we hated it. Tons of turnover, they weren't taking care of her the way we wanted to, etc. We ended up pulling her after about 1 month and put her in with a nanny. LOVED IT! It was the best decision we could have made. S was the only baby she was watching, got total attention and did a ton of fun learning activities.

Then the nanny's life changed and she couldn't watch S anymore. We had to scramble to find another place to go and ended up going back to another daycare facility. On the good side, S is getting structure, is playing with other kids and is being taken care of. Also, I don't have to worry about finding "alternative" care if her teacher is sick because they have other teachers. On the down side, she has been sick since January, is learning some behaviors I wish she wasn't, and she isn't getting as much personal attention as she is used to.

So I guess my words of wisdom - do what feels right. There is no "best answer" - just the best answer at the time. I will admit - if we could put S in a private setting again, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Piranha54 · March 2011

Liz - can't wait to hear everything - poor Tara having to listen to us. Good luck with the interviews, and I have to say, I kinda agree about not asking to bring their own kids to your house!

robynlesley · March 2011

Due to rough finances, we haven't put DS into daycare and I've been bringing him to my office (family run company). It worked until recently ... now he feels constrained and is restless.

We're actually looking to put him in daycare two days per week (all we can afford). The daycare center is across the street from my office and my best friend's daughter has been going there since she was 3 months old. If my job situation changes, I'll explore more options.

M.Amy · March 2011

We have had a nanny since Matt was 3 months old and I really love it.

I was worried about socialization but once Matt got older I set up play dates with other nannies on the street. Now Matt plays every day with the girls next door and a couple of times a week with another boy down the street. I encouraged our nanny to find opportunities to make sure Matty is not "suck in the house" all day.

I was worried about what would happen if the nanny got sick - but we made a clear sick policy and she has only used it twice since starting in Oct. 08.

I am going to ask our nanny to do more craft-type stuff. Painting etc. But that will be easier once they can do it outside.

Pesky · March 2011

You have to do what is right by you. And sometimes DC isn't hte answer. But here is the other thing to throw into the mix. You are approaching the end of cold and flu season. The first year is also the worst, in my experience, from an illness perspective. And finally, have you talked to the director about what methods of cleaning and sterilizing they are using to be sure that perhaps it is not lax behavior on the part of the center? With infants, it's nearly impossible to prevent germ transmission but there are steps to help.

LyndaCarter · March 2011

If I could afford it I would have a nanny instead of daycare. There are plenty of ways to get interaction with other kids when you have a nanny much like being a SAHM. Storytime at the local library, parks when it is nice (although when is it really nice in Ohio?), playgroups, rec centers, etc.

No need to feel guilty. No matter which choice you make I'm sure you LO will turn out just fine. This decision isn't going to damage her...unless you get a really crappy nanny.

Personally, I wouldn't want someone to bring their LO with them unless I knew them really well and knew how they handled interactions with their LO and other children.

Strunella · March 2011

I'm still on maternity leave, so our nanny hasn't started yet...3 more weeks. (We also found her on care.com). When I was doing my search, I did not want anyone who had young children. Kids get sick a lot, and I didn't want someone who would be needing to take a lot of time off to care for their own kids. I also eliminated nannies who wanted to bring their kids. Like pp, I want DS to get the nanny's undivided attention. I just imagined 2 kids going nuts at once...and I'm guessing nanny would go to her child first!

As far as socialization, my nanny has nanny friends with whom she can arrange play dates with during the week. We have lots of friends with young children, so we'll see them too. It's not like DS will never see other kids!

Good luck in your search! My friend (a former nanny) gave me some good advice: "Looking for a nanny is like looking for a wedding dress...you'll know when you've found the right one."

ScoobyM · March 2011

As others have said, I don't think there is one right answer, but this is our experience. We have had a nanny since Ellie was 3 months old and I went back to work. I am very happy with this choice and feel like it has been great for us. Ellie's illnesses are few and far between and have not been serious. They go out often during the week to various programs like the library or a cool bounce house place that Ellie loves, so Ellie isn't just sitting around in the house. And I really think our nanny has done a great job teaching Ellie things instead of just "babysitting" - they do projects, paint, use play dough, etc. As far as socialization, we had Ellie start going to preschool twice a week when she turned 2.5, around the time Noah was born, and she's doing great there too so I feel like we are getting the best of both worlds.

And I love not having to worry about all the prep of packing for daycare, commute times, etc. I work at home full time so I get to spend time with my LOs right up until my nanny arrives and then just head downstairs to hang out with them again when it is time for her to leave. Plus she is incredible flexible if I have to work late on occasion and need her to stay a bit longer. Our nanny is a part of our family now and we are really really grateful to have found someone we are so comfortable with and trust so much.

SFAug07 · March 2011

We have an Au Pair who has lived with us since Sarah was born. She takes care of Sarah full time and Sarah loves her (and vice versa). She takes her out for activities every day, to the playground, the indoor playground we signed up for during winter, to the zoo, the museum etc. Sarah meets lots of other kids at these places and is interacting well with them. She has been sick twice since she was born, once the stomach flu and once bronchiolitis. The other kids are often sick but Sarah seems to have built her immune system already so she hasn't been sick recently at all. We love the flexibility and personal attention this set up gives us, and the fact that the Au Pair also speaks German with Sarah (she is from Germany). There are a few downsides to it - it took some getting used to having somebody live in our house, you need a large house to accomodate that (but we planned for that when we bought our house) and they are on a temporary program. Our Au Pair's program ends beginning of May so we'll have another one coming. It will probably be harder for us to get used to her than Sarah, she seems pretty adaptable.

Good luck with your decision!

mtnrider · March 2011

jarbatz:

I'm not really interested in switching her to another daycare (in-home or otherwise)...

Just wondering why you wouldn't consider another daycare? You said Brenna sleeps like crap at her current daycare and is sick all the time. Maybe a smaller, in-home daycare might solve that problem. Simon started daycare 7 months ago and has only caught 3 colds and no other illnesses. It's an in-home daycare so the DCP allows the kids to keep their own nap schedules. Simon is still on 2 naps a day, the rest of the kids are older and take 1 nap a day. He sleeps very well there. He also eats better there than at home. We don't have to pack anything for him, the DCP provides all the food. I would send him even if we weren't working. He loves it there. I agree with Pesky that cold and flu season are almost over. Just something to consider. You should also post on the Working Moms board, lots of good daycare advice there. Good luck!

NewMrs07 · March 2011

For us it's a money thing. The nannies I've found want to charge $80-$100 a day while Mother's Day Out programs around here average $250 a month for 3 days a week, 9 to 3. I know that's not ideal for full-time working moms but it works for us since I only work part-time. I love the MDO program, Adrian is really blossoming there and seems to be talking more. He's happy playing with the other kids and eats and naps no problem. But he's 18 months old so he's down to one nap and their nap schedule fits with his. I imagine a younger child might not adjust as easily.

The only drawback is I have to prepare his bag and lunch (they only offer snacks) and he's been getting sick more often. But he was getting sick before he went to daycare, just by going to Gymboree or on playdates. So I think they will get sick anyway and it's good for them to build their immunity. Plus, I know one mom who uses a nanny and her girl is soooo whiney and needy, the mom can't leave her alone for one second or she starts crying. With Adrian, I even leave him at my gym's daycare for an hour and he's as happy as a clam socializing with other kids and playing with new toys. I like that he's more independent.

So DC works for me, but it's a personal decision, my friend prefers her nanny. If we had the resources we might try an Au Pair, but that's not in the cards right now.

peeper72 · March 2011

When we had to orchestrate childcare we found that there were no daycares that stayed open long enough to accommodate our job situations. So a nanny it was.

I am so happy with our choice. Alicia loves Ada like her own baby and cares for her expertly. In kind, Ada adores Alicia. They go off to do things every day (museums, zoo, indoor playgrounds, outdoor playgrounds, library story time). There is a network with the nannies so the children always have other children to play with. Where we live, the cost worked out to be about the same with the added advantage that she comes to us, is flexible if we have work that runs late, and does some very basic housework (laundry, dishes, make the bed).

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XP - switching DD from daycare to nanny....SO torn I could cry...

Re: XP - switching DD from daycare to nanny....SO torn I could cry...

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