Babies: 9 - 12 Months
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WDYT- Re: Nannies
I know someone who is a SAHM, but she has a nanny. (She is a friend of a friend that is a part of the weekly playgroup I go to). The nanny comes with her to playgroup & when the baby (9 months old) has to eat/drink/diaper change, the nanny does it! From what I hear from the mutual friend is, this woman spends her days, shopping, running errands, etc., & the nanny just goes along with her to take care of the baby. But the funny part is, she is always complaining at playgroup how tires she is- are you kidding me?
What are your opinions on it?
Do you have a nanny- if so, why?!
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Re: WDYT- Re: Nannies
Maybe she has sleep apnea and that's why she feels tired every day.
I don't see anything wrong with being a SAHM and having a nanny. That probably just gives the mom more quality time with the baby.
See that I understand, you & your husband both work- trust me, if I could afford it, I would love to have someone help cook, clean, etc- but I just don't understand why a SAHM who has nothing to do (work wise) needs a nanny! I can understand needing a break every now & then being a SAHM- but a daily nanny?
As a SAHM, there are definitely times when I wish I had someone else here to help me out. That being said, I still give a side eye to a SAHM who has a full-time nanny.
If she wanted more quality time with the baby, she could hire a full-time house cleaner.
Bar tab = $156,000, Bus to Foxwoods = $0, Puking in the Stanley Cup = Priceless
She;s a friend of a friend. I don't think OP has enough information to paint her as absentee.
The sleep part, ok, I'll give you that- maybe she has something wrong.
The quality time- ok, yes, she gets to have fun & play with the baby, but when it comes to the actually taking care of the baby, i.e.- feeding, changing diaper, she has the nanny do it?! I only see her at playgroup, not during the rest of the week, so I can't know for sure how she spends her time- but she really needs to bring her nanny to playgroup to change a diaper?!
Is she tired b/c she is up with the baby at night? I think this is a situation where you are comparing who has it worse.
DH and I both work and have a full-time nanny. I was at home with LO for 6 months and would have loved part-time help!
We live in NYC and see SAHM's with full-time hlep all the time. I tend to side-eye full-time..not my syle!
Wow I'm sorry if anyone thinks I'm a b.itch for this, but I give a major side eye to her. SHE'S tired? That poor nanny... My mom watches DD on weekdays because DH and I work 8-5 Monday-Friday, but we don't need a nanny when we can be home with her! She would get on my nerves and I'd have a hard time keeping my mouth shut when she complains about how "hard" it is...
ETA: I see now you don't really have all the information on the daily life of this woman. I think it's kind of weird that she needs a nanny to come to the playgroup to take care of her baby, but we don't know what goes on at home. I would definitely love to have someone help me clean and cook if I was a SAHM because when I was one I needed soooo much help... But I wouldn't have a nanny 24/7. I prefer to take care of my baby's needs.
Mikaela is going to have a little brother!
The sleep part is the least of it- everyone is tired, especially Mom's- my point is, do you really need a nanny to change diapers & feed YOUR child, when you go to playgroup?
Exactly!
1. I think people who can take care of their children should. I think she's missing something by not providing care to her child.
2. There might be something wrong with her, maybe she's prone to seizures so the nanny is on hand in case that happens or something.
3. There are far too many children in this world whose needs are not being met. I guess today I'll be thankful that there is at least one child who has too many folks worrying about it!
The above statement was mine. It is also a perfect example of why I could never have a real AE.
But see, all of the responses prove my point. Yes, you win, you have it worse than her. Why does it matter if she has a nanny to change diapers? I would love to have someone change diapers for me all the time. Does your excitement over changing diapers make you a better mother?
I hate fvcking play groups with a passion. I would need a nanny and a bottle of johnny to get through it.
And I'm not going to side eye anyone who is creating a job for aomeone else.
OP< I think you're slightly touched by the green eyed monster. Go side eye mothers that leave their children alone with no supervision.
We're going to be hiring a nanny to start in January. I'll be going back to work from my mat. leave in February and I want her to get used to the children in advance. I'm going to be working FT and my H works FT. We were supposed to have a nanny start this past September but I got pregnant and plans changed.
I think in that case, it's silly to have a nanny. She's a SAHM, yet she doesn't even take care of her kid...
Are you f'ing kidding me- I am not comparing myself to her by saying I have it worse than her. I just wanted to see what other womans opinions were on the situation. And no it doesn't make me a better mother because I change my own childs diaper. If you don't want the responsibilities that come along with having a child & you just plan on having a nanny do all the work when you are more than capable, then you should not have children. That is my opinion. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion- does it make you a better person by judging my opinion?!
That's fine you feel that way, but I don't think that just because I don't agree with her choice, makes me jealous. But that's your opinion, & I'm ok with that.
Mikaela is going to have a little brother!
Maybe some forgot to read her OP....
You're all missing the big picture here. That woman does not need to justify having a nanny. It is none of the OP's business. She can do whatever she wants with her money and her child.
We had a nanny with DD when I worked. I worked from home and was breastfeeding so it just made sense to have someone there as opposed to taking her somewhere else.
When DD was 18 months we switched to a daycare to save some money.
I have known her since we started playgoup 6 months ago- we meet every week. She has no known medical conditions & the mutual friend that we have has NEVER mentioned anything about her having health problems.
Mikaela is going to have a little brother!
This is a good point.
I don't know... I would hire a PI just to be sure.
You asked our opinions and Kate gave you hers. Not sure why you snapped. You started a mommy way post and i have limited patience with these.
And really how dare you say anyone should not have had children. Because she doesn't change a diaper? You see this woman for one hour a week and now you want to sterilize her?
I didn't ask her to justify it- I asked you guys what your opinion is & if you have a nanny, why. Read my op.
And I told you my opinion. Read my replies. It's none of your business.
My goodness, my response got you really upset.
Fine my opinion. I think she can hire whatever help she wants and deems necessary and it is silly and petty to judge her. I think it is horrible to claim that people shouldn't have children just because they use a nanny.
Sorry I snapped, I felt like everyone could give their opinion, but snapped at me when I gave mine. Just because we don't all agree, doesn't make my opinion any less. & Honestly, it does irritate me when I see her every week and she doesn't change diapers or feed her own child, but if it works for her, then so be it.
I have a nanny 3 mornings a week. Some days I take one child or the other out to do something and get some one-on-one Mommy time. Some times I run errands. Some times I need my own time and I find a comfy chair at Barnes & Noble and read and browse the internet.
I have a friend who has two kids about the same age as mine and she has a full time nanny (she's a SAHM). She does the same things as me when her nanny is around. Her husband works long hours in NYC - he leaves at 6 am and comes home at 9-10pm (when he's not travelling). I totally get her having a full time nanny - she's basically a single mom all week long.
I don't understand why people get all jacked up about this issue. People have all sorts of different arrangements that work for their family. As long as the kids are happy, loved and well cared for, does it matter if the nanny is tagging along all day?
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Sorry, I snapped a little. I am fine with your opinion, but I am not saying that woman shouldn't have children who have a nanny- I am saying that if you are more than capable of taking care of your own child, and you don't because you just don't want to- then those woman shouldn't have children. ( I shouldn't throw that specific woman into that category, because you are right, I don't know her whole story, just what I see once a week)
ok.
It does matter because people LOVE to judge on parenting styles.
OP- what is it that irritates you each week about seeing the nanny change diapers? What is it about the SAHM that has a FT nanny that bothers you? When you posed this question were you really looking for ppl to disagree with how you feel, or were you expecting everyone to pile on your friend of a friend from playgroup for not being as good of a mom as all your other playgroup cohorts?
Said best above, as long as the child is happy, loved, and well cared for then what does it matter to you?
Also, Yankee brings up a great point in that they are doing a service by creating a job!
I would also add that for us, having a nanny is really great because it allows me to get errands done, stuff around the house (I do have a housekeeper once a week, but there are still other things to do daily), etc so that the evenings and weekends are truly time for DH and I to spend together and as a family. I'm not doing housework at night. We're not running errands all weekend. Also, when my nanny isn't here...I'm doing things directly with my kids. They aren't playing in another room while I scrub a bathroom or iron. IMO, the nanny helps us have more quality family time.
It's a luxury, without a doubt. I'm really grateful to have the situation I do. I'm not looking to win some award for most over-worked, tired SAHM.