Introduction and a few Questions
Hello Ladies,
I have been lurking on this board for a little while and I wanted to introduce myself, share my story and ask a question. I have been blessed with two beautiful healthy boys. After having my second child I made the decision to get my tubes tied. I had two difficult pregnancies, we found out that we could possibly pass on a genetic disorder called galactosemia and I got pregnant on two different methods of birth control. (I say these things with the utmost respect to those of you struggling with infertility.) I do however want another child and I would like to have a daughter.
I have always wanted to adopt a baby, I believe I informed my mother of this at age 6. To me it seems like one the most amazing and giving things anyone could do. After many long discussions, my husband is now on board and would like to adopt, as long as we are finacially capable of paying the fees and still taking care of our boys.
My oldest son is 2.5 and my youngest is 10 months old. We would like to officially begin the adoption process in about a year - year and half. I would like to educate myself as much as possible in that time so when we are ready to move forward with this, we can jump right in.
I have ordered a few books and have found this board incredibly helpful, even just as a lurker. The FAQ's are such a big help!
My biggest decision now is what type of adoption. It is between domestic adoption and international adoption for us. I am leaning more towards international adoption because I have heard so many horror stories about parents taking their children back that they have given up for adoption in the US. I'm wondering if these stories are being exaggerated or if there is truth to this? I have no idea what country I would like to adopt from. I'm overwhelmed by the lists. For those of you ladies doing or that have done international adoption, what countries did you look at and why? Thank you for reading this and I appreciate any feedback you can give me. Good luck to all of you on this journey!!!
Re: Introduction and a few Questions
Welcome....
Just a brief comment--- keep in mind that not all countries (or domestic agencies) allow you to specify gender. So as you move forward, if having a girl is important to you, you'll want to lead with that question to make sure you only pursue options that allow gender specification.
Hi and welcome. A few comments:
No matter who you go with, you will want to ask if you can specify gender. Our agency did not allow us to specify gender, so if having a girl is really important to you, that's something to ask right away.
There are cases where adoption plans are made for domestic adoption and they fall through. Generally speaking this tends to happen after an expectant mom is matched with an adoptive family but before the birth, or right after the birth. Once parental rights are terminated, there is little to no chance of children returning to their birthfamilies. As with many things in life, this is the risk you need to be aware of in the world of adoption.
I am not very familiar with international adoption, but there are some international adoptive parents here who can help you with that. It's my understanding that the number of countries to adopt from is pretty small.
GL and continue to ask questions. This board is a great resource.
Welcome to the board.
When looking at IA, keep in mind that every country has a different set of requirements that AP's must meet. No one under/over a certain age, only one divorce, etc... that really helped us narrow down which countries were even a possibility for us.
Good luck.
Hi, and welcome!
My husband and I adopted our son last July from Peru. We are currently beginning the process again, to bring home another child. We chose Peru because we love the idea of adopting from South America. At that point, we hadn't yet been to Peru, but we had been to Argentina and Chile, and fell in love. Neither of those countries really have international adoption programs to speak of, so we started investigating other South American countries that do.
What we found was that Peru is a very poor nation in which many families simply cannot support their children. There are many older children for adoption there, many of whom have lived with their families for some time, because their parents cannot take care of them any longer. It's heartbreaking; often the children are relinquished after one parent dies and the surviving parent can no longer manage to support the entire family alone. There are also many "street children" in Peru who do their best to work and scavenge to get by on their own.
Further research showed us that Peru has, in recent years, been very serious about ensuring the welfare of these children. They are a Hague country, and their process is long and rigorous, but it's because they want to make sure that:
1) the children are definitely free for adoption; and
2) the families that adopt them are capable of providing homes in which they will flourish.
The orphanages in Peru are, by all accounts, very child-developmentally centered (We vacationed in Peru in November 2008, and actually got the chance to visit one ourselves. What we saw supported all the claims, and we were very comforted to know that our child(ren) would be living in a safe, clean, warm environment until we could bring him/her/them home.). They provide age-and ability-appropriate education for the children, and do the best to help them overcome delays and unacceptable behaviors.
My best advice to anyone beginning the process of adopting internationally is to first pick from which country. The US Department of State's website lists the requirements to adopt from each country (https://adoption.state.gov/). Once you've made your country choice, you?ll need to find a good agency specializing in adoptions from that country. I highly recommend researching any agency you are considering to make sure it abides by ethical standards. The yahoo group "Adoption Agency Research" is a phenomenal resource for vetting agencies. The group is dedicated to giving honest feedback on agencies. You can ask about the agencies you are interested in directly, and also search their archives and files.
Good luck!