If you are or have been a manager of people (boss/supervisor/director/manager) come on in!

nykola · March 2011

Quick and easy question....

How chummy are you with the members on your team? Are you friends outside of work or even inside of work? If so, how do you strike the balance between friendship and authority?

jcyahne · March 2011

While I like to get to know my employees and what is important to them, I have generally kept a bit of a distance with them outside of work. I'm always afraid of getting in a situation of appearing to favor somebody over another because I'm seen as their friend.

iHeartHimMore · March 2011

It's so hard. At the bar we actually hired several friends because we knew (from working with them previously) that they were good at the job. So yeah, we hung out outside of work all the time.

IMO, the biggest factor is respect. The thing that worked best for us was to lead by example. (This may not translate well across industries, but since DH and I performed many of the same tasks as our employees, it worked for us.) We found that our staff was more likely to do their jobs well, have good attitudes, and need less direction when they knew we were in the trenches right alongside them.

Don't know if that's at all helpful.

(Oh, and btw, I'm using past tense because neither of us is working many shifts there these days. We didn't sell the bar. Stick out tongue )

chibipoe · March 2011

I made a point when I started at my last job not to become too close with my coworkers because I knew I would be their boss eventually. That meant I didn't eat lunch with them, see them outside of work, or let them in on too much of my personal life. There were some employees who I gradually became closer to but these were my department leads and I worked a little closer with them and I still set clear boundaries on our relationship. I think the important thing is setting limits - going out to coffee is OK but going to their child's 5th birthday party not so much.

MissLauraQ · March 2011

It is so much easier to manage your department when there is no friendship.

Saying that, I've had many employees over the years. And it does get messy if you blurr the friend line (this mostly happened, when I was promoted over friends)

But I'm very outgoing and unfortunately my co-workers (or staff) are my only form of social outlet, so I get a bit too chatty.

This never becomes a problem until you do their review - because bad news to someone blurred is rough

That is another important reason for monthly meetings - to work on hard topics as a "team" before you ever get to review time

Alli923 · March 2011

I think that this really varies by company and industry. My office is small (however I work for a very large corporation), but we're all extremely close here. We make it a point to socialize inside and outside of work actually. We go to baby showers, barbecues, birthdays, happy hours, concerts, weddings, etc together/for each other.

We've all learned that work is work and fun is fun. I don't take it personal if my boss doesn't like something I've done and I expect that my employees do the same if I give them any sort of constructive criticism or correction regarding work.

That said, similar to what IHHM said, everyone here works their a$$ off, and if you don't follow that example you won't last long. And, the respect factor is huge here. We work hard to earn it!

I think that being close with my co-workers (boss and employees) has allowed me to work harder and more readily share my goals with them. It has also made it easier for them to help me achieve those goals.

Socializing is also a BIG part of what I do and my industry. With clients and with vendors/reps. There is actually a lot of business done during those social times.

McJen715 · March 2011

I have 5 employees, and am not "friends" with them outside of work. While I appreciate them as people, and like them all very much, I just have a working relationship with them. We have had people in our company fired for being too close with their direct reports (due to what appeared to be special treatment), and I don't want to set myself up for that.

Inside work I wouldn't say we are friends either, but we do have a friendly relationship I guess. What has worked for me is to set my boundaries and expectations upfront, and hold them accountable for them even if it means being the "bad guy" or being a jerk. I know my staff takes what I say seriously because I stick to my guns and follow through with any repercussions I told them to expect for negative behavior.

LauraLynneC · March 2011

at my DH's shop, it's almost impossible not to - there are, at max, 4 employees total. So they all go to lunch together, etc. That's not to say there haven't been times that employees have TOTALLY taken advantage of that and I've had to step in and be the "bad guy" (I'm the book keeper and peace keeper at times!) I'm more of a hard a$$ than DH is, he's more likely to let an employee get away with (little) stuff because of the friendship. I see the bottom line more clearly and am less close with employees. it's a tough road sometimes though.

Brynnie2010 · March 2011

I agree with IHHM and Alli, that the important thing is respect, and that it can vary from industry to industry.

I worked in restaurants and started at the bottom before becoming a supervisor. I think working in restaurants is different than most other industries. We bond, we build friendships and some of us get promoted, while most of us don't. But we've most likely already made those bonds and friendships. Once I was promoted to a higher position before a friend of mine who worked there quite a bit longer than I had, and while she was a little upset, she never let it affect our friendship. Again like the other two ladies said, ours is a job where everybody has to kind of bust their a$$ for things to go smoothly, including supervisors.

McJen715 · March 2011

iHeartHimMore:
IMO, the biggest factor is respect. The thing that worked best for us was to lead by example.

I 100% agree here. My big thing is how can I expect my employees to perform at a certain level if I myself am not putting in the same efforts.

MOHjen · March 2011

I totally agree that it depends on industry and company. We are a very social company. We work hard and play hard. I lead by example. I work my ass off and then we go enjoy happy hour together. We reward employees after a tough project with a party or a bar outing. I think you can do this in a way where the lines are not blurred. When I give employees criticism its done in a constructive and respectful way so there's never that "but we are friends" feeling. Work is work and fun is fun.

But I can totally see that not all industries and companies are this way.

Zista · March 2011

Well, besides the employee I dated several years back...

I'd say we were friendly, but there was always the supervisor/superior relationship. Most of my reports are quite a bit younger than I am. They would quite often ask me for advice on personal matters, professional matters, vent, etc.... I'd say it was more like a mentor/mentee relationship. We'd also socialize at work sponsored happy hours and events, but not really beyond that.

I've given tough reviews before, and the relationships have stayed strong (maybe one exception), so I don't know if that is really an issue... as PP said, it's all about respect. You can give a tough review respectfully, and keep the relationship.

Once they have moved on from our firm (we have high turnover by design), I've stayed in touch with most of them through Facebook. Our relationship has changed to be more at the same level... we stay in touch because we genuinely like each other.

ttgcole · March 2011

When I was a supervisor, my boss would constantly remind me that I should not hang out with any of my reports outside of work, so I didn't.

I am no longer a supervisor (thank god), but my current lead plays favorites with my coworker. I am about to call her out on it. I think it's a very fine line, and it does have to do with what your industry is.

nykola · March 2011

This is good stuff! Thanks guys.

ON a similar note, has anyone moved from being a peer/friend of someone, to actually being their manager, and how did you manage that transition?

Kathzoo · March 2011

As far as moving from peer to manager, I did that. Mostly I was clear about my expectations from the start. It was easier in a way because I knew everyone and could give them a certain amount of freedom, but harder when we didn't see eye to eye. I did well when I talked about any discomfort that arose and kept communication open with regular one on one and team meetings. If I knew something, but couldn't share, I told them so. And ditto on the leading by example and taking front line shifts to stay involved. I also regularly asked for feedback in addition to giving feedback.

As far as personal relationships/friendships, I have done it both ways. For me it worked better to do social work-related things with my employees but not friend them on facebook. If I had a party at my house, I invited everyone. I kept up with their personal lives enough to know if things were affecting their work. We often ate lunch together as it was a good time to talk about nonwork stuff without using too much work time. I was older than half my staff and much younger than the other half, so that made things super weird. Good luck figuring out something that works for you.

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