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here we freakin go again (refusal to visit)
I'll spare all the details because I've got a raging visit but the last time I posted about SS (10) refusing to visit, I got a lot of responses about it is not his choice. So what does DH actually do tomorrow when he picks him up from after-school? Drag him onto the bus? (FWIW this past weekend's visitation was extremely awesome and fun, go figure.)
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Re: here we freakin go again (refusal to visit)
I love your judge.
And this is why you don't let the kid have a choice: https://www.chicagotribune.com/features/tribu/askamy/ct-live-0228-amy-20110228,0,5253137.column
From someone who was a tween and didn't have her dad around a lot, my relationship with him is still a little shakey. Not that my mom said bad things about him, but that he thought since we were living the 'good life', that we didn't need him in our life. Not true.
I wish now that I would have spent more time with him. It's going to be odd for the 10 yr old, but their life will not have regrets like mine does. It's not like I was the one choosing to not be around my dad. He made those choices and I don't think my mom pushed it or she did, but she gave up eventually.
Get your DH to get things going... I'm not a young chicken and I still regret not being with my dad more.
GL!
At 10 years old, I kinda gotta wonder if your SS wants your DH to make him come for a visit. Speaking from my experience as the child in this type of situation, he may be refusing to visit because he wants your DH to fight for him to come, ya know what I mean?
I'm not familiar with your history, but has DH talked to SS about why he doesn't want to visit?
We have the same problem. My SS 13 claims he is doing bad in school because his dad doesn't pick him up enough and so DH tried to pick him up and he says he cant because BM and him have plans already for the weekend. It's really frustrating. DH won't make him and it drives me nuts.
I'm not going to go into the details of previous refusals to visit because it's too painful and I can't cry about this at work today.
But last night, as in the past, DH was extremely patient, supportive and firm with SS. He said over and over again "please tell me what you are worried about so that I can help but you cannot decide not to visit. This is a decision your parents made and it is something you have to do." During the hour long multiple conversations, SS would scream "You never listen to me. You always get your way. Mom says I don't have to visit and I won't.". Now since this is not new (happens about once a year), DH constantly talks to SS about how important it is to DH that SS feel comfortable speaking to him about anything in the world and, unless it is one of these crisis times, SS always says he is perfectly comfortable with DH. BM was absolutle hysterical last night in front of SS saying things like " you steam roll over everyone and always have to get your way." so I think SS has seized on this as a (temporary) mantra. But it does make enforcing visitation harder.
Before I get the advice to go back to court to enforce the order, we are in court already. I'm pretty sure this is the source of this particular issue.
Your DH needs to stop engaging him so much, there is no reason to sit on the phone for an hour with SS not telling him what is going on and DH begging for an answer. Your DH needs to say something along the lines of that he is here for SS if he wants to talk but that he will see him tomorrow, when SS freaks out tell him that they can discuss the issues in person.
And as for DH being scared this will damage their relationship, I cannot promise that it will not but I CAN promise it will damage their relationship if he does not enforce seeing his son.