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I don't want to take him anywhere
J is a challenging baby -- whether it's colic, reflux or six week fussiness, he's a shrieker and flailer. He just gets really angry and inconsolable and the only way we can calm him is doing the 5 S method with the exhaust fan in the bathroom on. He seems to peak twice a day, once in the late morning and then between 6 and 9. Anyway, I am terrified to take him out in public because of the screaming, and it's really starting to wear on me. His morning irritable peak isn't predictable enough to time outings.
He hasn't been in the car longer than the trip to the pedi (which is about 4 blocks) since the power outages when we drove up to Gaithersburg to stay with my parents.
We have friends who have a baby about 6 weeks older than J and they want to get together, and I have been putting it off, and my coworkers want me to bring him by the office and I have stalled on that, too (although my pedi said to wait until he's 2 months old since he's a preemie, so I have a good reason).
I get out on my own to Target or the grocery store pretty regularly since DH is home a lot and is always willing to take over, but I had really wanted to be able to take him out while I was on leave. I still have about two months left, and would really like to be able to enjoy the spring with the baby.
This drove me to tears this morning after a challenging night (he slept the first 4 hours - yay! - but then wanted to eat or hang out for the rest of the night). We do go for walks every day in the neighborhood because it conks him out pretty quickly and if he fusses we're usually only a short walk from home.
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Re: I don't want to take him anywhere
can you try it once to see how it goes? you might be surprised how well he does with new surroundings. you witnessed firsthand one of hannah's less-cranky days, and i'll admit that for the first i can't even remember how many weeks we were hermits because really - who wants to deal with that kind of outburst in public?
but we took her to my office once where she was a perfect angel and SLEPT (which she wasn't doing much of during the day at the time!), and we've gone out a few other times during normally cranky times and she was great. the car calmed her down and then she just kept on sleeping. this of course meant people didn't believe how terrible we said she had been...
anyway, if you want to try it (maybe meet up at starbucks or something) with someone who has been there and won't judge you and your screaming baby, you know i'm around!
I think the only way to get over the hump is just to do it. Start small with a well-timed trip to Target. You can always ditch your cart and make a quick getaway if necessary.
And you might be pleasantly surprised - during the fussy weeks, C was always way better when we were out and about or visiting. He's always liked new sights and sounds and is pretty social.
As PPs said, "just do it." What's the worst that'll happen? He'll fuss, and you have to leave, and maybe it screws up his schedule for a few hours (which I know can be a giant headache...not downplaying it). My DD was an extremely fussy baby, but sometimes outings were just what she needed: the change of scenery, interaction with unfamiliar people, new sounds and smells, etc. She'd get too distracted to be upset.
Of course, there were plenty of times (like, half of them, probably) I had to either abort my trip or power through it with a screaming infant (like with a half-full cart full of groceries I couldn't abandon because we did have to eat). But I didn't have the choice of leaving her behind (DH was gone for weeks at a time, and certain tasks couldn't be put off that long)...so I just went for it and crossed my fingers. If you start out with unnecessary trips - like to a store/library/etc. that's only a few minute's drive away - and have to head home because he can't handle it...no harm done, and you won't have to let him cry for half an hour as you try to get home. And you'll learn what he prefers (outdoors, loud malls, or whatever) and what his "time limit" is with how much he can handle. Good luck!
I also had a cranky baby who screamed a lot and I found getting out was key to getting through it. Try to find moms groups meetups on meetup.com. I went to a hosptial group and it meant the world to me to get out of the house and be in an understanding enviornment.
Good luck!! And I promise you it will get easier!
DS was also a shrieker. We went on multiple walks a day, but it was also spring. By the time I just said "Who cares, I need to get out of the house" and started taking him places despite the screaming, he had almost grown out of it. This time around, I just didn't care what other people thought, esp. if I had done everything I could to calm DD down. DS and I needed to get out of the house.
He might surprise you too. Try it and see.
Target, Target, Target. Seriously, you can move the cart around the store and you don't HAVE to buy anything (easier said than done) and like pp said you can totally just ditch the cart and leave if things get hairy! Maybe it's even better NOT to have to buy anything!
I had DS during the H1N1 hysteria of 2009. My pedi said no going out for 2 months- and I took her seriously. Then I went to the OB at 6 weeks and was like "I am losing my mind!" Some of it was a little bit of PPD/PPA, but when I told her what the pedi said about not going out she was like, "I get it, but it's not realistic. Wear him, put the carseat cover thing up, don't let people near him. You've got to get out there, and out there with him. Life has to go on or you're just going to feel worse and worse." I cannot tell you how much hearing a doc say that to me helped! We did get out, no one touched him, and we made it through. There was screaming the first trip, and I sweated a little...but it did just get easier from there!
I didn't know anyone else with little ones then - really wish I hadn't been just lurking here and had reached out! But just getting us both OUT helped a lot!
Does he like car rides to begin with? I sometimes ended up taking T for a drive to stop her screaming, so coming off a ride she would have been in a good mood and still pliable. Or can you plop his carseat into the stroller and just walk around Target so you don't have to worry about strapping him into something or getting him out quickly if he gets upset? You're sounding like when I start throwing up a lot of roadblocks about why something won't work because it's intimidating or scary
But you can do it!! You're a strong woman with a lot of people to encourage you. And if you go out an it's a failure, come back here and tell us and maybe we can find a way to improve your strategy for the next time.
I double ditto "just do it." Besides quick breaks like Target or a bookstore or something, also consider noisy places where his fussy won't be disruptive anyway (assuming your baby doesn't mind loud noises).
Sprout always has been fascinated by new places. New sounds! New lights! New smells! Also consider mixing up your walk routine ... maybe go to Brookside? Different for you, different for him!
I am sooooo happy to announce that after 7 weeks of nightmare, my LO has finally calmed down.
So, if it happened with me, it can happen with you!
You gotta wear him out throughout the day, as everyone is saying. Good luck!
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