WWYD?

kjuryfl · February 2011

So.. my MIL basically forced me to choose my nursery theme before I even knew what I was having.. She is throwing me a baby shower on Good Friday and insisted on giving her themes for both sexes.. and now that she knows it is a girl she has already told everyone what I chose.. here's the issue.. I put down what I was thinking at the time and now I have completely changed my mind.. as I assumed I would (I told her this many times..).. So I have been getting phone calls from her family members saying how they bought XYZ for the nursery.. which is all in the old theme.. I'm not sure what to do! I cannot even mix the two.. originally it was spring/bunnies and now it is classic pooh.. how should I handle this??

kjuryfl · February 2011

I mean seriously.. I am only 17 weeks along.. I didn't even have a day to think about it once we knew we were having a girl.. I was getting phone calls that night!

TanyaKM · February 2011

Return all the stuff you don't want and get whatever you need yourself for your new theme! That's what I would do.

kjuryfl · February 2011

I wish it were that easy.. That would be a first class ticket to being in the dog house for a long time..

Auki13 · February 2011

People are already buying stuff for the shower??? All I can say is Wow. That is a really crappy situation, but if you want a new set I don't think there is anything wrong with saying you changed your mind. Its not like its a week before the shower and you are deciding on a whole new theme. IMO I would make sure you're100% set on a theme and then explain you changed your mind. Most people should be ok with exchanging things if they bought this early on. Sorry you have to deal with this.

kjuryfl · February 2011

My husband's side of the family is kind of pushy..

They aren't buying the actual bedding set, as I purposely did not put one on the spreadsheet I had to fill out.. yup a spreadsheet..

AmberZ2be · February 2011

kjuryfl:
I wish it were that easy.. That would be a first class ticket to being in the dog house for a long time..

For returning items you no longer want? I'm sorry, but you need to stop worrying about what your family will think and do what you want. If your MIL puts you "in the dog house" for that, then I would stand up to her now before things continue down the same path.

Add the new items you want to your registery. If people ask why, simply tell them the truth. You changed your mind.

beewltched · February 2011

Are you setting up a registry? Just put what you want on the registry. If she throws you a Bunny/spring shower, I'm not getting why the themes have to match and everyone would be buying stuff for your nursery in the theme of your shower.

For my son the theme was snowmen because it was December, he doesnt have a snowman nursery and nobody bought anything snowman to match.

There is lots of other things they can buy that have nothing to do with the nursery right?

kjuryfl · February 2011

I assumed that the shower theme would be different from the nursery theme.. but I have already been proven wrong.. ugh.. a family member called to tell me she already bought a bunny quilt for the crib.. she is pushing 90 so the idea of telling her to return it is out of the question.

sunnydaisy · February 2011

kjuryfl:
I assumed that the shower theme would be different from the nursery theme.. but I have already been proven wrong.. ugh.. a family member called to tell me she already bought a bunny quilt for the crib.. she is pushing 90 so the idea of telling her to return it is out of the question.

This needs to stop before it goes any further. Just tell them you changed your mind and that you made your initial decision under duress (MIL forcing you into it would qualify as duress). If you can't ask a 90yo to return something, then a bunny quilt is not that big a deal. Who says everything has to match perfectly? You can use it for tummy time or something, hang it on the back of your glider/rocker or PNP if you have one. But tell everyone else you changed your mind. You could send out a mass email if necessary, like:

"We know you're all as excited about our new baby as we are. We want to let you know we changed our minds on our nursery theme that you may have been told about. The original one just wasn't really "us", so we've chosen classic Pooh instead. We apologize if this inconveniences anyone, but we're looking forward to celebrating our precious little one with you."

You get the jist. As pp said, they should be understanding. Other than telling them, I don't know what else to suggest. If you don't, and you feel you can't exchange/return stuff, then you're gonna have to live with a bunny nursery. BTW, your MIL sounds like a lot to deal with. If she's that pushy about a shower (is the spreadsheet her own "registry"?), I can only imagine how she'll be once LO gets here. GL!

TanyaKM · March 2011

AmberZ2be:
kjuryfl:
I wish it were that easy.. That would be a first class ticket to being in the dog house for a long time..
For returning items you no longer want? I'm sorry, but you need to stop worrying about what your family will think and do what you want. If your MIL puts you "in the dog house" for that, then I would stand up to her now before things continue down the same path.
Add the new items you want to your registery. If people ask why, simply tell them the truth. You changed your mind.

Exactly. This is your baby and your nursery. I hate to be brutally honest, but it sounds like you need to grow a pair! If you don't stand up for yourself now, your MIL is going to be walking all over you and "putting you in the dog house" forever.

laurenbncha# · March 2011

TanyaKM:
AmberZ2be:

kjuryfl:
I wish it were that easy.. That would be a first class ticket to being in the dog house for a long time..

For returning items you no longer want? I'm sorry, but you need to stop worrying about what your family will think and do what you want. If your MIL puts you "in the dog house" for that, then I would stand up to her now before things continue down the same path.

Add the new items you want to your registery. If people ask why, simply tell them the truth. You changed your mind.

Exactly. This is your baby and your nursery. I hate to be brutally honest, but it sounds like you need to grow a pair! If you don't stand up for yourself now, your MIL is going to be walking all over you and "putting you in the dog house" forever.

Yes

I decided long ago that if I'm not going to use something that I'm going to return it and get something that I will. Otherwise I'm not only not honoring the person who gave it to me, but also wasting their money.

They WILL understand. You changed your mind!

vstevens · March 2011

TanyaKM:

Exactly. This is your baby and your nursery. I hate to be brutally honest, but it sounds like you need to grow a pair! If you don't stand up for yourself now, your MIL is going to be walking all over you and "putting you in the dog house" forever.

Yes

You can also very kindly explain that you were asked picked the theme very early in the process. Don't name names or anything - those who know your MIL will probably understand right away what happened.

vstevens · March 2011

*asked to pick the theme

Embarrassed

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