Post adoption depression...
Hey all! I haven't been around much while I have been adjusting to having a newborn but thought I would pop in and see how everyone is!! Congrats to any matches or placements that there has been lately that I've missed!!
I also had a question. Have you all heard of post adoption depression? It's similar to PPD as it happens after the baby is here with adoptive parents. I read about it before Noah came home and our SW also talked about it at our first post placement visit. Well, I think I have it or at least some anxiety/depression going on. I have depression in my history and was on depression meds for about a year in high school. I think the combo of going back to work on Tuesday, the stress of the TPR coming up at the end of March, our BM/BF relationship and generally just having a newborn is getting to me. I don't have a problem with the newborn care and love staying home with him. I don't want him to go to daycare but financially we can't handle me not working right now. I think that is what is really getting to me now and I feel really anxious/upset about it. I like the daycare we have chosen but frankly no daycare is good enough for our son. I'm sure everyone feels this way! lol
Does anyone else have experience with this or felt this way?? I hope I'm not the only one!! :-)
Re: Post adoption depression...
After going through 4 years of IF treatments and then 1 failed match and then adopting Ben with such short notice, I was frazzled. We got the call about Ben and drove 12 hours to take him home from the hospital. We had to stay in a hotel room for almost 2 weeks before we got to come home. My MIL went with us (thank goodness), but I missed my family and friends terribly.
I was exhausted when we got back. We had to go the day after we got back and register for things and buy things for Ben because we didn't have anything (my choice). The third night home we went to eat with my parents and I was still so tired. After we ate, I just went into the next room and started crying. I felt like I didn't know what I was doing and I just felt sad. I also felt guilty because we had wanted a baby for so long and now we had Ben and I should just be beyond happy. My mom came in and told me not to worry about it and she came over and stayed with us that night and let us sleep. She came back for two more nights after that. I think between the exhaustion, the trip, the craziness that was going on, I just needed to take care of myself for a couple of days. After that, I didn't have one more feeling of despair or depression.
Don't feel bad about how you are feeling. There is a lot you have to deal with right now. Just make sure to take some time for yourself and if it doesn't get better then ask for help. I know you are loving being a mommy!
I've got a December baby too. I just wanted to tell you that it's tough work being a mama. I know we all want it so badly but we still have the same struggles that other moms do. It's okay to get frustrated and tired and all of the other emotions that go along with mommyhood.
But if you think it's something more than just being tired and frustrated with a crying baby, do seek medical help. If you are struggling with depression, you may want to see about meds or therapy.
If you feel like chatting about December babies, send me a PM and I'll give you my email addy. I know there are days I feel like I need someone to check in with to make sure I am on the right road and doing things right.
hugs to you
I haven't been there, but since I now wonder if I had some baby blues / mild PPD after my bio daughter, I am on the lookout for after we adopt. I'm sure you've seen these links - but just in case you haven't,
https://postpartumprogress.typepad.com/weblog/2009/11/post-adoption-depression-adoptive-mothers-need-not-suffer-in-silence.html
https://www.adoptionarticlesdirectory.com/Article/Post-Adoption-Depression---The-Unacknowledged-Hazzard/53
these are two places that I appreciated reading to prepare for the possibility. On the first link, there are several articles if you dig around. Take care of yourself, mama!
I had PADS and it was brutal. At one point, I even asked H if we could take her back to the agency. I thought we were done - never before had we even said the word divorce, but afterwards I was positive we were headed that way.
So one day, my best friend called my insurance company, verified coverage and made an appointment with a shrink. She even took a day off work to watch Edith so I could go get some drugs. After 6 months on Prozac, I weaned off and have been fine and dandy ever since!!
I had it horribly with #2, and for a good year and a half afterwards. He has a really anxious Mommy attachment, and it was smothering me.
He came home at the beginning of a brutal winter, so I was homebound. Sick constantly (even though I never left the house). Slept in a chair with DS, who wouldn't go to anyone else. If I was home, he was glued to me. If I put him down, he cried.
And the whole while I felt horribly, horribly guilty for resenting this child I wanted more than anything.
If you even think you need help, get it.
thanks guys! I feel so much better from reading your responses and knowing I'm not alone.
I went to my Dr. this morning and she prescribed me Zoloft and wants me to see someone for therapy too. I am feeling anxious about work tomorrow but I know he will be fine at daycare and have to trust that we did our research and picked the best place for him.
I feel good that I went and didn't wait. Sometimes I think the hardest part is just getting over the guilt and admitting ya need some help.
Butting in
I have no advice because we are still 2-3 weeks away from our birth mother's due date but I too have suffered from anxiety and depression in the past and I have this concern I recently started pumping to induce lactation and have been getting really anxious lately, not sure if it's hormones or my cycle or what but it's terrible. I was thinking I should revisit my old doc and have some meds on hand or even just start them now to prevent it.
Can I ask what dosage of zoloft you all took (or the dose and name of your drug)?