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Floridamom
I read your previous posts about the coins. I'm
pretty sure this is called a Token Economy, and the way you are using
it with your son is well-documented with children. I've read about this
but not seen it used--and I honestly think it's really great that you
do it with success (I know this tantrum might not have felt like it
worked but overall it seems to work great in your family). It sounds like your son is flourishing under this type of system and structure of positive reinforcement.
I'm just curious about where you got the idea for this and how you actually created your system--if you don't mind sharing?
Thanks!
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Re: Floridamom
Hey there!
I am so sorry I haven't seen this post until now! I lost my cell phone (I know, great) and have been running around all weekend until now! I am happy to share this with you!!!!!!
well, it all actually started when the AP at the school I work at handed me a huge bag full of colorful toy coins and asked if I could use them. I said sure, it seemed like something I could drop into my treasure box and let the kids enjoy. But, then the more I thought about it, the more I thought that I could utilize them with DS as well. So, I took a small stack of them home and put the rest in my treasure chest at school.
DH and I went back and forth on how to use them, but it all boiled down to several behaviors that DS had been exhibiting that were quite frankly driving.me.nuts. So, DH suggested we pinpoint some behaviors we wanted to stop and start there. These were the behaviors we wanted to pinpoint:
1. Driving to school everyday. We have an hour drive, and DS would kick, scream, throw toys, hit his little friend we carpool with, cry, whine etc. It was WEARING me out. I would get to school and would feel like I had already put in a full day!! This also happened on the way home. So, we decided that for each trip he was good (no crying, throwing, hitting etc) he would earn a coin. He also can earn one for the return trip.
2. Eating his dinner. He is generally a good eater, but I found us struggling with getting him to eat dinner. Instead he would whine, throw his plate across the table, barely sit still. One thing I did notice is that I let him snack before dinner, so this was partly my fault. He would whine so much about having a snack I'd just give in. So, now he has a snack on the way home from school (like some pretzel sticks) and that is IT til dinner. I ignore the whining, and now that the weather is nice we go outside a lot when we get home which distracts him. So if he sits and eats his dinner without fuss he earns a coin (and his dessert)
3. Bedtime. Lately, he has been fussing and getting out of bed a gazillion times. So, if he goes to bed and stays in bed, then he will earn a coin.
These behaviors have improved and it has only been a few weeks. If he earns the 4 coins he can in 1 day, he gets a fifth as an extra reward. When he earns 10 coins, he gets to take a trip to the dollar store by our house and pick out ANYTHING he wants. Other rewards we have done (he has only had 3 so far) is going to get icecream as a family, and going to rent a special movie he has wanted to see from the redbox. He has yet to earn the coins within 2 days like he really can...but usually he does within 4 days.
He has a little coin holder that he keeps them in and loves counting them.
The other thing I have really started being conscious of is the feedback I give him. I give him TONS of positive compliments when he is doing good. This way I am not ignoring it, but rather praising him as best I can. Overly praising him actually! Then when he does little things in the car that I would usually say something to him about, I ignore it. Of course, he does NOT get his coin if he continues the big things (whining, throwing things, hitting etc). But, I have to chose wisely what I want to discipline, because I feel the more I praise the good behavior, it will drown out the bad. He has actually gotten to a point where he will point it out to me how good he is being.
Also, if he loses coins he cant get them back. we try to show him basic adding and subtracting skills with the coins, but he lovvvves counting them. lol.
I just found that at this age (he just turned 4) a sticker chart was not going to get the same results when he was 2 or 3. This is also a kid who had a reallyhard time potty training, and NOTHING would help. I literally had a bin FULL Of cool toys for him to choose from when he pooped on the potty sitting RIGHT on the back of the toilet. It did NOT phase him. He was going to do it with or without the help. So, I knew I had to be wise about the reward system.
You can email me if you have more questions!! my email is knigro1011@gmail.com!
HTH!
I think this is amazing that you came up with this all on your own. Honestly your ability to provide consistent structure AND be aware of the types of feedback and when to give feedback are awesome! I seriously tip my hat off to you. It's age appropriate and it feeds into his particular skill set.
Thank you so much for sharing in depth your plan for your son. He sounds like a great little boy, and you sound like an amazing mom!
Aw, thank you!!! I really appreciate that! Dh and I just felt that targeting the behaviors that we felt needed to be improved was the best route to go. So far, he has done well with it. We are still working on bedtime...that is a real work in progress. He has done better in the car, especially in the morning, but that also is a work in progress. As of this morning he had 8 coins and he earned one for a good trip this morning. So, i reminded him that if he has a good trip on the way home he would earn his tenth coin and we would take a trip to the store! Hopefully he gets it. There has been some rough patches along the way, but I am just trying to be consistent. Let me know if I can help with anything else, it will be interesting to see if it all pans out well once we get a foster placement!!