Stressing over family names... can anyone relate?

This is my first post on the board... nice to "meet" you all :-)

I've gone back and forth throughout our pregnancy about naming our baby after family or not (we didn't find out the sex and haven't shared name ideas with anyone).  I LOVE the idea of naming our baby after family members, but I have a couple issues:

1) I have major issues with my husband's family and just can't feel good about naming my child after them.  My husband and I had settled on a boys name that is after each of our fathers (because I don't have quite so many issues with my father in law) but I can't see myself ever feeling good about naming a girl after my mother-in-law.  And she tends to make things about herself, so I can foresee her making an issue if we have a boy named after her husband and then never name a girl after her.

2) I'm having a hard time choosing between people's first and middle names.  My husband would only agree to use my dad's middle name with his dad's first name, which I'm worried my dad will be hurt by.

3) I have this hang-up about being consistent with names, that if we name our first baby after family I want to name ALL our children after family.  I'm worried about jealousy/insecurity issues, especially since we're planning to have a few more kids and also adopt in coming years.  

I know I'm probably being over-sensitive about all these things, and I've tried to tell myself to let it go, but 6 months later it's still here :-(  Also I guess the simple answer is to just avoid family names altogether, but my husband is getting pretty annoyed with the debate about names and I'm sad that I'm hurting his feelings by going back on the boys name we had agreed on for a couple months.

Thanks for reading, and I'd love to know if you've experienced anything similar or have any advice!!!