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1st Trimester
2nd time moms: what kind of help did you get last time and what do you want this time?
With DS my mom came and stayed with me for 3 weeks, she basically did the cooking, laundry etc and we took care of the baby. My MIL stayed with us when DS was 3 months old for 2 weeks when I went back to work so we could delay sending DS to day care, DS actually didn't have to go to day care until he was 3.5 months.
This time around my mom will probably come and stay with us the 1st 2-4 weeks. My MIL has offered to take DS (they live 4 hours away) for a week or two while we are with the new baby. I don't really want this as i want DH to be a part of getting used to the new baby, plus he'll be over 4 and can help out. I would prefer she came and stay in town (DH has other siblings in town that she can stay with) and help out during the day. MIL is not a really good cook so really the help she would provide is laundry and tend to DH (drop him off at school, pick him up and bathe him). I don't think my MIL and I are going to see eye to eye on the help that we would like.
What kind of help are you asking for or getting with the older child and the new baby? Would you send DS away?
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Re: 2nd time moms: what kind of help did you get last time and what do you want this time?
LOL, I am going to assume that you meant DS and not DH as you wrote, because if your DH needs mom's help in bathing....hehehehe...typos can be funny!
When I had DD the "help" I got was a house full of out of town relatives for the first week. They helped by holding the baby while I cooked for them, it was awesome. One thing I did like was a few ladies from church brought a couple meals by so I wouldn't have to cook all the time, so that was very nice of them.
Next time we will not have family staying in our house. At all. DD will stay with us as well... honestly I couldn't imagine sensing her away.
We never had any help. DH & I came home with DD on our own, DH went back to work 2 days later. I did the cooking, cleaning and caregiving.
It'll be the same this time too.
I would never send DD away...I'd hate for her to feel resentment. On top of that, she's a part of this family too, I don't understand why she'd have to go away.
IMO, I don't understand the mass amounts of time people have their moms stay for. But again, that's just me.
I can't stand my IL's and would never allow them to "help" (which they don't do anyway) they live across the country (thank GOD) and when they come..whenever that is..there will be a 5 day maximum stay. My sanity can't take much more. I would never send DS away.. But that's just me. I won't even allow my IL's to babysit at all so it would be out of the question.
Married since 06/19/2004|Anna born 11/19/2006|Charles born 11/1/11
Double undergrad graduation May 2011| Me: Psychology, DH: Communication| A long journey!
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My two angels
my mom came over for the first 3 days that i was home so that i could heal from my c sect and try to get a nap because DD came early and DH had to work until his scheduled pat. time off. my mom will probably come over to help again during the day--she has already offered.
but i would never have DD1 go away with anyone--she needs to be here to bond with us and the baby and realize that she isn't being replaced, being away from her while i am in the hospital will be hard enough.
My H was home for the first two days after the hospital, then my mom came over during the days for the first two days that he went to work. Then...I was on my own!
My sweet sister set up a group of people that each brought us dinner for the first two weeks, which was an INCREDIBLE help.
I am not really planning on any help this time other than when DH is home. And no, I have no intention of having DS anywhere but with me and his new little bro/sis.
Go Phils!!
I plan to ask my mom to stay with us for 2-4 weeks (My dad will also probably stay).
DH & I aren't comfortable with my MIL watching DD, so we will probably have a friend watch her until my parents can arrive.
With DD we tried to go it alone, but I couldn't drive for two weeks (big episiotomy), & after two days at home my mom came to help.
If I were in your shoes I don't think I'd send my child away. I think it might be hard on him to be sent off - maybe like he is being replaced. I also agree that he is old enough to have a special role in bonding with his new sibling.
Actually, I did have a c/s. Emergency after 36 hours of labor. Still didn't need the help.
My parents are 5 minutes away and in-laws are 10 minutes away, so they dropped in often but no one stayed over at our house. I wouldn't have wanted anyone sleeping over - DH and I had a good system going during the nighttime stuff and we were able to support each other. I think another person there would have added stress.
This time, I think we'll use the grandparents for sleepovers occasionally, since he's used to their houses and comfortable sleeping over. We do at least a sleepover a month to keep him comfortable with it, and he'll have to stay with one of the sets of parents while I'm in the hospital delivering this baby. I plan on taking everyone up on their offers to help cook, clean, and take my DS out of the house for a few hours so he can run off some energy and I can have one-on-one time with the new baby. For the most part, he'll sleep at home, but I'm certainly not opposed to some sleepovers and don't view it as 'sending him away'.
My parents flew in the day after DS was born and stayed for 2.5 weeks...and it was FABULOUS. My mom is awesome -- she cooked, cleaned, did laundry, etc. It gave DH and I the chance to really bond with DS, because we were 100% focused on him. I'm really hoping they do the same this time, mostly to help out with DS.
I had a really, really difficult post partum recovery....and honestly don't know what I would've done without my mom's help!
And no, I would never send DS away. This is an important bonding time for our entire family, and DS is a part of that. I would never even consider it. Having my parents there to help out with his daily routine is one thing, but sending him to stay with someone else for any period of time is out of the question.
I think we must have the same inlaws, but mine are two hours away. Yuck. My parents live in town and my mom would come over for a few hours during the day. We had cooked some casseroles and frozen them, so DH and I had plenty of food. MIL and FIL invited themselves to stay with us the first night. MIL sent me to my room and told me that she would take care of DD that night. DH and I had a fight over it. He kept saying that "she just wants to help". I was so hormonal and crazy that I felt like she was trying to take my baby from me. I will never forgive her for that night. I took DD with me after the second feeding. She snatched her from me after the first. DD was screaming and she wouldn't give her to me. It was awful. I couldn't sleep at all.
The inlaws left the next day, but came back later that week and weekend. It was hell on earth. He would watch TV and eat our food. She would offer to hold DD while I cooked and cleaned. She would follow me into my room to nurse and squeeze DD saying "eat, eat" while I nursed. I hated those days. And I'll never get them back. This time- no overnight guests whatsoever. Inlaws will not be called until baby is in my arms. I can't go through another postpartum period like that. I felt so angry and upset over this for so long that I intensely disliked my inlaws. Now, I am just neutral about them. If they do this again, there will be no coming back from there.