Leaving a 13 month old with grandma or SIL?

LouiseB2001 · February 2011

We are going to a wedding in June and DD will be exactly 13 months. DH is the best man and I want to make sure we enjoy it so I have two options for where to leave DD, neither of them optimal but alright. I breastfeed but presume (correct me if I am wrong) that at one year DD will mainly be getting fed in the morning and at night. Here is the main problem: The wedding is a 2 hour flight away from my mom where DD and I will go for a week beforehand but the wedding is in the same city as DH's sister.

Option 1: Leaving DD for 48 hours with my mom, fly over and back. The upside is that my mom knows DD well, have taken care of her before and will have a good network (my dad, brothers, another friend with a baby etc). We will also just have spent a whole week with them so they can bond again.

Option 2: Take DD with me and let SIL take care of her for the day. SIL has seen DD once. She has two teenage boys herself so she is not unfamiliar with babies, but it is a long time ago. She volunteered herself and she is super sweet, I don't have any serious concern other than DD being confused and missing me.

Another concern is breastfeeding. If I have to be away for 48 hours I will probably have to pump a lot, but at 13 months, how much do babies drink? (I have no problem with my mom giving her formula for those days). My final concern is pure selfishness: I know I will enjoy the party a lot more if I can just party on and crash without waking up to a crying baby at night (option 1). If option 2, there would also be a lot of annoying transportation late at night because we probably wouldn't be able to stay with SIL at night. But can I be away for 2 days from my baby?

Kersbear · February 2011

Personally, for me, I prefer to have my babies (yes, my 5 year old is still my "baby") close. So normally I would have said with SIL since she would be close to the wedding, but with her only seeing DC once I would go with who I think DC would be most comfortable with. Even though it would (for me) be hard, I would have more fun knowing that DC is with someone he/she knows and has a bond with over a "stranger". So I would keep her with your mom.

jsugrin · February 2011

I don't have much input on the BFing because I think every child is so different. Plus it depends on if you plan on introducing WCM at a year or just staying with nursing only.

As far as childcare, I would leave her with your mom. In your shoes the fact that DD will have that acclimation period with make is so much easier for her to say "ok see ya in a couple days mama" and you know she's in great hands. I don't think I could leave my kid with someone they had only met once before. I'd be so worried they'd flip out and I'd be dragging my LO around the wedding or worse miss most of it and be up in the room with the kids while DH had a blast/

rianals · February 2011

Every child is different, but my 19 month old still nurses at least six times a day.

lisa5201 · February 2011

We are at ten months, and DD nurses at least 5-6 times a day. She might slow down, but at a year I def project her nursing more than once in the am and once in the pm. Just as an FYI....

I guess it would depend if you have ever left her or given her a bottle. My DD has never been with anyone but me or DH for more than 2 hours, and doesn't take a bottle. Leaving her with someone abruptly for 48 hours would be pretty out of the question. I think she would be confused, and I wouldn't want the burden to be on someone else if she was distraught. If you have left her before, she falls asleep well on her own,and takes a bottle, then your golden, I would leave her with your mom. If she doesn't do those things, I would start working on it now, or leave her with your SIL so at least you can sweep in if things aren't going well.

bh2720 · February 2011

girl! go enjoy a couple days alone with your H! your DD will be fine with your mom. You can absolutely be away from your child for 2 days...you'll have an awesome time. couples need to get away every now and then. do this!

LouiseB2001 · February 2011

Thanks for all the good advice, I was frantically searching the internet yesterday about how much a 13 month old (non-weaned) baby drinks of BM and how often but most only talk about extended BF as an oddity (except Kellymom). But it seems as if I want she will just nurse just as much/often as now. I leave DD with someone during the weekdays and they give her bottles just fine so that is not my issue. But I think Fred you are right that I need to wait and see how well she is doing at night, she still wakes up 3-4 times and I feed her twice. I am dreading having to pump for 2 days though and the thought about being so far away from her.

BelhurstBride · February 2011

If you don't think you're going to happy with being away from her for 2 days than, IMO, it's not worth it.

We have an OOT wedding to go to when DD will be 15 MO. DH wants to drive which will make it a 2 night trip. I'm willing to leave DD if we can fly and make it one night. I can give one night a shot. I'm not ready to try two.

Dreamsicle23 · February 2011

At over a year old I wouldn't let BFing make my decision for me. I would just pump as much as you can. She absolutely can and will survive - and so will you, and you'll probably enjoy the time off!

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