So is this a bad idea?
MrsHughesNC
member
So you might recall our issue with Holly getting out of bed and wrecking her room every night (and also during naps). A couple of nights this week, she actually stayed in her bed (after me rocking her until she was very drowsy, which I hate to get back in the habit of). Otherwise, she's been out of her bed within minutes of us leaving her room, and playing around/making a mess for up to 2 hours. We've pretty much removed everything from her room--toys, books, and finally, her dresser drawers. We're trying our best to ignore her. She's fallen asleep several nights this week on the floor and slept there all night. Last night, she eventually got back in her bed until 7am. Maybe that's progress?
Naptime today was more of the same. There's nothing (so we thought) in her room, but she still proceded to play in her room for over 2 hours. Not the end of the world for naps, but at night--I just don't want her staying up until 9:30 doing this crap when she's got to get up for school the next day.
So aside from ignoring it and hoping it passes, is there anything else I can do?
She VERY much understands that we don't want her to do this. She'll say "Holly got out of her bed. Mommy & Daddy sad. Santa sad." (Yes, I went there. Not proud of it. LOL), and "Holly need to use listening ears," or "Holly not being a big girl. Holly a baby." (I told her that big girls stay in their beds).
I bought her a Little People Circus set at a consignment sale that I know she will flip out over. Would it be awful to show it to her, then tell her she cannot have it until she starts staying in her bed, and otherwise listening to Mommy & Daddy. And if she gets it, tell her we will take it back (and follow through) if she gets out of her bed again? Is that awful to do?
Ugh. I hate to use bribery, but I'm running out of ideas. I'm really trying not to be a spaz about it--in the grand scheme of things, she's not hurting anything, just not getting enough rest, and blatantly disobeying us. We will try to ignore it as much as we can, but man, I still want to pull my hair out.
Thoughts?
Re: So is this a bad idea?
Photo/Family Blog
I have no issue with bribery. I see it as good incentive and it might just work. I don't really see it any differently than "sticker charts" for good behavior to build up for a reward.
Hope it gets better soon!
I like the sticker chart idea. Positive reinforcement usually works better for Liam than negative. I know for him at 2, he wouldn't have been able to grasp the concept if I showed him a new toy then took it away and said he had to sleep in his bed for X number of days to get it. He just didn't (and maybe still doesn't) have that concept of long term reward, you know? But you know Holly, if you think that would work for her, go for it!
And GL! I hope she gets over this phase soon - it sounds horrible!
Yeah, we've been doing a sticker chart since we started PTing in early Jan. She still loves it, but I don't think they'd be valuable enough for this, especially since she'll still be getting them for going potty.
I showed her the circus. She was super excited about it and understood me when I said she had to stay in her bed tonight to play with it tomorrow. I just passed her off to DH for bedtime duty. She seems so riled up at night now. I don't know why. We've pushed her bedtime back recently because of it, but I haven't noticed a big change. I don't know what made things change so drastically between sitting quietly and singing/rocking and happily getting in her bed with her bear, and this craziness. PTing, maybe?
Ugh. I'm not feeling optimistic.
It sounds like it may just be a phase you have to wait out. Easier said than done, I'm sure! In fact, please remind me I said this when I'm going through the same thing (b/c I'm sure I will be, and probably in the near future).
On a happier note, you will look back on these posts one day and laugh, b/c all the things she is saying are hilarious
. Maddie tries to tell me at least once a day that she is a baby, not a big girl, and that is why she needs a paci, lol. Luckily she usually says this while laughing hysterically, so it's not really something I take seriously.
I honestly think she'll outgrow it. Hopefully sooner rather than later... I know it's hard. Liv came out of her room like 10 times a night - literally with her list of excuses. It lasted about 4 months or so but me and DH were just commenting the other day that she's been good about going to bed again lately. Hopefully we didn't curse ourselves!
Some day you are going to look back and wish these were the kinds of issues you were dealing with rather than what the future brings. I"m already dreading when they start talking back, teenage years, ugh. I'm going to need a prescription for Xanex to get through those!
Thanks y'all... We're just going to have to try and relax and let the phase pass, I think. I think I'm getting myself so worked up trying to talk some sense into her, and so frustrated with her in general, and it's not doing any good. I think we'll try to just not even mention it for a couple of days. Hopefully the novelty will wear off.
And yes, the things she says are ridiculous, and often times hilarious. I hope I can fully appreciate and laugh at them soon!
I'd suggest reframing your goal. Your goal is not for her to be asleep (I mean, yes, I know that's the ultimate goal but go with me), your goal is for her to be quiet in her room. You can't make her sleep (just like you can't make her eat or pee/poop).
There are plenty of nights Scott is so wound up that he's not going to go to sleep until 10pm or so (tonight was one of those nights). But he played in his room and then eventually went to sleep.
I gave up on trying to make him sleep--I can't control that. We just worked on him staying in his room and being quiet. We actually took everything out of his drawers (clothes, linens, etc.) b/c he enjoyed destroying the room. Once we put a few toys and books in his room, he's been a happy camper for the most part. We let him have toys in the bed so he has something to entertain himself with but it's all quiet stuff. Like small cars he can push around on his bedrails, books, stuffed animals. He'll often say he's not tired and I tell him it's OK if he doesn't go to sleep right away--he can read stories to his "friends" (stuffed animals), push his cars, etc. And if I think about it, I need time to wind down in bed too. I don't go to sleep right away--I will read or something to help me wind down. So as long as he's quiet and in his room I consider it a success.
I hope Holly gives you some stress free nights soon!!
I agree. It could take awhile for her to get the hang of staying in her bed -- days, weeks or even months. The transition to a toddler/twin bed is not always smooth sailinig. It's going to depend on your child's temperament etc. I'd try not to sweat it and just ignore her when possible and use the sticker chart, etc. As I've mentioned before, it took one month for Natalie to not get out of bed at bedtime and 2 months at nap time.
And I've heard of children doing this at all different ages so I don't necessarily think waiting for the child to be 3 yr. old, etc. means you'd be less likely to have to deal with this transitional phase.
Good luck!
Hughes, you know I am STILL dealing with the same thing as you and my DD has been in a toddler bed since January 2010. It is horrible. But we were not diligent about going in her room and putting her (making her get back) into her bed until the past few months (but even though, it isn't getting any better). I thought about doing a sticker chart, but decided not too. I have tried bribery (if you don't get out, we can see a movie, go to the park, go to CFA, you can have Dora snacks, etc). She very rarely gets any of these treats. I have also tried taking things away (watching TV) and that doesn't seem to work either. I think even if I took every single thing out of her room, she would still walk around her empty room talking and singing. Like the other poster said, I don't care if she falls asleep, I just want her to stay in her bed (bc even in her crib, it would take her up to an hour or more to fall asleep at night, she would talk and sing herself to sleep every night).
Encouraged yet? I think you are doing everything right, you are trying to nip it in the bud pretty soon after it started, I wish we had. I think we are going to get her a double bed and maybe that will help because she really is outgrowing her toddler bed. I may take her to look at double beds and sheet and comforter sets and maybe use that as bribery.
If you find anything that works, please let me know. I get sick and tired of going in her room 10+ times a night (not every night, but I would say 4 out of 7 nights a week I do).