Is your DH different this time around?

VeilSdeGTO · February 2011

When I got pg the first time, DH was nice. He would pick up food I want if it was convenient, but scoffed when I said I wasn't feeling well or nauseous. He would just tell me I'm fine and to basically suck it up. He also didn't go to any appointments (until I called him crying after we discovered something was wrong with her), and didn't really ask about the baby.

This time, though, he's been fantastic! He tells me to lay down and sleep if I'm not feeling well, has done more around the house, will go out buy me 6 different types of fruit if I tell him I feel like fruit, and asks about our "peanut" daily. He was also very sad that he couldn't make it to our first u/s because he had meetings all day.

I think after a few losses, he realizes that it could happen (whereas he didn't think it could the first time) so he's being super attentive.

Is your DH different this time around?

Nikki1219 · February 2011

DH is scared to get excited. He saw the break down I had when we lost our first baby. He says he wants to wait for my betas to come back to get a little excited and he'll be more excited when we've cleared first tri. He is happy when I have symptoms and he's very attentive. Just a worrywart like me.

kateisgreat · February 2011

DH didn't even want to talk about me being pg at first because he didn't want to get his hopes up. Once I started getting m/s though, he started helping around the house, and now he calls on his way home from work to ask if he needs to pick up any food. There is no way in hell he would have picked up anything on his way home before or done housework on a weeknight. My m/s was waaaay worse with this pregnancy, so maybe that's why I'm getting more sympathy. He goes to all the appointments that I ask him to go to also, but he did miss my follow up u/s that I had to have after my anatomy scan. My dr. office pretty much screwed up, and I wound up having 1 hour notice that I was having the follow up scan, or I would have had to wait another month... I don't blame him for missing it.

LifeInANutshell · February 2011

Nikki1219:
DH is scared to get excited. He saw the break down I had when we lost our first baby. He says he wants to wait for my betas to come back to get a little excited and he'll be more excited when we've cleared first tri. He is happy when I have symptoms and he's very attentive. Just a worrywart like me.

This is what mine is doing in a nutshell. He's being very aloof about the whole thing ... don't get him wrong, he had voiced his excitement, but he's definitely playing this one closer to the heart.

jenniann87 · February 2011

Yes he is different. With our first he was excited but kind of just took it for granted almost. He went to every appt with me and after we found out that there was something wrong with the baby he was really devastated and blamed himself, eventhough it wasnt either of our fault and I told him that over and over. When we lost the baby he took it really hard and kept it all in.

This time around he is extremely excited and has been doing most of the house work and will tell me to just relax or sleep if he knows I havent been feeling well or didnt get a lot of sleep. He has been really great.

itsmegin · February 2011

The first time, DH was not that excited when I got my BFP. He was out of town, and his response was like, "Great, here we go." As it went on he got excited and talked to my tummy.

As we started to TTCAL, he got more into, got excited about trying and really obsessed with when I was testing. He was thrilled with the BFP this time. He has been the same as far as talking to the baby, but like your DH, he's more into taking care of me, worries about me getting enough food, and is totally cool with me not exercising much, whereas before I think he thought I was getting lazy.

He's also always like, "Baby needs calcium." or "Baby needs that extra meat, you have my leftovers." or "Drink this, baby needs water!" or whatever, he's always looking out for me and the baby. It's cute!

rock-elle · February 2011

Yes, he's super cautious about what I do or how much I carry or shovelling and tells me its ok to go lay down when I want to, etc..!

He's really been very sweet Big Smile

Ryan&Kristin062009 · February 2011

Honestly my DH has always been supportive and great. I would kill him if he ever told me that I'm making a bigger deal out of nothing, or i'm not "that sick" or "that tired" haha I've read a lot about DH's who are that way though and maybe its because they were still adjusting to their pregnant wives It is a big adjustment and things definitely change. In 1st tri I was sooo exhausted DH had to pick up the slack on everything so I am sure a lot of guys would be pissy about stuff like that and maybe say things they don't mean.....

I have been the one who's been a basket case this time around, and I don't know if DH has been more worried this time, or if he just hasn't told me his fears because he knew *I* was nervous 24/7 and needed to be positive for me. These days I think we're both feeling much more positive and excited and I am praying things continue to go well.

jr63_2020 · February 2011

LifeInANutshell:
Nikki1219:
DH is scared to get excited. He saw the break down I had when we lost our first baby. He says he wants to wait for my betas to come back to get a little excited and he'll be more excited when we've cleared first tri. He is happy when I have symptoms and he's very attentive. Just a worrywart like me.
This is what mine is doing in a nutshell. He's being very aloof about the whole thing ... don't get him wrong, he had voiced his excitement, but he's definitely playing this one closer to the heart.

I'm happy to know there are people on the same page as us. In a way, we're both sort of ignoring that anything is happening. I can tell he's nervous but doesn't want to show me he is, so he said nothing. Yesterday he was excited with my betas but then followed up with "so what's the next step?" I hate that any of us are so jaded we can't just feel happy. I wonder sometimes if happiness will ever outweigh the nervousness.

mommy411 · February 2011

Yes he is way different. Now that this is pregnancy #3 and high risk he is super paraniod. He wants me out of work in March, which wont happen.

butterflynola · February 2011

Mine is different too. The 1st time he was super excited but expected me to do everything the same as I did before like go on 2 and 3 mile walks daily and in the hottest day in July I remember him parking way far from the tigers game and we walked in and I thought I was going to pass out inside because it was so hot and made him leave in the 2nd inning he was not happy about it and not understanding. He also never went on any doctors appointments until I called him at work because I was in the hospital.

This time he has been much more conscientious, not keeping me out at all hours, made me cancel my gym membership, willingly goes grocery shopping and brings back lots of healthy organic food, before I couldn't let him go to the store he would come home with all junk food lol. He is also going to our first u/s. However he isn't As excited. He's excited and I am too but I think that we are still just so taken back from what happened that we're more gaurded with our emotions and not telling everyone and not talking about it all the time.

sisterrael · February 2011

Oh Yeah! DH is working on cleaning out the extra stuff from the baby's room; he wont let me go near the cat box or sushi, he wouldn't even let me pick up the bottled water I bought at the grocery. He's been really attentive but he's also been extremely worried and tense as well.

spincat9 · February 2011

The only difference I have noticed is that last time I think DH was "one of those" naive nothing-will-happen-to-us kind of people. I think I was always cautious and worried from day one, and he I think he felt like it was a little irrational to worry that much. This time he has expressed that he feels more "grateful" because he realizes of course now what can go wrong - and he has been just as cautious as I have this time around.

But both times he has been absolutely outstanding in all ways baby-related so I feel very fortunate for that.

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