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"Disciplining" a 10m.o. ?

StrawberryAlarmClockStrawberryAlarmClock member
in Attachment Parenting
Dez is starting to grab/want things he may not have. We try saying things like "Hot!" or "Ouch!" but sometimes you just have to say "No" because nothing else is relevant. Although, we have started "That's not a toy" and handing him something safe and saying, "this is a toy" but he doesn't easily give in. So, here's my question: Let's say he's reaching for something he may not have like scissors. If I keep saying "That's not a toy" and "Ouch! That can hurt you." and handing him a safe toy but he persists, should I move the scissors away out of sight OR is it more important that he sees that there are things he may not have and just comfort him while he cries and still wants the scissors? I'm not sure if my question is coming out clearly. Does this make sense?
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Re: "Disciplining" a 10m.o. ?

  • anabell0920anabell0920 member
    I would just put it out of sight. I just don't think at this age he will realize it's not something he can play with right now.
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  • Jelliebean1982Jelliebean1982
    Put it in a babyproof drawer. This is a no brainer to me. At your LO's age he has no idea why he can't touch it or have it. He is also incapable of reasoning. Put it out of sight and save both of you the frustration. Everything should be accessible to him at this age so he can explore his surroundings without harming himself or breaking your valuable stuff.
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  • nekoraynenekorayne member

    imageJelliebean1982:
    Put it in a babyproof drawer. This is a no brainer to me. At your LO's age he has no idea why he can't touch it or have it. He is also incapable of reasoning. Put it out of sight and save both of you the frustration. Everything should be accessible to him at this age so he can explore his surroundings without harming himself or breaking your valuable stuff.

     

    THIS! Babyproof and get that stuff out of reach. My DS has just reached this stage as well. IMO it is very important that we give our kids a home that is free (for the most part) to explore. We avoid "no" and instead try to redirect. I would rather save "no" for dangerous stuff that is unavoidable.


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  • BelhurstBrideBelhurstBride member
    Redirect and relocate the stuff he shouldn't have. He is way too young to get why you're letting him cry and not play with it.
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  • StrawberryAlarmClockStrawberryAlarmClock member
    Okey doke. Sounds like a plan. I wasn't sure at what age he needed to start learning to listen when he's told he can't have something. Sounds like he's nowhere near that age yet. Out of sight out of mind it is! (Oh, we don't have scissors laying around BTW) Smile
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  • anna7602anna7602 member
    At that age, I tried to keep anything that DD absolutely couldn't have out of sight. In some cases, I know this isn't possible, like if you are using a knife to cut your own dinner and your child is sitting at the same table with you, but in general, I have to say that I still keep things like hammers and screwdrivers and nails up on high shelves in a closet, even at DD's age. She knows very well that she can't touch things that can't be hidden, like our fireplace, but I don't know what point I would be proving by leaving a hammer in plain sight every day.
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  • EmmieBEmmieB member

    ok - at that age we had issues with Baz pulling up and standing in the bath. NOT OK. (even with the skid mat - it's just not ok.)

    So I started saying - firmly but nicely - "no, no, on your heiney." And then I would help him sit and then he would try to stand again and I'd repeat myself...you get the point. Now, if I start out with "no,no..." he stops whatever he's doing mid-reach (or whatever) and we redirect there.

    babies need clear direction and simple instructions. 

    Prepare your environment, but keep "no" in your arsenal.

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  • EmmieBEmmieB member

    imageStrawberryAlarmClock:
    Okey doke. Sounds like a plan. I wasn't sure at what age he needed to start learning to listen when he's told he can't have something. Sounds like he's nowhere near that age yet. Out of sight out of mind it is! (Oh, we don't have scissors laying around BTW) Smile

    BTW - don't underestimate your child. He's totally at that age where he can start understanding. Trust me.

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  • StrawberryAlarmClockStrawberryAlarmClock member
    imageEmmieB:

    ok - at that age we had issues with Baz pulling up and standing in the bath. NOT OK. (even with the skid mat - it's just not ok.)

    So I started saying - firmly but nicely - "no, no, on your heiney." And then I would help him sit and then he would try to stand again and I'd repeat myself...you get the point. Now, if I start out with "no,no..." he stops whatever he's doing mid-reach (or whatever) and we redirect there.

    babies need clear direction and simple instructions. 

    Prepare your environment, but keep "no" in your arsenal.

    This is the type of situation I was referring to. So, you keep redirecting instead of, say, taking him out of the tub and thus removing the temptation for him? This is what I was wondering if I should do. Should he be learning that he'd better listen to mommy or should temptation mysteriously disappear.
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  • SteelCityBrideSteelCityBride member
    imageEmmieB:

    ok - at that age we had issues with Baz pulling up and standing in the bath. NOT OK. (even with the skid mat - it's just not ok.)

    So I started saying - firmly but nicely - "no, no, on your heiney." And then I would help him sit and then he would try to stand again and I'd repeat myself...you get the point. Now, if I start out with "no,no..." he stops whatever he's doing mid-reach (or whatever) and we redirect there.

    babies need clear direction and simple instructions. 

    Prepare your environment, but keep "no" in your arsenal.

    This.  We have the same issues in the bath tub & it's not like you can remove him from the bath every time he tries to pull up.  Also, E always tries to grab his big brothers glasses & I have to tell him "no no, gentle touches please" and then I model a gentle touch on his arm or hand. I do the same thing when he pulls our hair.  Is he old enough to understand?  Maybe not quite yet, but I feel like it's important to start now.  

    Also any time he's touching something he shouldn't that we were unable to remove from the environment we say "not for little hands" in a firm but soft voice.  At first I thought it was a lost cause... but you know what? It's been a few weeks now & when we say it he stops what he's doing & looks back at us like "what? I was just trying to touch it!"  And then he usually goes for it again & we just repeat ourselves.  After 2 or 3 tries he gives up & moves on to something else.  He's learning. 

    I don't think it's horrible to say "no", I just think it's best to make the home as accessible to him as possible & then reserve "no" for situations where he could hurt himself or others.

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  • StrawberryAlarmClockStrawberryAlarmClock member
    imageSteelCityBride:
    imageEmmieB:

    ok - at that age we had issues with Baz pulling up and standing in the bath. NOT OK. (even with the skid mat - it's just not ok.)

    So I started saying - firmly but nicely - "no, no, on your heiney." And then I would help him sit and then he would try to stand again and I'd repeat myself...you get the point. Now, if I start out with "no,no..." he stops whatever he's doing mid-reach (or whatever) and we redirect there.

    babies need clear direction and simple instructions. 

    Prepare your environment, but keep "no" in your arsenal.

    This.  We have the same issues in the bath tub & it's not like you can remove him from the bath every time he tries to pull up.  Also, E always tries to grab his big brothers glasses & I have to tell him "no no, gentle touches please" and then I model a gentle touch on his arm or hand. I do the same thing when he pulls our hair.  Is he old enough to understand?  Maybe not quite yet, but I feel like it's important to start now.  

    Also any time he's touching something he shouldn't that we were unable to remove from the environment we say "not for little hands" in a firm but soft voice.  At first I thought it was a lost cause... but you know what? It's been a few weeks now & when we say it he stops what he's doing & looks back at us like "what? I was just trying to touch it!"  And then he usually goes for it again & we just repeat ourselves.  After 2 or 3 tries he gives up & moves on to something else.  He's learning. 

    I don't think it's horrible to say "no", I just think it's best to make the home as accessible to him as possible & then reserve "no" for situations where he could hurt himself or others.

    I love "not for little hands"! :) Yeah you can never babyproof 100%. I'm not going to stop using knives or wearing glasses. He needs to learn that there will be things in his environment that he cannot touch. I just wasn't sure WHEN he could learn that. Our kiddos are the same age. I'm going to tell Dez that if SCB's LO can listen he can too! ;)
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  • hikerbethhikerbeth member
    Put it away.  Out of sight.  Out of mind.
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  • EmmieBEmmieB member
    imageStrawberryAlarmClock:
    imageEmmieB:

    ok - at that age we had issues with Baz pulling up and standing in the bath. NOT OK. (even with the skid mat - it's just not ok.)

    So I started saying - firmly but nicely - "no, no, on your heiney." And then I would help him sit and then he would try to stand again and I'd repeat myself...you get the point. Now, if I start out with "no,no..." he stops whatever he's doing mid-reach (or whatever) and we redirect there.

    babies need clear direction and simple instructions. 

    Prepare your environment, but keep "no" in your arsenal.

    This is the type of situation I was referring to. So, you keep redirecting instead of, say, taking him out of the tub and thus removing the temptation for him? This is what I was wondering if I should do. Should he be learning that he'd better listen to mommy or should temptation mysteriously disappear.

     

    I think it's never too early to know that you better listen to mommy. You're not saying/doing things just to be mean or punish - at this point it is all about safety. 

    Here are some other instances where my sing-songy (what Husband called it last night) "no-no" has worked (all since he was about 9 months old and these things are all now non-issues)

    "no-no, sweetie, paper does not go in our mouths" (this is often coupled with "turn pages gently" and I can now give him paperback books to read in his car seat and the worst that happens is he tosses them when he's finished with them)

    "no-no, honeypie, we do not eat crayons. yucky!"

    "no-no, Sebastian Henry! We DO NOT put our hands in our poop!" (there was a little more force with that one and I ALWAYS used both names because it made him stop and stare at me. And also: eeeewwwwwww. He got a full bath after that one.)

    "No-no, Buddy, sit on your heiny." In the bath, in high chairs, in the strollers. He also knows that when he pulls the plug on the tub his bath is over.

    and

    "no-no, we do not pull the cat's fur. We pet gently." And they are currently napping together.

    things like scissors and knives and things that he could hurt himself with before learning how to properly use (motor skill development takes a few years) are out of his reach completely.

     

    Ultimately, you know your child best. You know what he's capable of. Don't underestimate him. Try not to put too much pressure on him, either. But let him surprise you with how capable he is.

    Good luck! 

     

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