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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
Am I a terrible Mother?
I never imagined myself to be a breast feeding mother, but my DH felt really strongly about me (and anyone else really) breast feeding so I tried it. My son is now 2 weeks old. The first couple of days in the hospital we had to supplement his feedings due to the fact that my milk wasn't coming in. When we came home I pumped and breastfed. The other day I started a huge battle (strictly within myself) about my breastfeeding and if it was actually something that would be feasible for me to do long term. I have to use a nipple shield, I am not comfortable breastfeeding outside of the house, I am returning to work and dont know that I would have the chance to pump, etc. So now I am re-introducing formula, and a breast milk bottle here and there. Am I a terrible mother because I have changed my mind about breast feeding? I feel awful to the point where I am crying about it, but I don't know why...Has anyone else gone through this?
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Re: Am I a terrible Mother?
If I thought you were a bad mom for this, I'd have to think of myself as a bad mom and I don't. You are not a bad mom.
I went through this too. I was actually the one who was totally committed to breastfeeding but it just didn't work and the first day home with my LO was hell. I went through horrible emotional stress and decided to formula feed. I felt horrible at first but my DH had a great talk with me and was totally supportive so I got over it quickly.
Please don't do that to yourself. Giving your LO formula you are still doing what you need to do for the well-being of your son. If you decide you still want to try breastfeeding, please contact a LC as soon as you can. Good luck.
FET to TTC #2: 9/29/14 Beta on 10/8/14 = BFP!
DS #1 Born 1/3/11 after IVF #1
4 failed IUIs, including 1 CP
PCOS
TTC since 2008
This is my belief too. I was MISERABLE while breastfeeding. I dreaded every single feeding and cried because it hurt so badly. We are all so much happier now that we use formula. I did go through a period of feeling very guilty, though, so I understand how you feel, but you are not a bad mother for not doing it. I was formula fed and I turned out just fine.
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Even when there are cracks literally halfway through your nipple and your child is vomiting YOUR blood because your nipples are in such bad shape? Let me just add here that this was still happening 3 months in to breast feeding. I think it is asinine for you to try to guilt someone into doing something they are not comfortable with. It isn't your child so don't worry about it.
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Every Mom and every baby is different. What works for one does not work for the other.
Personally, I LOVE breastfeeding and it has been going wonderfully.
To the original poster - do whatever feels best for you and your baby and leave everyone elses opinion behind. Breast milk or formula - either way your baby will be healthy and wonderful. You need to do what is best for you.
I wish you the best!
I don't think anyone would disagree that breast milk is better for baby than formula. But the rest of your statement is basically ridiculous. How dare you call anyone selfish for their decision to formula feed especially when switching to formula is sometimes one of the most difficult decisions someone has to make?! Having a mom that is not completely emotionally stressed by the physical and mental challenges of breastfeeding is much better for a baby. I applaud and admire those who are able to breastfeed, but I would never make someone feel bad for choosing to formula feed. And it's pretty annoying that you're making it seem like she's saying "oh it kinda hurts and it's just inconvenient for me to breastfeed so I think I'll just give up". Shame on you.
OP-please listen to the rest of us and not to this 1 person.
FET to TTC #2: 9/29/14 Beta on 10/8/14 = BFP!
DS #1 Born 1/3/11 after IVF #1
4 failed IUIs, including 1 CP
PCOS
TTC since 2008
Of course you aren't a terrible mom! Do what you feel is right, and remember that no what matter what, every mom experiences some level of guilt about these types of decisions, because we ALL care.
BFing is a great thing to do if you want to do it, but-you do not have to if you feel like you shouldn't anymore. There is nothing wrong with formula.
As for that PP quoted above- I (gasp!) formula fed from day 1 by choice. OMG. Flame away, but I love my son, and I am not a bad mom. I simply did what was best for my family as a whole. This "you're selfish if you don't BF" crap is absolute garbage, and people who say it are doing a great disservice to other new moms.
For some people, it is not the best option for them. For others, they try very, very hard to and it doesn't work out-and statements like that are especially hurtful to them, too. And there is no reason for anyone to feel bad at all.
I am going to put out the crazy notion out there that perhaps, nobody should feel bad about how they feed their baby, as long as they are being fed. Period. Nobody can know anyone else's personal experience/circumstances well enough to make that kind of judgment.
Don't feel guilty. In the grand scheme of things, BF isnt really that big a deal. It's only a few months of their life, and FF isnt going to make some huge difference. When your kids are in grade school, there's not going to be any way to tell who was BF and who was FF. It's not like they have to wear a scarlett letter on their chest that says they were a FF baby.
Of course breast is best if it's a viable option, but formula is a fine alternate if it's necessary for whatever reason. Happy mama=happy baby.
I am not one to beat up mothers about anything, I know we all struggle with many decisions, but I see almost everyday, women on TB giving up on BFing because it is really hard. Like I said in my previous post, I realize that women have physical limitations and I feel thankful for formula for them, but I believe in our society, the "easy way out" is taken way too often. I had bleeding cracked nipples for the first few weeks, as did a lot of other bumpies we all get through it! There is so much support out there.
I do think my "selfish" remark, was a bit harsh. I am sorry to the OP if I offended her. I was feeling extra annoyed about the subject last night because my SIL is complaining my ear off about BFing, when I literally just went through the same thing a few weeks ago, so I had to tell her to buck up and just do it.
Anyway, sorry to my formula feeding 0-3 board bump "friends" I know that you are all great moms and not selfsish.
You have to make the decision that is best for you and your family--that's what makes you a good mother! Your son has gotten great benefits from the breastmilk he's received. As long as he's healthy and growing, you should do what works best for both of you. I struggled with the decision more than I thought I would, but in the end went with what was best for all of us. DD is FF and doing great.
I knew that I'd have a very limited time to BF because of work (for those who immediately just say pump, not all jobs make this realistic). I will be traveling for work regularly when DD is 10 weeks old. It's not something I'm looking forward to, but I'm the primary provider for our family and I have to do it. Luckily DH will be a SAHD. We knew from the beginning that the most important things would be that DD is healthy and that she is comfortable taking bottles of formula from DH.
I tried to BF in the hospital, but it didn't work due to some physical issues and I was told it might be possible, but it would be a struggle and take a while (and would have to supplement during this time). DH and I then made the decision then to FF. He made the same comment that someone else did-- happy relaxed mom = happy baby. He knows me very well and knew that if I spent weeks struggling with trying to get BF to work I would be miserable and DD would be too. The LC provided a pump and I pumped colostrum and then some breast milk over the next week.
I know that some would be very quick to judge me for this decision (you didn't try enough, pump at work, ship milk home, etc.), but I made the decision that works best for my family and that's what I focus on.
Good luck with whatever you decide!
Terrible moms don't feed their babies.
Terrible moms don't worry about whether or not they are terrible moms.
So no, you are definitely not a terrible mom.
OP, My first 2/3 weeks were hell! I had a C/S so it was hard to hold her for very long, I knew that she was latching wrong but everytime the LC came in of course thats when she would get it right. She ended up needing to go under the lights because of jaundice so I had to pump while she was getting formula. We came home & I had split nipples so bad that everytime she latched I felt like punching something or throwing her off of me. I used the lansinoh & it made it worse, i actually have a deep scar like split in my nipple from how bad it got. I would cry every night telling my husband how I couldn't do this & that it hurt sooo bad. I had to take her off the boob & strickly pump to try & heal. I stopped using the cream & only used my breast milk at the end of each session on my nipples & walked around bra/shirtless as much as possible. On really bad sessions I would get the cool packs for my nipples. Eventually everything healed & I was able to get her back on & latched properly after reading this one book on how it was done. (I'll find the name of it if you would like its somewhere in this house.) :-)
The reason I told you all that is because it was hard & I wanted to stop so many times in the first couple of weeks but we made it through & we have been BFing for 13 almost 14 months. But with that said, BFing its for everyone. If you feel like you can't do it or that you resent your baby because of it, or whatever your reason is know that you are making the right choice for you & your baby. The best thing you can do for your baby is be happy & healthy so do what you think is right! I'm here if you would like to talk more too.
ETA: for spelling
Cat, I
you. You took the words right out of my mouth. This, this, this.
OP - If you want advice and help from bumpies who have been through it all and come out the other side and who aren't going to be judgmental if you still decide to stop BFing then talk to these two. I'm vouching for them as a formula feeder who knows these bumpies. Good luck with whatever you decide.
Ditto. Good luck!