Why is bedsharing such a big f-ing deal!

JBtheDog20 · February 2011

It works for us and I truly feel like it's the best thing for our daughter! And I do not say that doing it any other way is bad whatever way works for YOUR family is fine by me! But why do we have to hear about how terrible we are and how what we're doing is so bad! I go to an ECFE class with my daughter every Tuesday and right now I honestly don't want to go.. When sleeping came up last week I was completely honest and no one spoke a single word to me for the remainder of the class.. Sorry, I've never vented on here.. I read something on 0-3 board that just made it ALL bubble up!

glasgow_girl · February 2011

We don't bedshare full time, but have done when necessary.

I know that certain people in our lives would freak out if they knew that we bedshare occasionally, so I just never mention it to them. For some people, ignorance is bliss.

I would just move on, and don't bring it up again, or if you do, just say, it's what works for us, thanks.

heather_09_15_07 · February 2011

glasgow_girl:

We don't bedshare full time, but have done when necessary.

I know that certain people in our lives would freak out if they knew that we bedshare occasionally, so I just never mention it to them. For some people, ignorance is bliss.

I would just move on, and don't bring it up again, or if you do, just say, it's what works for us, thanks.

Pretty much this.

And before having DD, I'd side-eye people who said they did that. It was just my own ignorance.

erinkate23 · February 2011

I find that bedsharing is something many parents secretly share, AP or not. Pretty much every parent I know has done it, at least occasionally. They won't admit to it in a large group, but one-on-one in a whisper? The truth comes out.

I don't bring it up, but I've actually been surprised how many coworkers and acquaintances are closet bedsharers....sometimes with their 5 year olds!

sensoregurl · February 2011

Ugh. I know what you mean. I've tried to be very open about bedsharing and breastfeeding though. I feel like it helps other people think that these things are normal....I hope it does anyways. I try and blow off the side-eye glances myself, but if everyone ignored me I'd be pissed!

ncbelle · February 2011

Sorry you are getting crap for it :-( I agree that it doesn't work for everyone but what others care if it does work for some families (and did wonderfully for us!) is beyond me. As long as it's done safely, I just can't imagine why anyone possibly could find objections??

LouiseB2001 · February 2011

It is a highly cultural thing, unfortunately affected by illl-advised campaigns in the States. What I always point out is that in Sweden (where I spent the first 3 months of DD's life) they actually *recommend* bedsharing (after 2 weeks) because feeding during the night is so much easier. And their SIDS rate is about 1/3 of the one here. Sorry that you got this reaction. You can always come vent here :-)

Jenjenqq · February 2011

It's too bad they weren't more interested in hearing your experiences with sleeping. I bedshare with my 2 month old and have since the beginning. Whenever the subject is brought up I can usually see the other person get a scared look on their face. I take that as an opportunity to let them know how I make it safe and also all of the benefits for my DD and myself. Vent away!

MrsMoody2006 · February 2011

I currently bedshare with 3 y/o DD and 9 month DS. I didn't think I would with DS because while I was pg with DS bedsharing with DD was horrible and I didn't think I could handle it again. However, when DS started hating sleeping by himself, I moved him right into bed with me and I've never looked back

JBtheDog20 · February 2011

sensoregurl:
Ugh. I know what you mean. I've tried to be very open about bedsharing and breastfeeding though. I feel like it helps other people think that these things are normal....I hope it does anyways. I try and blow off the side-eye glances myself, but if everyone ignored me I'd be pissed!

Yeah, I mean I was listening to these poor moms talk about how they had to get up at all hours of the night/were'nt getting any sleep and they are all breast feeding and how terrible it is.. I thought it was a great opportunity to enlighten them all with the joys of bedsharing but I was just kind of shut down.. Like I said and PP's have said whatever works for your family is great! But honestly I know I'm getting more sleep and my daughter LOVES it. I guess I learned a lesson on ignorance really being bliss! For all involved!

3003girl · February 2011

We got a lot of slack from our families at first, and explained to them the research behind it, and sids rates are much lower in countries that bedshare, etc.

For the rest of the people, we share when we feel comfortable. DH likes to share ALOT because he feels like people need to see/hear an alternative, and I am moving in this direction RE: breastfeeding for sure - NIP and such. He likes to talk to people about ECing, BWing and BLWing alot. I tend to stay out of it!

Lindsay7733 · February 2011

I couldn't agree more! I find myself lying to people about where LO sleeps just to avoid the inevitable debate that would follow. Prior to LO I did not intend on bedsharing, it just seemed to happen at about 1 month when he would only sleep next to me. I respect other parents methods, as long as it works for them and everyone is happy. I just ask for that same respect, but for whatever reason it is so hard to find. My immediate family, the ones who are aware of our sleep routine, are understanding and supportive because they know I am a loving parent who knows what's best for my son. Others (mostly the IL's) feel the need to critique DH and my parenting style, so obviously we just do not share much with them.

Honestly it shouldn't be such a taboo subject. People just need to do a little research and they'll see the numerous benefits associated with bedsharing.

BlondeBeachBride08 · February 2011

I haven't had many negative reactions when we talk about bedsharing. I've actually had more experiences where another mom sighs with relief, says 'me too! I thought I was the only one!'. It's a taboo subject.

I usually say, 'We'll revisit a crib transition when it stops working for us. Right now it works for us'. People usually shut up.

Kierasmommy09 · February 2011

erinkate23:

I find that bedsharing is something many parents secretly share, AP or not. Pretty much every parent I know has done it, at least occasionally. They won't admit to it in a large group, but one-on-one in a whisper? The truth comes out.

I don't bring it up, but I've actually been surprised how many coworkers and acquaintances are closet bedsharers....sometimes with their 5 year olds!

we did for 3 days, until my husband had to stop me from rolling over on to DD, it was a bassinet/crib from there on out. (still dont think i would have done it for more than a couple months anyways...i sex! ( and im a bed hog...)

Want a personalized experience?

Why is bedsharing such a big f-ing deal!

Re: Why is bedsharing such a big f-ing deal!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards