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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
mistywhite400
member
I feel bad-re judgey mom moment
mistywhite400
member
I feel horrible for coming on here & bad mouthing my coworker/friend!
Even though I don't agree with what she did..it's still not my place to judge. I don't want people to think that's the kind of person or friend I am b/c It's not! I should not have said anything!
I'm sorry!
I'd like to DD the whole post, but I don't want to cause a stink over it!
ETA: I edited the post below & deleted what I posted. Sorry!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I feel bad-re judgey mom moment
I don't think it was wrong of you to judge and I'm one of *those* moms who let her baby try wine. Trust me, I judge myself plenty. (I was holding a glass of wine one evening when DS was toddling around and he kept going for my glass. I thought "meh, whatever, he'll get a whiff and that will be the end of that". Nope. So, I thought "ok, i'll let him have a taste - I know he's going to think its nasty." And another big fat 'no' on that one. I did it to satisfy his curiosity and to hopefully show him that he wouldn't like it. Unfortunately I was unpleasantly surprised.)
I will say that whomever posted that letting kids have a sip at 15-16 so they could see what it tasted like and to remove the "taboo" may have another thing coming. By the time I was 15-16 most kids in my HS were already drinking and going to parties. The way I plan to handle it (which is what my parents did with me) is to let DS have a VERY small glass of wine at holiday dinners so he can feel grown-up or whatever (I just remember that I thought it was really special that I was allowed to have a bit with the grown-ups). It was never made a big deal, there were no talks or lectures about drinking responsibly. I learned by example. (FWIW, my family is old-school Italian, so that may have had something to do with how it was handled.) I was close to my mid-20s before I actually got trashed (accidentally) and in college I'd have a beer and it would be warm before I got half-way through it.
Don't worry about it...we don't know her and I would have been judgey too. But, I would have probably said something to her then and there...because I have a huge mouth!! LOL
Meh, I think we all have judgey moments. DH has actually allowed DD to take a sip of his beer, which I wasn't thrilled about, but it's happened. Sometimes, parents do things without really thinking it through 100%. I know I've given my daughter a bite or taste of something, said something to her or done something for/with her, that I've later thought "I wonder why I thought that was a good idea..."
For example, when she was about 2 weeks old, I dipped my finger in the ice cream that I was having with my birthday cake and then let her "taste" the ice cream. I, honestly, didn't think it was that big a deal at the time, but the other day I was watching a home video of my birthday celebration and the moment had been caught on camera. I turned to my husband and said, "What the h*ll was I thinking?" He laughed and said, "Babe, she's just fine. The ice cream didn't hurt her, I think it'll be ok." lol!
I know this is exactly why I feel bed b/c I know I've done things & then later had a WTH was I thinking moment.
LOL, I'm pretty sure this is all part of learning how to be a good parent. Its probably why first children have it the 'hardest' - because the parents are trying to figure it out as they go to see what works and what doesn't!
My MIL (who is going on 80) always comments about how much things have changed and what was OK back when she was having kids vs today. And hey, we survived, right?
I think it was my reply you were referring to, and I have thought quite a bit o how to approach alcohol and the subject of it. I think each of us forms our parenting decisions based around our past experiences whether they were successful or not, and what they have observed from others. My parents did not allow me to drink at all and there was little conversation about it. This made me not only curious but also rebellious, and I was quite the "partyer" in highschool, so I am not naive about the subject. Of course, I don't feel there is ever a fail-proof way to deal with it. I also don't think it would be appropriate for my child to have a glass of wine during special/Christmas dinners due to our families traditions and culture, just meaning that we don't usually drink on holidays and my DH's family rarely drinks at all. Of course, if alcohol was a larger part of our traditions during this time I would consider allowing a small glass in the safety of our supervision. I guess the closest parallel I can draw is that I might consider allowing her a small glass of champagne at an important/close friend or family members wedding, but we would have a discussion about it. Anyways I write all this to say, just because my parenting decisions are different than yours doesn't necessarily mean they aren't made deliberately and with much thought, but I wish us both GL because in the end teenagers are their own enigma
Loving this mommy thing!
I think that is so true. I don't want to turn this into some drinking debate as I am sure we may change our minds when we have teenagers. My parents were complete opposite of yours. Very open about alcohol and would let me drink at home around 16/17. We had many "do not drink and drive" conversations and I knew I could always call my parents. And I was still a "partyer". I felt invinsible and did not think about consequences. Luckily there open approach did keep me away from drugs, but it did not work for alcohol. DH's parents were the same and he was a big partyer too! While I want to be open, I think I will be a little more strict than my own parents because of my own behavior.
We are all just trying to be the best parents we can. But don't feel bad Misty we all have those "judgy" moments!
Eh whatever, I'm judgy about some things too, I think we all are.
That said, when Allie was about 3 months old one of our good friends (who is a great dad, stayed at home with his little girl, but is...unconventional....) stuck his finger in his beer and then put it in Allie's mouth and said "See! Not going to kill her!"
Ummm....I don't want your fingers in my baby's mouth EVER, nevermind if they have beer on them! I didn't freak because he's a very close friend, but I'll be damned if that's ever going to happen again!