For those who are pregnant with their first...

MrsD1 · February 2011

Is anyone else feeling a little down about their couple life with DH coming to an end?

I'm completely excited for this baby but there is a part of me that feels sad that it will never be just DH and me anymore. I didn't feel this way until the last few days. I think it's reality setting in now that I'm 3/4 way done that it will never just be "us" anymore.

Is anyone else having these feelings? Is this normal?

tokenhoser · February 2011

I think it's normal to mourn a part of your life that's ending. I keep thinking as we do things "it will never be this easy again". Which is true - a few months from now, it won't be as easy to just go to the bar for wings with our friends at 8 pm. It's fun to be able to be spontaneous and go out together without needing either a babysitter or a kid-friendly plan.

I think it would be naive to not be a little worried about how our relationships and lives will change.

nola00 · February 2011

I also feel like this sometimes. I'm assuming it's normal. We have a great relationship and have always wanted a big family, but I still feel a little upset sometimes when I think about how much things will change with a baby. I know it will only be even better, but different. I think it's understandable to be a little worried about not just being the two of you anymore, it's a big life changing experience!

JessicaG56 · February 2011

I can tell u this is my third and I totally feel this way! Actually when we r alone I feel like what r we suppose to do with no kids! We both agreed to have kids right away that way when we get older our kids will be too and we will have more money to enjoy things. But looking back waiting a yr or two would have been better to travel and just be us! Don't feel bad!

oh_maria · February 2011

Totally with you on that. DH and I got pregnant really quickly and have had literally a few weeks together before the pregnancy came about. While I'll lose the time now, I know we have life after the kiddos grow up to enjoy each other.

NJMom050911 · February 2011

We wanted a baby so badly that we started trying before we got married. We finally got pregnant on our honeymoon and now looking back I do mourn the fact that we never got to be the "just married" couple. Two weeks after the honeymoon I found out I was pregnant we cannot wait for our LO to arrive but it's hard to believe that we just got married 6 months ago, seems so long ago.

kjbarber86 · February 2011

Omg yes I'm having these same feelings. DH and I even tried to get pregnant and I was worried then! But yes, now that it's getting closer, I'm getting more and more sad/scared. I'm so afriad that our relationship is just going to change negativity and we're going to end up making our lives all about our son and forget about each other and end up getting divorced like 50% of couples in America! Crying

BabyMinson11 · February 2011

I have also been feeling this way too a little bit. I see how busy my husband and I have been preparing to take our little one home and manage day to day life. He works a lot of hours so we're already limited on time so I know when the baby comes it's another huge adjustment and it makes me sad. However, we have both agreed to SCHEDULE even months in advance a "date night" for just the 2 of us. It will help us stay connected. Even if it's just dinner while the baby's at grandma's. It's alone time. Adult Time.

Good Luck!

sparkymcgeee · February 2011

I think its totally normal. Your relationship will change but everyone I've talked to says its better in so many ways. My friend described it as a deeper love because you see him as not only your best friend and lover but the father of your children. You see a totally different side of him.

I'm looking forward to that. I hope its true. Especially since we did this so soon after we got married. It will only have been a year since our wedding when Elizabeth is born.

ksales31 · February 2011

i definitely feel the same way sometimes. It comes in waves like when DH and I are doing something i know won't happen again once babay comes. It is really sad but I know it'll be worth it in the end. Plus i also know that when the babies are all grown up and out of the house we will be more financially stable. That means we can go on vacations and all that fun stuff we aren't able to do now anyways! It's perfectly normal to be scared of change!

JasonKristen · February 2011

I feel this way all the time! It comes when we are doing ordinary things like just sitting on the couch relaxing or going to the gym together or if we just go on a spur of the moment trip. We won't be able to be as spontaneous as we have been, but DH always reminds me how great it will be to have our LO and I totally feel better after that. Last night DH was all giddy that LO will be here in only 3 months its so awesome to see him getting more and more excited about LO!

LovelyLou23 · February 2011

kjbarber86:
Omg yes I'm having these same feelings. DH and I even tried to get pregnant and I was worried then! But yes, now that it's getting closer, I'm getting more and more sad/scared. I'm so afriad that our relationship is just going to change negativity and we're going to end up making our lives all about our son and forget about each other and end up getting divorced like 50% of couples in America!

some people may disagree with this, but the piece of advice that DH and I are clinging to is this: the best thing you can give your children is for them to know how much mommy and daddy love each other. if the love between you two is present and growing and active, then the love for your kids will naturally fall into place. just my thoughts on it

thewadesons · February 2011

Yeah. DH and I went on our babymoon this past weekend and I was so sad to leave. It was our last "us" vacation in a long time. I keep thinking about doing things alone together after the baby arrives all the time like we do now, but then realize it's totally not feasible. I'm totally excited for May, but wouldn't mind if it took its time getting here.

kimb311 · February 2011

I do feel like this and it makes me feel so guilty. I think my SO feels this way too sometimes. Just last night we were driving home from dinner and he asked me when he was going to have his "fun buddy" back. Broke my heart. I think he is feeling a little alone and left out. Sad

Leggadine08 · February 2011

I feel that way sometimes. DF and I have lived together for over two years but since we were younger and in school we didnt have a lot of time or money to do things. We've only been on one vacation together and we left right after we found out I was pregnant so it was on our minds the whole time that this was our only 'just us' vacation.

With all that being said, we couldnt be happier about our little girl and we actually look forward to how are lives will change. We think about taking her to Disney World, planning birthday parties and the like. I know it will challenge our relationship as its something we've never experienced but I know it will make us stronger so I try to keep it positive.

mcwhittaker · February 2011

I'm probably not the norm, for one, my husband and I will be married 13 years this May... and we've pretty much done it all as a couple.

We're both nervous about being parents for the first time, and a little worried that baby activities will take over our lives, but not at all afraid of it taking away from our relationship.

If anything it will probably enhance things because we will have a more cohesive family unit then just the couple we've always been

Whether you realize it or not, when you reach a certain age, and you're the only couple without kids... all your friends tend to vanish into their own lives/family and it just becomes the two of you like a couple of empty nesters that never had a nest of kids I'm kind of looking forward to all the extra activities and all the friends that suddenly reappeared now that we're going to have a baby.

adellel · February 2011

I totally feel like this!!! Especially since my sex life is pretty much null and void these days - I feel like it has already started.

Due to our ages (I am 39, he is 46), we started right after we got married (and we got married 1 year & 1 day after our first date). I am trying to remember to keep US a priority now and after, planning special things just for us (even the simple, little things are nice sometimes)

Temp38995750004016 · February 2011

No, but we've been married for almost 5 years and together for 9. It was always important to us to do all the big things together that we wanted to do before babies were in the picture. After almost 10 years, we won't mind having to stay in a bit more or dinner at Appleby's rather than fancier places.

kuipogirl · February 2011

I feel this way too. We took a little extended weekend away a few weeks ago as our babymoon and I cried as we were packing up to go knowing it was the last time that we would really get to do that. I have really enjoyed just our time together but whenever I start to feel sad about it I think about how amazing it will be with our son and how we will enjoy watching him grow and showing him our world.

Callidryas · February 2011

For the ladies that are afraid they didn't wait long enough after the wedding, DH and I waited for 6 years and we still had the same fears. And we are having some new fears now, I am 32 and don't want to wait too long or be too late to have the family we want, but our financial situation could be stronger! (Don't get me wrong, this child will be taken care of, maybe even spoiled. Wink

)

melaniep1005 · February 2011

Yeah, I have had a few moments of realization that 'a chapter is closing and another is opening' feeling. So excited for this baby, but bummed that we are not going to be 'us' any longer...

melgrady · February 2011

I am a little sad that we can't be as spontaneous anymore and we will have to find a babysitter if we want a night out for just the two of us. I don't feel that our couple life is over, but we will have to learn to adjust to LO's needs coming before our own. We will still have the occasional weekend getaway once we feel the time is right to leave LO with my mom that long and my cousin and SIL are willing to babysit for a few hours when we need a night out. A few of our friends with children have told us we need to make time for just us each week to keep our relationship healthy and happy.

michelerenee78 · February 2011

Your post came at the perfect time. I was just talking to one of my co-workers about bursting my bubble because he caught me looking at hotels online. I really want to plan a weekend away (not far) just me and DH before LO comes. We didnt get to celebrate our first anniversary the way I wanted to last year because I had surgery and this year, LO is estimated to make his appearance 2 days after our 2nd anniversary.

Both of us are excited/nervous about LO coming, but I really am going to miss just hanging out with my hubby.

LegalLadyBug · February 2011

It occurred to me the other day that I wont be as important once LO is here. I know it sounds ridiculous and when I told DH how I was feeling he told me I was being silly. He actually told me he would ignore LO if I wanted him too, I'm sure he was kidding, so no worries there lol. I told him I didn't want anybody to not love her, I love her and I know he does too. DH assured me that both LO and I are the most important things in the world to him, and I do believe him, it's just a weird feeling I have. I just feel like people care about me more right now because of her and once she is here I'll just be tossed to the side so to speak.

I think that bothers me more than DH and I not having couple time together anymore, we have always had other people, be it kids, or friends in our lives. We don't really drink or do other things that wouldn't be kid friendly so I don't think it will change that much. We've always been the type to rather stay home and watch a movie than go out to a fancy dinner or club or something. DH is kind of bummed about the new Pirates movie coming out at the end of May though, since we wont be able to see it unless we find someone to watch LO haha.

Mrs.Saxy · February 2011

my DS is 3 years old and I completely remember those feelings. It really hit me hard the night before my c/s.

It will no longer be the two ofyou....very scary. I think it's totally normal. It's a life change.

augustjam16 · February 2011

When we were leaving for the hospital (for DS) I cried as we said goodbye to our dog; "its the last time its just the 3 of us." It was a profound moment for me, I remember the feeling vividly and it was scary. At that point we had been married 3 years and together 9 and had done so much, we had plenty of time just us. In a way, that made for an even tougher adjustment. They say the longer you wait to have kids, the harder it is to adjust and I can understand that.

And even though this isn't my first, I'm even feeling it now a bit. DS is at an age where he is more independent and going back to the newborn baby stage scares me. Our parents live 10 minutes away, we can go out to dinner pretty much anytime. We've taken 2 vacations alone since DS was born. I just don't see that happening with 2 kids. Not for a while. We're thrilled but again, you get settled and adding a baby really shakes it up. Completely worth it but still scary.

kikibird · February 2011

Yup, me too. While DH and I have been together for almost 9 years (a few of the early years were long distance, though), we just finally got married in April and started TTC on our honeymoon. So it still seems fast to be losing that "just the two of us" time as we're just getting settled into married life (and a new apartment). But while we both wished we could have waited a couple of years before trying, my age was a huge factor in starting our family now.

So yeah I am sad about losing that "us" time, but we both know that we'd rather lose that than find out we waited too long to have kids.

flutepharm87 · February 2011

I'm definitely mourning it, especially since the last weeks DH and I have left before the boys come will be spent with me in the hospital. But I know it'll pass and I won't look back, so I'm not concerned. I mean, before I got married, there was a huge part of me that was really sad about getting hitched and not being "single" anymore. But it didn't make me want to marry my DH less and once I took the plunge and said I do, I never gave it a second loss. And I'm certain this will be the same thing.

MommyHarrison · February 2011

DH and I have been married for almost 7 years. We got married at a really young age and both needed to finish school and get our life together in order before we could think of being READY to welcome a baby into the world. And i still feel this way! So for those of you who started out with a baby on the way very quickly into your marriage, don't worry! I think you'd feel this way anyway. Maybe we waited sooo long that now we're really set in our ways, but as excited as I am about this sweet girl and watching DH be a wonderful daddy to her, there are times I think about how much I'm going to miss just us. But I'm more than certain its worth it. We're vowing to still take time to ourselves and keep the romance alive!!

heidibast · February 2011

Totally feeling this today (and the past week)! I've even cried about it multiple times (I cried reading all the replies just now). I don't want it to sound like I'm not excited, because I TOTALLY am...just sad too.

mzsparklepdx · February 2011

I think about this alot. It was especially poignant during the holidays, when I kept thinking to myself "This is our last Christmas with just the two of us." It hasn't helped AT ALL that we've been crazy busy with home remodeling and I really feel like this precious time period is fast going away and we really haven't had time to enjoy it, and each other, nearly as much as I would like. We are planning a weekend away at the end of March/beginning of April for this exact reason, even though it will put even more of a crunch on finishing the remodel in time. But I think it's necessary to stop and savor this moment of being alone.

We've already talked about continuing our Friday night "date night" after LO is born, since my mom lives nearby and can watch her while we go out to dinner for an hour or two.

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