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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
tell me it gets better...(confession/vent)
I have a very fussy baby ("high needs" according to Dr. Sears). And I'm not really enjoying it. There - I said it. I'm not really enjoying it. I constantly feel guilty because I should be finding so much joy in being a mom, regardless of his temperment, but I find that I just keep wanting him to sleep because it seems like that's the only time he's not crying. And I'm starting to dread when he wakes up because I know he'll be miserable. He was diagnosed with reflux last week, and he's been on Zantac for about 6 days, so we're hoping once that kicks in he'll be a bit happier. And then I feel awful because I know that a lot of his cries are from the reflux, but it doesn't make it any easier when I do EVERYTHING I can to soothe him and he still screams. He can be asleep in my arms for a good 30-45 minutes, and the moment I try to put him down to get something, ANYTHING done, he starts screaming. And I read all these books and posts on the Nest about how you're just supposed to love them and soothe them at this stage, and I'm ok with that to a certain extent, but what about reality? What about when I need to wash my pump parts and bottles (or pump, for that matter)? What about when I realize it's 3:00 and I haven't yet brushed my teeth? Is it selfish of me that I want to be able to get something, even something small, accomplished every day? I go between feeling sad for him and sad for me. I just wish that once he wakes up, and is fed and changed, he would have at least a short window of time when he was content so I can play with him and bond with him and enjoy him. I just feel like I'm failing miserably. And I don't have any parents in town, so it's not an option to have mom come over to help.
?
I just needed to vent. Flame if you must.?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: tell me it gets better...(confession/vent)
The first 8-12 weeks of motherhood are not the vacation in paradise you're made to think they are. Even non-reflux babies can drive their mothers to drink in the beginning.
There is nothing wrong with you and you are a good mother, because you not only recognized this - you can admit it.
Hang in there - it gets better. I promise. I wouldn't have done it a second time if it didn't.
:hugs:
DS1 born June 2008 | m/c at 9w March 2011 | DS2 born April 2012
'nilla brings up a good point. I'm not saying you would ever hurt your baby, but if you ever feel like you're at a breaking point - put him in his crib, shut the door, and go outside for some fresh air (5 min, etc). Then call your DH, your mom, a friend, a trusted neighbor - so you can go to Target and walk around by yourself for an hour or so.
OK, so we have almost the same child! I understand what you mean. DH thinks its crazy that I sit in bed for so long each day, and I tried to explain to him how DS screams so much and what it sounds like. Finally I called him yesterday and gave him a play by play over the internet.
I understand what you are going through and hope they will just grow out of it.
I just brushed my teeth, if it's any consolation. Motherhood is no walk in the park.?
I feel you. Some days are better than others. Meredith also likes to sleep in my arms. Have you tried to wear him in a sling or carrier? We put meredith on her belly on my lap when she's gassy/fussy. It seems to calm her down.?
I hope things get better for you soon. I personally hide in the bathroom and let dh deal with it sometimes. Even though I know she really wants me, but sometimes I have to walk away to regain my sanity. ?
It's tough...mine was too & my husband was away for work for the first 2 months of her life. i rarely got a shower or even brushed my teeth. I barely remember those days.
Good news is that she's super happy now at 4 months...after about 3 months is gradually got better and now at 4 months we have no more major meltdowns. we used to have to sit in the bathroom with the hairdryer going for hours on end since that was the only thing that calmed her down but now she's an absolute joy!!
Hang in there...it will be worthwhile1
Oh, I've been there. DD was a very high needs baby. She cried a lot. There were definitely days that I couldnt w ait for her naps so I could just get a break.
Its also so hard early on because they aren't very responsive and they cant show y ou when they are happy. I felt like she was always unhappy! I felt some improvement when she started smiling because there was at least some sign that she was happy.
I can tell you that things did change a lot around 3 months. People told us that was a turning point and it really was. She calmed down a lot and she became a little more responsive and happier.
At her 4 month pedi appt we did talk about reflux and we started on zantac and I think that has helped some too.
Now, I swear DD is so much different than she was when she was younger. I feel like her happy times are balanced with her crying. Some days she's happy so much more than she cries. She smiles and laughs a ton and thats wonderful! There is hope!
Oh I wanted to add that when I was on maternity leave I tried to go out with DD everyday. I just hated being couped up. But wow, she would have a meltdown a LOT! It was so frustrating, I felt like I couldnt even leave the house.
But now, she LOVES to go o ut! Honestly, if she's fussy at home...going out somewhere is a sure fire way to calm her down and make her happy. Its great now...we can go shopping or go out to eat. Its just amazing how different she is now than she used to be!
I have been there, sister, and it was rough. It does get better. We had a good 3+ months of screaming. There were some days where if he was awake, he was screaming. It's so frustrating when you feel like there's nothing you can do to soothe him. I always thought that babies wouldn't cry if you were holding them, but that was definitely not the case with mine.
The zantac helped my DS. And The Happiest Baby on the Block techniques helped. When nothing else would work, we turned on the vacuum or the hair dryer and usually that would do the trick. Our poor kid spent a lot of days swaddled with the vacuum on. Sadly, the think that really helped was just time. After 3 months, he got a lot better. He's not always an easy kid now, but he's much much happier and a lot more fun. And I have bonded with him (and so has DH), even though I worried it would never happen.
Have you tried wearing him in a sling or a wrap? We ended up using a peanut shell a lot, and I have a moby that worked sometimes. At least then you can get stuff done, and sometimes the movement calmed DS down. He'd even sleep in there.
It's not you. You are doing a great job. Babies are hard. Screamy babies are even harder. If you need to set him down and take a break, do it. We actually propped the vacuum next to his crib so we could put him in it and run the vacuum just to get a few moments of peace to go to the bathroom or whatever. Hang in there.
Ditto pp about Happiest Baby on the Block!!! Have you read it? If not get the DVD from the library!
It saved me more than a few days. I'd have DD swaddled in the swing with a paci and the vacuum on. Later I got the baby crack machine and used that instead of the vacuum.
The moby wrap was also a lifesaver too. DD was not a napper (still isnt) and that was the only place I could get her to sleep for a while.
I think it gets better...I'm kinda there too. ?My baby also has reflux, although it is not as bad as your baby, it sounds...but there were definite days where I didn't even brush my teeth (eew!) because everytime I would put DS down he would fuss and cry. ?I seriously had to wait for pauses in his crying to even go to the bathroom!
For right now, I have found what works for DS is to prop his bassinette up and to carry him upright after meals and for most of the day. ?I can usually get him to sleep if I carry him upright in his sling too! ?I know what you mean about just wanting them to sleep. ?I breathe a huge sigh of relief if I can get him to sleep and get so frustrated sometimes when he wakes up after 15-20 minutes! ?
I second the idea of getting enough Mommy time...leave baby with your husband for just an hour or two to get out and get some fresh air...it makes a world of difference I promise! ?I also live far away from family so it's difficult to leave baby with grandma for an afternoon...just learn to rely on your husband and know that the baby will be ok, as long as someone is there trying to comfort him...
It does get better! (and some days it gets worse again....) DS was a preemie and came home with feeding issues (reflux included). Zantac has helped, as well as changing formulas. However, I had MANY days where I worried I just wasn't cut out for it. I would literally be standing in the driveway holding DS waiting for DH to get from home. My parents live in another state but are retired and ended up coming to stay with us multiple times for the help. Do you have any relatives you can help you? I have even asked friends and neighbors for help when I needed some time to get away, even if it was just to spend an hour with a cup of coffee and a good book. Hang in there, and reach out to friends, family for support. Keep us updated on how you're doing too!
Just wanted to send you some hugs honey. It totally isn't easy. It's far from it. It will get better. Just repeat that to yourself... this too shall pass.
vent away, anytime you need to. The support is here!
((hug))
I'm right there with you. It does get better, it really truly does.
DD was the same way. I could not get anything done, because she had to be held all of the time.?
Now that she's four months, she's more independent, but still not too independent. It is getting better though.
The things that have gotten me through these last four months are:
Co-sleeping
Her vibrating bouncy chair (I would bring it into the bathroom with me while I showered. I'd turn on the vibration, turn off all of the lights and light a few candles. It would help her sleep. It didn't always work, but it worked more than it didn't).
Very rarely, while sitting on the couch, she'd fall asleep on me and I'd place her next to me so she was cuddled with my leg. Sometimes she'd actually sleep like that.
I'm here if you need me! I went through it and am still going through it! Remember in the Dr. Sear's book, it said that high-needs babies tend to be very intelligent? I keep holding onto that sentiment.
Hang in there.?
I so could have written this post! My son is VERY fussy, and no matter what we do, it doesn't calm him down. I have felt like a complete failure of a mom, and questioned what on earth did we get ourselves into! I adore my son, but some days I wish I could have a break from being a mother! I have heard so many different times that it gets better...WHEN??? Hopefully for both of us, it will get better soon!