Fighting with Daycare's Legal Dept.

CPA04 · February 2011

I mentioned a few weeks ago that daycare brought it to my attention that they thought they smelled alcohol on STBXH's breath when he came to pick up B (twice by the way...). I have tried to get them to file with child services and they say they can't because it isn't illegal to drink before picking up your child as long as you aren't driving the vehicle.

Now, maybe any other situation it might get a side eye, but yes, it's legal. But when you have 12 alcohol related arrests, the most recent being 3 weeks ago, it's a much bigger deal if you were drinking, while on probation, and then picked up your infant son.

I've been on the phone with their corporate office trying to have them at the very least document what happened and how they handled it, even though I understand they must remain neutral in a custody case like this. Heck, they have to record every time a child poops, pees, naps, and feeds, why can't they document what happened in this situation? Is there anything else I can do? I do have it logged in my calendar, but want to make sure I've covered all my bases since it directly links his drinking to his parenting.

caligirl0715 · February 2011

I don't know the laws but I would think they could at least document like you're suggesting. But if nothing else you're doing the right thing by keeping track yourself. Is the specific person who told you this willing to write up or sign something saying what they observed?

fauxshelley · February 2011

If they are not going to report it or even make a record of it, why are they bothering to tell you about it? Geesh. I would look for another daycare.

ballmom · February 2011

*coming out of lurking*

I am a former DCP, and you could report the incident to the licensing agency. You would need to call Div Family & Children (or whatever it is called in your area) and ask to speak to the licensing agent for centers. Explain what was told to you and ask how the daycare should handle it.

Even though I was a licensed home provider, we were told that we were to do everything in our power to NOT let the parent leave with the child if we believed they were under the influence. If they forced themselves out of the door with the child, we were to call police with the make of the car/license plate number and the route we believed they would be going. Thankfully I never had to deal with this.

julia0402 · February 2011

fauxshelley:
If they are not going to report it or even make a record of it, why are they bothering to tell you about it? Geesh. I would look for another daycare.

All of this-- I'd be so annoyed.

achase123 · February 2011

julia0402:

fauxshelley:
If they are not going to report it or even make a record of it, why are they bothering to tell you about it? Geesh. I would look for another daycare.

All of this-- I'd be so annoyed.

Yup, this. That is ridiculous.

CPA04 · February 2011

ballmom:

*coming out of lurking*

I am a former DCP, and you could report the incident to the licensing agency. You would need to call Div Family & Children (or whatever it is called in your area) and ask to speak to the licensing agent for centers. Explain what was told to you and ask how the daycare should handle it.

Even though I was a licensed home provider, we were told that we were to do everything in our power to NOT let the parent leave with the child if we believed they were under the influence. If they forced themselves out of the door with the child, we were to call police with the make of the car/license plate number and the route we believed they would be going. Thankfully I never had to deal with this.

Did it matter whether they were the driver or only a passenger in someone else's vehicle? That's the push back I'm getting - that since he wasn't driving, it wasn't a big deal and they were just "monitoring it."

fauxshelley · February 2011

Can an intoxicated person properly care for a 5 month old? I'm thinking NO. Is it against the law, probably not, but certainly not in the best interest of the child. It should be reported, and if they won't report it, you need to look for other childcare. I agree that you should contact the Child Services Dept and talk to someone about this daycare and your concern.

I thought your STBXH had an alcohol monitoring anklet on? Am I thinking of someone else?

KaliChick · February 2011

I own a preschool. I have had a parent attempt to pick up their child while intoxicated. I called the police. Parent got a DUI. CPS was involved. End of story.

The difference was that this parent did drive to pick up the child. Was the only person in the car.

Did they feel he was had a drink or was he drunk? There's a difference. If he was drunk, he can't care for the child, no matter who's driving the vehicle.

Unfortunately, most of us don't want to be involved in this sort of thing. It's a tricky place to be in. Our job is to protect the child, not be friends with the parent or be involved in their custody battle. At the same time, we are often called by attorneys or asked to give statements about situations we have witnessed or unusual circumstances and sometimes just a statement about the child's appearance/care while in the parents custody. It would not be out of the realm to have your attorney contact the daycare and ask for a statement. Then it's been documented in a legal manner. Ask the corporate office if they would be okay with that ... you might get a change of tune. You can also ask them, although they may not grant it, that they call you if in the future he comes in smelling of alcohol again.

Good luck!

thatjessie · February 2011

One of the pickup rules in our dc application is that if "under any circumstances the parent seems to be under the influence of alcohol or drugs the child will not be released with said parent" I just called DC to ask if they weren't the only ones there and they said if X showed up with his gf and he was smelling of alcohol and she wasn't they wouldn't release DD still because part of the party was under the influence according to their guidelines.

ballmom · February 2011

CPA04:
ballmom:

*coming out of lurking*

I am a former DCP, and you could report the incident to the licensing agency. You would need to call Div Family & Children (or whatever it is called in your area) and ask to speak to the licensing agent for centers. Explain what was told to you and ask how the daycare should handle it.

Even though I was a licensed home provider, we were told that we were to do everything in our power to NOT let the parent leave with the child if we believed they were under the influence. If they forced themselves out of the door with the child, we were to call police with the make of the car/license plate number and the route we believed they would be going. Thankfully I never had to deal with this.

Did it matter whether they were the driver or only a passenger in someone else's vehicle? That's the push back I'm getting - that since he wasn't driving, it wasn't a big deal and they were just "monitoring it."

I am not sure about having a sober driver. I was always told whoever was picking up should not appear to be under the influence. I know I would not allow the child to leave regardless of who was driving, they would be going home with someone that had been drinking. Let them call the police on me, I would want the police to know what was going on and make the appropriate report. If they allowed the child to leave with the parent if they had a DD, I would want a statement for my own records to protect me from any wrong doing.

CPA04 · February 2011

fauxshelley:

Can an intoxicated person properly care for a 5 month old? I'm thinking NO. Is it against the law, probably not, but certainly not in the best interest of the child. It should be reported, and if they won't report it, you need to look for other childcare. I agree that you should contact the Child Services Dept and talk to someone about this daycare and your concern.

I thought your STBXH had an alcohol monitoring anklet on? Am I thinking of someone else?

Yep, that's me. He had it on from August-November (120 days), got it off, then all this happened, showed up drunk to probation meeting Feb. 3rd (which is when I told daycare not to let him pick up B and they then brought this to my attention-not sure if they ever would have otherwise), he was thrown in jail, released from jail Feb 10th, bracelet's now back on.

CPA04 · February 2011

KaliChick:

I own a preschool. I have had a parent attempt to pick up their child while intoxicated. I called the police. Parent got a DUI. CPS was involved. End of story.

The difference was that this parent did drive to pick up the child. Was the only person in the car.

Did they feel he was had a drink or was he drunk? There's a difference. If he was drunk, he can't care for the child, no matter who's driving the vehicle.

Unfortunately, most of us don't want to be involved in this sort of thing. It's a tricky place to be in. Our job is to protect the child, not be friends with the parent or be involved in their custody battle. At the same time, we are often called by attorneys or asked to give statements about situations we have witnessed or unusual circumstances and sometimes just a statement about the child's appearance/care while in the parents custody. It would not be out of the realm to have your attorney contact the daycare and ask for a statement. Then it's been documented in a legal manner. Ask the corporate office if they would be okay with that ... you might get a change of tune. You can also ask them, although they may not grant it, that they call you if in the future he comes in smelling of alcohol again.

Good luck!

They have said they smelled it on him but he did not act in any way intoxicated.

ballmom · February 2011

CPA04:
fauxshelley:

Can an intoxicated person properly care for a 5 month old? I'm thinking NO. Is it against the law, probably not, but certainly not in the best interest of the child. It should be reported, and if they won't report it, you need to look for other childcare. I agree that you should contact the Child Services Dept and talk to someone about this daycare and your concern.

I thought your STBXH had an alcohol monitoring anklet on? Am I thinking of someone else?

Yep, that's me. He had it on from August-November (120 days), got it off, then all this happened, showed up drunk to probation meeting Feb. 3rd (which is when I told daycare not to let him pick up B and they then brought this to my attention-not sure if they ever would have otherwise), he was thrown in jail, released from jail Feb 10th, bracelet's now back on.

I wanted to comment on the picking up. You need to have your attorney draft something and have a judge sign it preventing him from picking up. If you do not have a court document stating this then he very well could be able to go in and pick up the child. I had a scenario in my daycare where there was a bitter split up, mother did not want father picking up and father fought me on it. My licensing agent said it is law that you cannot prevent a NCP from picking up a child without a court document stating otherwise. Please check on the laws in your state about that.

CPA04 · February 2011

ballmom:
CPA04:
fauxshelley:

Can an intoxicated person properly care for a 5 month old? I'm thinking NO. Is it against the law, probably not, but certainly not in the best interest of the child. It should be reported, and if they won't report it, you need to look for other childcare. I agree that you should contact the Child Services Dept and talk to someone about this daycare and your concern.

I thought your STBXH had an alcohol monitoring anklet on? Am I thinking of someone else?

Yep, that's me. He had it on from August-November (120 days), got it off, then all this happened, showed up drunk to probation meeting Feb. 3rd (which is when I told daycare not to let him pick up B and they then brought this to my attention-not sure if they ever would have otherwise), he was thrown in jail, released from jail Feb 10th, bracelet's now back on.

I wanted to comment on the picking up. You need to have your attorney draft something and have a judge sign it preventing him from picking up. If you do not have a court document stating this then he very well could be able to go in and pick up the child. I had a scenario in my daycare where there was a bitter split up, mother did not want father picking up and father fought me on it. My licensing agent said it is law that you cannot prevent a NCP from picking up a child without a court document stating otherwise. Please check on the laws in your state about that.

This is true. They can stall him and call me immediately and I can try to get there before he leaves, but they can't prevent a biological parent from picking up the child. Our temporary hearing is on March 15th and it can't get here fast enough!!! Until that point, I always have to be on guard because I can't PROVE he was intoxicated and put B in danger since daycare didn't report the incidents.

KaliChick · February 2011

Crappy situation ... I'm sorry you're in it. If it were me, I'd ask to schedule a time with the director. Explain to her what's going on and ask her to please be very diligent about releasing your child. Tell them that you realize that they cannot refuse to release your DS to his father until you have a court order, but that you would appreciate it if they would call you and do their best to stall him until you get there. Explain that you have a hearing coming up, etc.

I would think most directors would be willing to work with you. After all, the safety of your child is the most important thing to us.

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