routine/can you hold your baby too much?

cjags · February 2011

Hi,

So, I barely put my LO down during the day. I usually hold him or wear him, even during naps. I like it this way, but I am wondering if I am holding him too much? I feel like I rarely get anything done around the house (there's really only so much you can do when wearing a baby), and I would like to shower more than twice a week!

My LO is only 8 weeks old, but I'm wondering if I should be starting to start building more of a routine - for example, start putting him in his cosleeper for naps (instead of on me), building a better bedtime routine (he's fussy in the evenings, so we usually rock/bounce him until he falls asleep in the living room, but lately he's been waking up again so I nurse him back to sleep in bed.) I just feel bad putting him somewhere with a monitor and leaving the room... which I guess means I'm following my instincts and being AP??

Did you have any semblance of a routine when your LO was around 2 months? Am I holding him too much? I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing!!

StrawberryAlarmClock · February 2011

cjags:

Hi,

So, I barely put my LO down during the day. I usually hold him or wear him, even during naps. I like it this way, but I am wondering if I am holding him too much? I feel like I rarely get anything done around the house (there's really only so much you can do when wearing a baby), and I would like to shower more than twice a week!

You can absolutely not hold LO too much or show him too much love. Have DH hold him for showers or bathe with him or shower during naps.

My LO is only 8 weeks old, but I'm wondering if I should be starting to start building more of a routine - for example, start putting him in his cosleeper for naps (instead of on me), building a better bedtime routine (he's fussy in the evenings, so we usually rock/bounce him until he falls asleep in the living room, but lately he's been waking up again so I nurse him back to sleep in bed.) I just feel bad putting him somewhere with a monitor and leaving the room... which I guess means I'm following my instincts and being AP??

Routines are great but they are not gospel. DS slept on my chest for the first few months of life and he eventually started rolling himself into the crook of my arm. Now, I can't get him to fall asleep on my chest (but if he's deep asleep, I crawl into bed with him and roll him onto my chest as long as he lets me - it's my guilty pleasure!!). Follow your instincts, Mama. There is no evidence that teaching the baby to soothe himself to sleep is done by leaving them alone. Anyone who tells you so is expressing opinion, personal experience or myth.

Did you have any semblance of a routine when your LO was around 2 months?  Yes, we had a bit of a routine. Just a bit. I tried to do bath, book, nurse to sleep but there were days he was too tired for a bath or I was too tired for a book. So really, our only set in stone routine is: diaper change, turn on white noise, nurse to sleep. All the rest (book, singing, PJs, etc...) are variables.

Am I holding him too much?

No, I'd say that's not too much.G-d willing, LO will live to be very very very old. In the long run, you are holding him less than 5% of his entire life. Before he was born, you held him 24/7 in a warmwaking hour, he's still taking a major drop in hug time.

I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing!!

No one does, Mama. There is no instruction manual. Follow your instincts and, above all, ENJOY it!!!!

IncogNeato · February 2011

I have no real advice since I'm still in the middle of the same phase but LO is juuuuust starting to tolerate napping anywhere other than on me, and having the attention span to play on her play mat, etc, now. So I would say you might as well try some of these things if LO will let you, just so you have options. We just got a bouncy chair and today I got LO to sleep and then put her in the bouncy chair to nap which went well. Last week she started taking some naps in the swing. She won't nap in a crib yet, though.

I don't think you can hold a baby too much, necessarily, but it's always nice to let them try other things so that you can occasionally run to the toilet or take a shower!

For nighttime, we also just started a nighttime routine once she showed that she was starting to be able to fall asleep on her own when drowsy. (Again, just last week.) Our routine is pretty simple- bath, boob, then daddy walks her until she's almost asleep, then puts her in her RocknPlay. It's going well so far and her ability to go down drowsy but awake is getting better. Last night after both nighttime feedings I offered the paci (but she wouldn't take it!) swaddled her, placed her in her RnP and she fell asleep on her own. Amazing!

edited to add: she falls asleep without fussing or crying, I should add. I won't CIO. Also, I go back to work in four weeks and she will probably have to go down for naps in a crib. I hate the thought of her suffering through a harsh transition without me so I'm working to help her learn these "skills" with me in a safe environment so that daycare is less of a shock.

shaunna&chad · February 2011

Nope :-) Hold away! Some people believe that LOs first three months are like a 4th trimester. Keep nursing, holding, wearing, and shushing. It's more like the womb, and your LO will appreciate it.

My DS still sets his own schedule, and I just follow his lead. I SAH, so that makes it easier to avoid scheduling, but he does have somewhat of a routine, that I can plan around. DH also understands that what I can accomplish is totally reliant on what DS allows me to do, and helps however he can. I also found that setting a small goal each day helps. Ex. Clean the bathroom. It may take all day, but a few minutes here and there got it done. And you feel accomplished.

But also dont feel like you neglect your baby by sitting him in a swing or bouncy chair, so you can go to the bathroom, or shower, or get yourself something to eat. You have to take care of yourself too! If LO enjoys playing by themself for a few minutes, you can use that time to get something done. I preferred the portability of the bouncy seat, so I could take LO with me around the house, so he was never alone.

HappyMommy28 · February 2011

cjags:
Hi,

So, I barely put my LO down during the day. I usually hold him or wear him, even during naps. I like it this way, but I am wondering if I am holding him too much? I feel like I rarely get anything done around the house (there's really only so much you can do when wearing a baby), and I would like to shower more than twice a week!
I held DS all the time when he was that age. I did have him sleep in his crib or swing so I could sleep or get chores done. He also does not like to be worn around the house so I guess that helps me. I did buy a floor "gym" that I let him play with. He usually lasts about 30 minutes with that. Enough for me to clean the kitchen or living room. For showers, I put him in his rocker and bring it to the bathroom. That way he is still near me and i can watch him. Plus - the steam is good for him if he has a cold.

My LO is only 8 weeks old, but I'm wondering if I should be starting to start building more of a routine - for example, start putting him in his cosleeper for naps (instead of on me), building a better bedtime routine (he's fussy in the evenings, so we usually rock/bounce him until he falls asleep in the living room, but lately he's been waking up again so I nurse him back to sleep in bed.) I just feel bad putting him somewhere with a monitor and leaving the room... which I guess means I'm following my instincts and being AP??
I let DS build a routine. He wakes me up, falls asleep between 9:00 and 11:00. He plays for a bit, and eats on demand. He may take a short nap around 3:00 and another one around 6:00. The only "real" schedule we have is bath at 8:00 followed by book, feeding and bed. He's usually asleep by 9:00.

Did you have any semblance of a routine when your LO was around 2 months? Am I holding him too much? I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing!!

WildcatPrincess · February 2011

TBH we still don't have much of a routine, but that's just the kind of people we are

I mean we have a mild bedtime routine (PJs, book, nurse in the rocker) but during the day not so much. It wasn't until around 3 or 4 months that DD started doing independent play here and there and she napped on me until she was 8 months old. Clearly you do what you want to do, but she hasn't suffered from it or anything. She plays by herself quite happily these days, I was just commenting to her how much that had changed, and she takes all naps and even sleeps overnight in her crib, now. I've never believed you can hold a baby too much. As for a shower, that's something I used to do as soon as DH got home. Now DD takes one long nap and I can workout and shower while she's sleeping....now if I could just figure out the clean house part

cjags · February 2011

Thanks mamas. I guess I just needed reassurance that it's ok to still be spending most of my days cuddling or playing with the munchkin. It seems like everone else gets more done each day.

He will go in his swing for a bit, but he just falls asleep in it. So I can get a bit done, but some days he's pretty fussy and won't go in it. He doesn't play independently yet, so I guess when that starts happening I'll have more free time. He also seems to hate his bouncy chair.

WildCatPrincess, I love the poem in your siggy! So true, and applicable to my question!

erinkate23 · February 2011

No, you can't hold your baby too much.

Enjoy it while it lasts; pretty soon he'll be running around and won't even have time for a hug.

GrayGhost13 · February 2011

No advice but I could absolutely have written your post myself! You are not alone!

BlindysWife · February 2011

If its possible to hold your baby too much, then I am guilty. But, I don't think its possible. Wink I miss the little bugger all day long, so when I get home I don't want to do anything but snuggle him. DH has to pry him away from me so I can make dinner.

We do, sort of, have a routine. We just do whatever Linus needs at that moment, but he tends to be pretty regular on his needs. But, when he deviates from the "routine" we just roll with it.

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