How old is too old to BF?

erinkate23 · February 2011

This is an honest question, based on curiosity; DS is FF. I honestly don't know the answer. I know at a certain point, an older child nursing makes me uncomfortable, but I don't know if that's my own cultural bias taking over or what.

I know that AP embraces extended nursing (as do I) but is there an upper limit of acceptability in your opinion? 3? 5? 7? When they're old enough to ask in a complete sentence? What if there are disabilities and/or nutritional problems, does that change your opinion?

I'm not trying to start a fight, so be nice. :P

someflower6 · February 2011

honestly, i was thinking about this too because someone posted that youtube video of the mom who still breastfed her 7 year old daughter. i try not to judge those who want to do extended breastfeeding, but it does seem extreme to me. then again, i have never known anyone IRL to bf for more than 1-2 years, tops, so perhaps it is a cultural thing.

erinkate23 · February 2011

Of my two close friends who BF, one did till her girls were 2 1/2, and the other is still BF at 25 months, and that seems "normal" to me

Like you, I know of some folks who are BFing kindergartners. It makes me uncomfortable on some level, but I don't know if that's a weird "stupid American, boobs are for food!" thing going on.

webMistress0609 · February 2011

I've read that most babies will self wean between 2-3. In some cultures nursing until 5 is the norm, but that's more rare. The nutritional need for milk is supposedly done around 2, so basically that weaning age is biologically appropriate. Not saying there aren't benefits after 2, just stating that the "need" part wanes.

I think 2-3 sounds good to me. Ari has really cut back over the last few months with no prodding on my part except night weaning at 14 months. He rarely nurses more than once a day now. And he was definitely a nurse-around-the-clock boobaholic.

SteelCityBride · February 2011

I think for us we will stop around 2 years. But I say that now & have no idea what I'll feel like if he hits 2 years & wants to continue nursing (although I know my DH was a little freaked out about nursing beyond 1 at first).

Anyway, I just wanted to point out something about nursing older toddlers/children. Nursing a 2, 3 or 4 year old is a lot different (from what I understand) than nursing an infant (or under 1 year old baby). This is the thing I point out to family when they give me the side eye for saying that I'm fine with nursing until E wants to stop. By the time these kids are 2 and 3 their bellies are being filled with table food & they aren't nursing ravenously every couple of hours the way they did when they were younger. So if you're still nursing your 3 year old, it may just be once/day like at bedtime or before a nap for soothing purposes. Obviously I'm not there yet, as E is only 10 mos, but this is my understanding.

I don't know what our absolute upper limit would be. I'm hoping E will self wean by the time he's 2 or shortly after. But if that doesn't happen, I know we definitely won't be going until he's 7! My SS is 7 & I just can't imagine a child that big still nursing.

HappyMommy28 · February 2011

I plan on stopping when DS wants too - unless he doesn't stop by 2 1/2 then I will. I may also pump for awhile afterwards but there is a limit - IMO - in which he wont be attached. The oldest I saw BF was 8. That would make me very uncomfortable.

lisa5201 · February 2011

There is a pediatrician/naturalist in my area that writes a blog about her family and has a 7 year old that is still nursing. A seven year old boy in first grade. I try to feel open minded about it, but it honestly gives me the heebie jeebies.

I read a study about an anthropologist that came to the conclusion that somewhere around three years (give or take a year depending on climate/ect) was how long humans, as mammals, are "supposed" to nurse their young. In some cultures, women nurse much longer (Mongolia comes to mind) and in others, short nursing sessions are the norm (the US and UK). However "normal" doesn't always represent "ideal". Ideal for mom and baby will differ from pair to pair, but I strongly believe that moms should aim for 6 months as a minimum (if possible)

2 years is my goal, and we're just about half way and going strong and happy. If we are in the same place a year from now, I would have no problem extending nursing, but for us, I think age 4 would be a pretty definite cutoff. I'm going to let DD hold the reins in between some parameters.

I wouldn't hold it against a mom who breastfed for longer, but I think it would be best left after age 3-ish to private nursing sessions. Just because of our societal norms and prejudices. Maybe that's just me being a prude, but I dislike the thought of witnessing a much older child nurse.

EmmieB · February 2011

I read the same thing as webmistress - most babies self wean between 2 and 3.

My goal was 18 months. I nursed the day before yesterday for the last time.

Army_Wife_04 · February 2011

I would like to continue until DS is ready to self wean, but I am not sure I would like to go beyond 2. I never thought I would even make it to a year though after the rough start we had when he was a newborn, so I really can't say for sure how I will actually feel when he is 2 and still really into nursing. I guess we'll just see how it goes.

EmmieB, I love your siggy pic! DS does the same thing in the Beco and the ring sling, and I'm sure people look at me crazy, but he is secure and he just loves being upside down. Big Smile

CD+AL · February 2011

I honestly don't have an answer to this question. Pre-DS, I was in the "if he can ask for it he's too old" camp, but obviously I hadn't educated myself on the subject and was just reacting out of my societal biases.

I'm now nursing a 37mo DS and a 9mo DD, and I've been kind of wondering this in the back of my mind as we approached and then came to 3yrs. At what point do we stop? At first I thought, I just want to make it to 1yo, and then 18mos, and then 2yrs. At 2yrs, I threw all that out the window and said to myself, "I'll nurse until he decides to stop unless there is a compelling reason to stop." At that point, I really thought that he'd want to stop around 3yrs or so, but he doesn't even appear to have a concept that there is an end to his BF'ing career.

So, given all that, I really don't have an answer. I suppose at some point either he'll decide he wants to be done, or something will happen to cause me to encourage him to be done. I'm not sure how the later would go b/c he's very connected to the concept and a forced weaning would be horribly tough on him. I guess we'll just have to see how it goes one day at a time.

Angela814 · February 2011

I can't imagine nursing my 4.5 yo now, but I don't think that 4.5 yo is too old to nurse either.

I don't know how to answer this question. I do believe in child led weaning. I wasn't able to do it with DD1 because she started having latch issues as she got older. She was weaned at 3y2m.

I think in a lot of ways a 3yo is still a baby. If she needs to nurse at 3yo and mom still wants to, then it's not too old. I wouldn't even automatically think a 5yo or a 7yo is too old. Some 7 yo still need to nurse, although by then I'd say most don't. I'd say a 12 yo is too old...

waterfly · February 2011

I still nursed at least a couple times past the age of three--my brother was born a couple weeks before my birthday, but my mom still says she regrets my siblings not getting to nurse as long as I did, since the others were born closer together(she actually attributes my being the only one of the four of us not to need braces to this). Then again, my mother was a LLL leader for years, and has actually said that one of her greatest fears is that my brothers will end up with "career women who won't BF and who'll pop their kids in daycare right away." You could say my perspective's a bit skewed, based on upbringing... Wink

With that as a background, I really can't side-eye anyone breastfeeding a 3-year-old, and probably wouldn't with a 4-year-old, having received the benefits of it myself, years ago. A 7-year-old I might wonder about, but I doubt I'd come right out and ask... As for the "complete sentence" thing, I was using complete sentences at 2, so...again, I don't think that's really a good determining factor. I expect(barring serious issues) to BF my own child(ren) as long as it's the right thing for both me and them, and hope to make at least the two year mark...but we'll see.

BrittKav · February 2011

I will probably stop around 2. I would say I might feel uncomfortable seeing a 3-year-old nurse, but as my own child gets older I might begin to feel more comfortable with it. I originally wanted to be done BFing by 6-9 months, and my views have obviously changed since then. Personally, I wouldn't want my child to have memories of BFing, so 3 is the max I would go.

Lotte134 · February 2011

waterfly:
Then again, my mother was a LLL leader for years, and has actually said that one of her greatest fears is that my brothers will end up with "career women who won't BF and who'll pop their kids in daycare right away." You could say my perspective's a bit skewed, based on upbringing...

I know you're being funny, but just wanted to say that, as a career woman, it is still possible to extended BF. Yes, DS has been in (very loving and carefully chosen) daycare since 12 weeks, but he's still nursing at 2 years 4 months and we have a very attached relationship. I hope, as a LLL leader, your mom supports working moms who BF just as she supports SAHMs.

Lotte134 · February 2011

Oh and as for when is too old I guess I agree that in most cases 7 might be pushing it, but I really feel like if mom and child are ok with it who am I to judge. I would like to wean DS by 3, I think, but a year ago I would have said I would like to wean by 2 and I haven't. We're both still enjoying it so I have no reason to stop. In my local AP group there are several moms who BF until almost 5 and it didn't seem weird at all.

Angela814 · February 2011

Lotte134:
waterfly:
Then again, my mother was a LLL leader for years, and has actually said that one of her greatest fears is that my brothers will end up with "career women who won't BF and who'll pop their kids in daycare right away." You could say my perspective's a bit skewed, based on upbringing...
I know you're being funny, but just wanted to say that, as a career woman, it is still possible to extended BF. Yes, DS has been in (very loving and carefully chosen) daycare since 12 weeks, but he's still nursing at 2 years 4 months and we have a very attached relationship. I hope, as a LLL leader, your mom supports working moms who BF just as she supports SAHMs.

I found this offensive too and was hoping it wasn't meant that way. Honestly, I think it's harder to be a working mom and extended bf. I worked hard to pump enough milk for DD1 for the first full year and then nursed her when we were together after that. I'm struggling now to pump what DD2 needs every day. My daycare actually provides formula now. DD2 hasn't had a drop yet, and that's because I'm dedicated to keeping our bfing relationship going. Yes, both girls started daycare at 12 weeks, but that doesn't mean I'm any less attached to them than a SAHM.

Lotte134 · February 2011

Angela814:
Lotte134:
waterfly:
Then again, my mother was a LLL leader for years, and has actually said that one of her greatest fears is that my brothers will end up with "career women who won't BF and who'll pop their kids in daycare right away." You could say my perspective's a bit skewed, based on upbringing...
I know you're being funny, but just wanted to say that, as a career woman, it is still possible to extended BF. Yes, DS has been in (very loving and carefully chosen) daycare since 12 weeks, but he's still nursing at 2 years 4 months and we have a very attached relationship. I hope, as a LLL leader, your mom supports working moms who BF just as she supports SAHMs.
I found this offensive too and was hoping it wasn't meant that way. Honestly, I think it's harder to be a working mom and extended bf. I worked hard to pump enough milk for DD1 for the first full year and then nursed her when we were together after that. I'm struggling now to pump what DD2 needs every day. My daycare actually provides formula now. DD2 hasn't had a drop yet, and that's because I'm dedicated to keeping our bfing relationship going. Yes, both girls started daycare at 12 weeks, but that doesn't mean I'm any less attached to them than a SAHM.

Big kudos to you! I don't miss the days of looking at those bottles hooked up to the pump and hoping you have enough. It is so stressful. {{hugs}}

Want a personalized experience?

How old is too old to BF?

Re: How old is too old to BF?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards