Baby Showers
Help with joint wedding and baby shower etiquette
My oldest niece is having her first baby and her brother is getting married around the same time. Both couples live out-of-town and will both be back for a mutual friend's wedding in April ... because it is the only time that both will be back in town the other Aunts thought we should have a joint shower (baby and wedding). The question is, what kind of wording can I use to let guests know they are not obligated to buy a gift for both or are they? What if they do not know either the bride-to-be or the mom-to-be? Should I even put anything at all? HELP!
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Re: Help with joint wedding and baby shower etiquette
Yeah see that is exactly why joint showers are not the best idea. My advice would be to only invite those people who know both because you can tell people all you want that they don't have to buy for both, but the guests still might feel awkward.
I think joint showers between 2 brides or 2 moms-to-be is a bad idea as it is, much less trying to do a joint baby/wedding shower for 2 different people?! I would imagine the guest lists will be very different, and really, these are two very different events.
If people know it's a "joint" shower, even if they don't know the other one, they may feel they have to bring a gift for both.
Seriously, this is not a good idea. Too much confusion.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Another thing I'm going to throw out there - showers really aren't all that super exciting and I feel they should be kept relatively short. 3 hours is perfect.
As a guest, if I were invited to a shower like this, it would just scream "going to take a REALLY long time" - that many more guests, more gifts, 2 people opening gifts, and then will there be activities involved, etc.
It would make me cringe, to be honest. I feel like it would take up my entire day. And if one of the two honoree's was someone I didn't actually know and I wasn't there for them, again, add that to the "frustrating" meter.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I'm totally with you guys, hate the idea of a joint shower, but with everyone's schedules, not only do they have to be the same day, but we only have a TWO hour window ... which, I actually don't mind as I'm in agreeance with EastCoastBride, I hate when these things take up my entire day!
I'm always the stickler for etiquette at these things, wedding and baby showers both, so it's hurting my brain to have to combine them. I think I will have the mom of the mother-to-be, who is also the mother-in-law to the bride-to-be put the word in the ear of the opposite family members who might not know one of the honorees that they can spread the word to their families to not to feel obligated to bring a gift for both. ugggg, I hate this! Not only do I have to deal with the etiquette issue, I feel like I have to be responsible to ship all the attendees presents as both the mom-to-be and bride-to-be live out of town!
Again, you can say that all you want to; but that still doesn't mean it won't be awkward for the guests.
This exactly - maybe you could send the invite stating a BBQ or luncheon type of event - for two really important milestones. I wouldn't open gifts at the event and hopefully it all goes smoothly
I like the luncheon or dinner idea. Then, if someone wants to bring a gift they can but it's completely optional and not advertised as an actual shower. I just don't see how a joint "shower" could work. What would you write on an invitation?
What if you do it the same time/place but keep them seperate.
Baby shower invites to baby shower guests. Wedding shower invites to wedding shower guests. If someone knows both well, send them both invites.
Have 2 seperate places for them to sit. Have them open at the same time. If people are there for both of them, they'll have to pick one or jump ship back and forth.
Obviously when presents aren't being opened, everyone can eat and mingle all together.
Seperate, but together? I could see this working, possibly. haha.
Baby #4; 7/7/2018
Do not have a joint wedding/baby shower. My two nieces did this and it was terrible and I knew both of them. I know there were people there that did not know one or the other and they acted like they were very uneasy because they only brought a gift for one of them. I know my sister was just trying to save money (no time constraint) by doing this but I felt it was actually kind of tacky. Plus...it was a PITA to try to juggle carrying in two gifts (it was not at a house and a long walk to the facility from the parking lot).
I guess I would just do one late morning (2 hours) and then one early afternoon (2 hours). If they can't make that then one of them will just have to be SOL. Won't your nephew's bride-to-be's family host a bridal shower? IMO...they have to be a bit accomodating as well seeing as the showers are for them. Maybe the nephew will have to make a second trip.
Ugh, god. I'm just imagining watching two people open presents. One of them I don't know. Boooooooooooring.
If your aunts are insistent and there's no other time... well then I guess there's nothing you can do. Oh, except decline the shower. Why not step back and let the other one have her bridal shower. I'm sure she's not thrilled about sharing her special moment either.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
since they are siblings i would keep it to just family, only immediate family of dadtobe and bridetobe.
After two losses, third time was a charm.
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Although I generally agree that this is a bad idea, if this is the only time they can be in town, I would just make sure that you only invite family or those that know both guests.
When I was getting married the other counselor that I worked with was pregnant, so the ladies at our school threw us a joint shower. We both wanted in on the fun (b/c had it not been joint we would have been the ones hosting for each other), so I made the favors for her and she made the favors for me. She made bookmarks and had little blue boxes (my colors) with candy. I took large plastic Easter eggs and filled with pastel candy corn and a peep. Tthe tags I made said "A new chick will soon be hatching."
It was at someone's house and the decorations just said "congrats". Someone got cupcakes and half were decorated with a wedding theme and half were baby themed. We sat next to each other to open gifts and we each opened every other one. I know that one of us had more gifts than the other (someone had more joint gifts), but it was no big deal - the other person just opened another 5 minutes longer. Two people wrote down our gifts for thank yous - one for each of us.
It was a really nice and fun day. But, everyone there was someone we worked with and knew us both. We both felt very special and loved. So it can work out. Good luck.