nbr: my stepdad killed my boxer last night.
TiffanyTheMom
member
i am in huge shock, and i have a headache from crying. my mother in FL called with the news this morning.
this stepdad is bipolar and he's started a divorce from my mom. they got a boxer they named chancellor when they got married, and i was in high school. he was the best dog ever- so sweet i could put him in my lap and cuddle him like a gigantic baby, energetic and fun and when you shouted, 'bang bang!' and pointed your fingers at him like a gun he'd roll over and play dead!
lately the dog, who lives with my stepdad while the divorce was starting, has been having seizures and have endless vomiting spells. he was taken to a vet saturday and found to have a 5lb tumor in his liver or spleen. he was given 2 months tops to live as it's inoperable.
last night, chancellor was having a bad fit of seizing and so my stepdad just put a gun to his head and shot him. just like that. a dog he's loved for 10 years. he was supposed to take him to the vet on friday to be euthanized so my mom could be there with him, but i guess my stepdad didn't want to pay the measly $65 to have him humanely euthanized...
and while i'm sitting here on the couch sobbing and nursing my LO, dh asked me to fill him in and i told him. he said he AGREED with my stepdad shooting him and kept saying, look at the bright side, he's not in pain anymore! i told him he didn't deserve to go like that, and dh said there's nothing wrong with one, painless shot to the head. how does he know it was painless? just like when people get shitr in the head, it doesn't always mean instant death- sometimes it can cause a prolonged, painful death. when i told him people can get jail time for that he got irate with me and told me i needed to stop giving him attitude. 
last night was ugly too- he wanted me to put the baby in her room to CIO and said doctors say thats okay! I told him no, dr's say to walk away from a screaming baby for 10 minutes and come back- not just leave them there!! he got irate with me then and screamed at me (like, 17 times in a row) to shut up. and i had been the one just awake from 10pm to 3am trying to calm a fussy baby and he'd been asleep. i'm still pretty hurt over that.
Re: nbr: my stepdad killed my boxer last night.
Tiffany,
I am so sorry you had such a bad night. I am also sorry you and dh are having such a hard time. I hope you can work everything out so you can feel better. Our marriage was really rough after we had ds#2 it took a long time but we got through it.
Erin
I am SO sorry about your dog. That must be absolutely heart breaking.
I am also sorry that you are going through that with your H. I am serious when I say his comments and actions sound like he is struggling with some things. I don't mean to cross the line or anything, and I certainly don't know that whole story, but between this and some other things I have read from you, it sounds like he (or both of you) could benefiit from some prefessional help. Sorry if it's not my place to suggest this, but his behaviour does sound concerning.
I've tried to get him to go to counseling numerous times in the past. He never sees the needs for it until a HUGE blowout has happened between us. When I tell him WE have issues that need to be mediated by a professional (we're incapable of remaining calm on certain subjects) he says he's fine and I'm the one who needs to just suck it up and deal with things. Last year we had a huge fight that got physical (when I was either 21 or 22 wks pg) and I wanted counseling, but it never happened. I don't know if it's possible to still love someone and yet not be attracted to them in any way. The thought of going to bed with him ever again creeps me out. How could anyone want to go to bed with a partner who doesn't listen to them, doesn't take stock in 'feelings' and doesn't want to hear facts, just what HE sees should be the right way because it makes sense to him? Ugh. If I tell him these things, he just gets angry again. It feels hopeless.
I think many men feel that taking an animal out back is humane and the manly dignified of easing a transition to death. I am not saying I agree with your DH in any manner, and I am really frustrated he didn't show compassion to your pain, but it is really common. When my cat was very ill, many of the men I work with and FIL insisted that this was the best way to handle it.
I am really sorry he yelled at you, it seems like this is a very difficult transition for both of you. I don't want to be that naggy friend that says I don't like the way he treats you, but I will say the once, I don't like the way he treats you. I am sure you feel like you are at your wits end with this situation, please see what you can do to help your marriage, because he needs to be more understanding of the hard work you do to care for your children.
I know you are stressed with everything but from as far as I can tell you are gorgeous, a wonderful mother, and a beautiful person, try not to let all this get to you.
DH thinks the same thing about animals. The best way to put them out of their misery is just to take them out back and shoot them, but he also grew up in the country where that is ok. I think it is horrible.
Each relationship has issues. DH and I have issues, no one is perfect, but how he handled the situation was not right. I am also sorry your DH yelled at you like that.
I am sorry Tiffany! I work at a 24 hour emergency animal hospital and I can honestly say that whenever we have people call and say they just shot their animal rather than bringing it in to be put down it gets me upset everytime so I am so sorry you are having to go through this!
he was such a good dog, he did not deserve to go like that. how can a man look at his best friend for 10 years and blow his brains out? why is $65 too much to pay for your friend to go peacefully??
i didn't even know that was legal.
i am so sorry
Proud mama to a boys- 6/17/09 - a girl 2/23/11- and a boy 8/20/12
OMG I am appalled that your step-dad did that!!! Yeah the dog was suffering but still shooting him wasn't right. And the fact that your DH wasn't understanding about how you feel is wrong too. This animal has been in your life for years and you were very attached to him and loved him. It's going to hurt and your DH should have been supportive instead of being a jerk and yelling at you.
And yelling at you about the baby when he's getting the sleep he needs and you're up with her and probably exhausted was bs as well. Again he needs to be supportive here. If I'd been in your place I probably would have burst in to tears and then told him to get the hell away from me. Does your LO have colic or was she just really fussy that night?? I hope things get better for you, hun. Again so sorry to hear about your dog.
I am so sorry. What a horrible shock that must have been, and then to have to relive it as you told your DH, who turned out to be totally unsympathetic.
I agree with others who say counseling could really make you feel better. Until then, zombie hugs
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This. I am so sorry.
Omg Tiffany I'm so sorry to hear all of this is happening, especially at such an emotional time. Thoughts and prayers that you can grieve the loss of your boxer - I had to put my fur baby down in early December, one of the hardest things I've ever done. Losing a pet is very hard.
As far as DH and your CIO ordeal - sounds like he needs to take a step back and listen to you and how you feel (both abt your pup and the CIO issue) and respect your feelings a bit more. Again so sorry your going through all this
T&P you feel better soon 
*hugs*
THIS IS NOT HEALTHY. Its not even on the verge of healthy. You have to be the most whole, healthy, available, safe, sane mom you can to your kids....that's with or without your a$$hole husband.
First, I love your LO's name. Very cute!
I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this right now. Your stepdad is a douche who should be reported to the authorities. But, that doesn't take away the pain tha tyou're feeling. And, while I'm all for a humane, painless death for a gravely ill animal, what he did was wrong. I hope your H just agreed that the dog was in pain and deserved a painless death...and not that he thought what your SD did was right. I'm really trying to give your H the benefit of the doubt.
As for the CIO for a 22day old....um...no. That's just cruel.
DH does agree with my stepdad's decision to put the dog down the way he did. He grew up in a tiny redneck town and that is an acceptable way to put animals out of their misery in the country. (They have to drive 40 minutes to get to a Walmart.) To him, letting the animal live another few days in pain would have been worse. My H also has very high expectations of what babies/children can understand. He's always thought that just because a child can walk, they're capable of being told not to touch something and then actually following through. I agree we (/HE) needs counseling. The only thing I can do is have him come to pediatric appointments with me to hear it from a professional that CIO is not acceptable for a newborn. I did CIO with my other daughter at 8-9 months, but she never woke for food or any other reason than to play. I think that's fine.