Am I being unreasonable?

4/29/06Bride · February 2011

DH is taking a group of college students to Italy this May. Long story short, the travel agency screwed him over and he's still trying to get airline tickets. The trip was supposed to be 5/12 to 5/28. So 17 days while I'm 5 months pregnant and have a 3 year old to wrangle.

He just told me today that he can get tickets that have them back on Memorial day, 5/30. So you want to add 2 more days to what I have to do alone with DD AND that includes my ENTIRE 3 day weekend? Really? I explained that this really didn't fly for me, but I feel like a total ***. I don't get that much time off, and it just seems like a lot for me to agree to at this point.

My mother passed away last year, but my dad is willing to come and help with DD for part of the time. MIL will come for some time as well. But I wouldn't expect either of them to come for a holiday weekend.... and I just want to enjoy it as a family! DH is a college professor and we rarely get time off together that he isn't catching up on work.

TheFannins729 · February 2011

it probably wouldn't bother me that much. dh has a trip coming up and it's never crossed my mind that i'd have to have ds alone for that time. and i mean, what's he supposed to do about it at this point? when i start to get cranky about dh not being home, I think about my niece who was alone for most of her pregnancy and delivered her baby while her ds was in iraq. it could be a LOT LOT worse.

veronicafvr · February 2011

I can see why you would be frustrated since you will have to take care of the house by yourself for almost 3 weeks, but is this trip required for him? Sounds like you really want some vacay with him, maybe you two could plan a little weekend getaway before he leaves so you can recharge and get some time together. Then you won't feel so much like you are missing out.

wnk1029 · February 2011

I can understand being disappointed or a bit upset, but it doesn't sound like he has a whole lot of say in it. My DH is in charge of a church youth trip this summer, too, and although I hate having him gone for a whole week, I'm going to visit some family and friends and just try to make the best of it.

kandg · February 2011

It stinks, but I think you should suck it up. My DH will be gone for 2 two-weeks periods this summer and I'm be alone with DD. One at the end of July (7 months pg) and one at the end of August (8 months pg). Plus, it's not his fault the tickets got messed up.

brit072206 · February 2011

I can totally understand why you'd be upset. At the same time though, once he's already gone for such a long stretch, I can't imagine that another 2 days or so would be a breaking point. I agree with PP that you guys should get away together before he leaves and that might help.

4/29/06Bride · February 2011

He does have a say. It's his class and his trip. He's responsible for everything. He does have a say, and cutting the trip back a day instead of adding 2 days would get the same priced tickets and (gasp) 1 less day of sight-seeing. Yes, I should suck it up. That's why I said in my OP that I don't really have room to say anything without being a ***.

I think no one could understand the bottom line of my feelings unless they had a husband whose job sucks them dry. He comes home from working all day, has dinner with us (unless, like tonight/Mon night/tomorrow night he has a school responsibility) and pretty much goes right back to work. His school is open many holidays, the ones they are closed he is getting caught up on grading or whatnot, and there aren't a lot of holidays for me over the summer when he is off.

So YES, my initial reaction was are you ___ kidding me, we can't even have memorial weekend together, after you're already gone 17 days? I knew he would have to do what he has to do. And I'll get over it.

Thanks for your opinions. Yes, maybe a trip together over the summer might help things.

smorzandoj · February 2011

Honestly I think you should be thankful that you know when it is and you can have help for some of the time. My DH has been hospitalized 2 for long periods of time since DS was born both sudden so I had no help.

TheFannins729 · February 2011

yeah, dh's old job he didn't come home before 9 six days a week and worked holidays. and he was made to feel like sh!t anytime he took vacation before december. so, i get the job sucking you dry thing. we only saw him on sundays. and i still don't see what the big deal is over 2 extra days. i guess i just figure at that point, what's the difference.

Mereou12 · February 2011

My initial reaction was to just suck it up, it's only two extra days, and many people, myself included, have been through MUCH worse.

But I'm used to my husband being at the mercy of the military, where he has no opinion or choice whatsoever. When they say he's gone, he's gone. But if he had a say for once and had the choice to come home a day early or stay two extra, and he chose to stay, I'd be pretty peeved, too.

I dunno...when I get down about how much my husband is gone, I just try to remind myself that there are SO many families that have it so much worse. In the grand scheme of things, two days is nothing. Maybe have him promise you an extra special weekend getaway, just the two of you to make up for it?

sjk5578 · February 2011

This definitely sucks, but don't make it suck more by letting it cause tension or anger between you. Instead I think you should make a compromise, not just to go on a getaway together (or maybe you want one alone where he can care of your other child), but also to skype every day while he is away. I have to go on a 2 week business trip in early March and feel bad leaving my DH for 15 days. Not only am I making sure he has meals for the time I'm gone, but we are also planning to skpe every day (even if just for a few minutes). It won't be easy with the time difference, but at least it will make being apart easier on both of us.

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