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TTC After a Loss 6 Months+
Suntoto
I really do feel sorry for you. You have a really warped way of looking at things. I don't think I have ever been ignorant or insensitive. I will not post here anymore. I hope that makes your day. It is hard to wAtch ladies come and go left and right on the regular board for me too. I don't understand your issue. And you obviously don't understand anything that isn't your situation. And I don't want the other ladies here to be bothered by the drama you start everytime I post.
Sorry for the drama today everyone else. I never thought a BFN post would cause that or I wouldn't have posted.
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Re: Suntoto
It's not about it being hard, it's about understanding how a BFN "boo hoo no 2011 baby post" stings and burns those of us who have been actively TTC for +6 months. You haven't been doing that. It is the same thing as I have said to you all along. If you had been TTC +6 months you would understand this, thus your post was ignorantly insensitive. Notice I am NOT calling you ignorantly insensitive, just your POST, b/c you made it NOT KNOWING how something like that really is INSENSITIVE to people who MIGHT NOT EVER HAVE A CHILD!. It isn't a "warped" way of looking at things, it is what happens when you have been actively TTC for so long. You my dear, are lucky in that you have not been there yet. I don't get why you want to be in TTCAL+6, it isn't a cool club. Oh and you need to head your own advice b/c you obviously don't understand what it means to ACTIVELY TTC for 6+ months, so don't go telling me what YOU, who has only been TTC since 2010 and not actively trying for +6 months does not comprehend. That is all I have to say to you.
*veeeeerrrry carefully stepping into this minefield*
I know I'm the last person who needs to put their 2 cents in, but I think you are both nice ladies. I know Suntoto better than I know Pennynjon, and she's been really wonderful with me. That being said, I've never seen Pennynjon be anything but supportive under normal circumstances.
It's not a question about being supportive, it is a question about being empathetic. There is a difference.
Suntato, I never joined this group because I thought that it was "cool." I joined the group because when I got pregnant in 2009, I thought that I would have a child at home in 2010. Now a year and a half later, I still don't. After my second loss, I have also felt hopeless and like it would never happen for me either. That is why I joined you all. Because I knew you understood that feeling. I am not going to break it down for you again on the reasons why you can't ttc right after a ceserean. I am done trying to reason with you. Anyone who tries to turn a loss group into a clique has issues- and that is what YOU try to do...along with only responding to posts to start something. And you are anything BUT emapthetic.
CarrieLeigh, Thank you. I have never said anything to her to start this. I try to keep my mouth shut when I think a post is stupid or I don't have anything supportive to say unless I am constantly being attacked by someone like suntoto. Actually she is the only person I have really came across like that.
ETA: I thought we were all hoping for a baby in 2011- don't understand why that bothered you so much.
Then why on earth did you not pm her this message? Not exactly your best move if your primary concern is keeping 6+ a drama-free zone.
Okay, here's the thing. We've ALL been through hell. We've ALL had a "I really wanted a 2005, 2009, 2011, whatever baby. It sucks every month & in some ways it sucked more a year ago for me than it does now. It all sucks. This needs to be a safe place where we can all come & vent, biitch, celebrate, & cry together without worrying about how we say things.
That said, I know Laura's usually supportive & I haven't been around all the time anymore so I might not know the whole story.
My point was that it shouldn't be a clique. She looks to me like that is what she tries to turn it into. And I know exactly what empathetic means. Empathy is to be able to put yourself in someone else's shoes. I have told suntoto many different times that I am sorry for what she has gone through. I do understand it must be hard. And if I offended you with my op- I apologize. That really was not my intention. I get it that a lot of you have been trying longer than me. I wish none of us were here.
And I didn't pm her because she hasn't pm'd me any of things she has said over and over. I am not going to sit here and be bullied by her.
I accept your apology. I know that the ladies here have gone through hell- including you. I was just really dissapointed this morning and needed to vent. It never crossed my mind that me venting about my feelings about not having a baby in 2011 would come across like I was whining about something trivial to those who have been trying longer. I am sorry that it came off that way. I won't post on this board anymore, because it obviously bothers some of you. I would like to leave without an enemy. My stomach has been in knots all afternoon because of this.
Good luck to you with your IVF. I hope this will be the end of your nightmare.
I am not saying go away, Penny. I know you have been to a hellish place. I never ever meant to bully, either. This goes back to when you first came on here, and I said there is a difference between actively and wanting... this is the difference- understand a mentality that only occurs when you have been doing this for so long. You have been through the 7th level of hell, and I get that, but you also haven't been dealing with BFN, after BFN X6- it's a different level of hell. Granted I am not trying to do an "us" vs "them" but rather put into words what is hard to describe. I don't want your stomach to be in knots and I don't want you to feel unsupported, but I also dearly hope you never have to experience so many BFFN's. I hope you get your 2011 baby, I think we all do. But all I ask is understand the difference between wanting and actively trying, b/c it is a huge difference.
I mean this in the most positive way possible: I hope you don't have to TTC as long as +6 months and I honestly envy you for not having tried as long. Seriously.
Okay, thanks. I know we have a completely different view from each other, because we have experienced completely different things. I think I will stay off the board for now. Again, good luck to you and everyone else here.
Please stay. Again i am sorry for coming across as a bully. I really did not mean it that way. Sometimes my blunt honesty can offend. I don't mean it to, but it does.