I feel like a failure...

Rinny22 · February 2011

for not always knowing what my son needs, or how to soothe him...Is this normal "mommy guilt"?

Tonight we went to my IL's for dinner since DH is outta town and DS was super upset, I mean like screaming...He was fed, changed, burped, I swaddled him, unswaddled him, rocked him, nothing was working...MIL looked at me like I am a horrible mom....then made some stupid comments about how if only I was FF she would help. I debated about leaving right away or attempting to calm him, when MIL said, maybe you should take him home...so I did...but I feel TERRIBLE!

I feel like My IL's think I'm incompetent....and my poor DS, he did calm down and fall asleep at home, I think he was just overtired. I never thought I would be embarrased about my crying baby, but I sure did feel judged, and embarrased of myself....BOOO! Sad

felecia=2 · February 2011

screw your mil....and yes, it happens, and you are absolutely not a failure. I have a 2 year old, and one on the way, and there are still times i have no idea what my TODDLER wants. Ith happens. your in laws were very outta line imo. I mean first-time parenting is already hard enough....destroying your confidence as a mother crosses the line. All anyone can ever ask of you as a parent is to do your best as a mother, which I am sure you are doing. I just wish you had a better support system. Cheer Up, Buttercup!!!

liannemarie82 · February 2011

Sometimes all a baby wants is to be in their own home/bed. My DS is pretty upset when we go anywhere because he just wants to cuddle up and take a nap and not be out! They are still getting use to their digestive systems and being outside the womb that they themselves don't even know what they want.You are both getting to know each other and it does take a little time. Being my 3rd, I am still getting to know my son. You are not a bad mother, and you have the support on here. I have come to realize after having 3 babies, that a lot of people forget what having a baby is like. They most likely went through the same things and they just forget that part. Cheer up, it will get easier! Newborn stage is so many different things!

geminibrooke · February 2011

You just need to remember that it isn't anything you are doing and you are a great mom and learning to get better every day. That is what I have to tell myself occasionally. Even with no one to judge, we had some cluster feeding tough evenings this week and it was so frustrating to watch him want his bottle but cry through it and not know what would help! DH and I just had to tagteam when one gave up trying to soothe him. I was on my own tonight and he was much better. I think it was because I didn't try to do anything with him today outside of the house. He is just too popular and I am realizing he is probably too young to have so much activity and stimulation. It is sooo hard to say no when he is the first grand child on both sides of the family. Everything is a learning experience!!

kensbride08 · February 2011

eww your MIL sounds like a terrible person

LordValuemart · February 2011

I remember being up at 2 am staying at my grandparents' for christmas bawling my eyes out because no matter what I did I couldn't calm DS down and I could tell he was tired and I felt like such a failure, too. Newborn stage is tough a lot of times and it can be made tougher if you don't have a good support system, I was lucky and my dad helped me through it, I know in laws (in my case in laws to be) aren't always so kind, my future MIL is a crabby judgmental b*tch most of the time, my future FIL's more understanding, though.

amp2312 · February 2011

Don't feel bad. Our mothers/grandmothers seem to be a different breed of parent these days. He was probably just over tired and a bit over stimulated.

izzourclue · February 2011

What works to soothe DD one day doesn't the next and sometimes they are just inconsolable. Not your fault. And your MIL wouldn't have been able to do anything either. What is it with our mother's generation that is so obsessed with FFing?

yourmom5309 · February 2011

Don't worry. I think most people forget what it is like to be a new parent.

Nurse122705 · February 2011

MILs are notorious for this. Mine lifted my sons clothes to see if he was wearing an undershirt. When he wasn't she told me how he will freeze to death etc. Since he spit up alot she told me it's because he needs formula. She explained (Apparently she's an OBGYN & pediatrician now) that some babies can't have breast milk, they need formula.

Your a wonderful Mom, babies cry. It's the only way they can communicate & sometimes they cry for no reason. MILs are mostly like that & their generation was very pro-formula. We know that BFing is so much better for a child.

After I have gone through personal HELL to EBF & pump when I'm away I feel like crying when she does her FFing speeches. We have made the selfless commitment to be a human cow for our child & they put us down!

Rinny22 · February 2011

Smile Thanks for the encouragement ladies!! It's hard being a new mom...I am always second guessing myself so my IL's attitudes last night just made it worse! DH works long hours (9-9 most days) so I am basically on my own! It's nice to know there's support here and that other mommies are going through this!

Thanks!!

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