I yelled :-( (long mommy rant inside)

bh2720 · February 2011

You guys, I feel like the worst mom ever today.

Warner is doing his best to push everyone of my buttons today and I should be able to realize that he is not even two. I'm the grown up here and should be able to control my emotions/temper. *sigh*

All morning, anytime I asked him to to anything he just ignored me or did the opposite. Finally, I was trying to change his diaper before his nap and he was playing his favorite game "roll into a ball and refuse to let mommy change my diaper". God, it's infuriating. I was trying so hard to be calm because I just don't want him to get a reaction out of me (which I know is what he is doing), but after a full 5 minutes, I just snapped and yelled "Warner, STOP IT!!" And he started crying and I felt like an asshat.

I know that yelling isn't the end of the world, but it's just so immature and I like to think that I have better self-control. And more than anything, I know I'm setting a terrible example--I don't want to Warner do things like that.

I know that we need to go ahead and start implementing the 1-2-3 Magic time-out system, but I keep putting it off because I just feel like he's not ready yet. But I guess the longer I put it off--and the more he is accustomed to there being virtually no consequences to his actions--the worse things will get.

Oh, and it's doubly frustrating for me because he's rarely like this for DH...he saves this kind of behavior for mommy.

Artslvr · February 2011

I totally know that feeling. When I snap at the girls I immediately feel like a jerk afterwards. It was really bad when I was at the end of my pregnancy with DS because I was short tempered with everyone - DH, coworkers - I just had zero patience.

Of course it's totally natural, but I know how you feel. I used to feel guilty when I snapped at my dog (no longer with us) - I'd think "what kind of person yells at a dog?"

Take a breath and cut yourself some slack. Then think about this and have a good laugh - my DH lost his patience the other day and yelled "Stop yelling!" at the girls. Think about it. Yeah, not the brightest parental move.

Finally, I highly recommend 1-2-3 and time outs. I started with both the girls around 18 months and it really worked for us. DD #1 is starting to outgrow it at age 4 - now the best thing to do with her is not a time out, but taking something away. With DD #2 we are still in full-on time out land, as taking things away from her doesn't faze her. Your son and my DD #2 are about the same age (she turns 2 today), so try it. See how it goes.

You are a great mom!!!!

DCtoLowcountry · February 2011

Times like these, I remind myself that perfection is only a word in the dictionary. Everybody gets frustrated - it sounds like a momentary lapse in calmness which you have a plan to address. Hugs.

AgrippaRidesAgain · February 2011

Oh goodness, how I know that feeling! DS has got every one of my buttons on speed dial.

We started 1,2,3 Magic at 18 months and DS got it within a few days. I think Warner is probably ready for it.

eeclem · February 2011

Dude, you lasted longer than I did. This is such a frustrating age - they want to test, test, test you and their boundaries but still don't seem to have a concept of time outs.

I'm curious about this 1 2 3 stuff. Is there really a lot of counting to three involved? I can't put my finger on why I don't like that method, but it rubs me the wrong way.

AgrippaRidesAgain · February 2011

eeclem:
Dude, you lasted longer than I did. This is such a frustrating age - they want to test, test, test you and their boundaries but still don't seem to have a concept of time outs.
I'm curious about this 1 2 3 stuff. Is there really a lot of counting to three involved? I can't put my finger on why I don't like that method, but it rubs me the wrong way.

It's from the book 1,2,3 Magic, and yes, it essentially involves counting to three and if DC doesn't listen, he/she gets a time out. DS generally listens before I get past 1. For severe offenses, he goes straight to time out though. From 18-24 months, the counting acted more as warnings. "No hitting. That's one. If I get to three you have time out" DS never took it as an opportunity to hit two more times--he'd stop at one or possibly two. By 24 months though, hitting/pushing/kicking/etc. became immediate time out offenses and counting was used for not listening.

magkenz · February 2011

I know the feeling! The fact that you felt bad afterwards means you are a good mom. A bad mom could care less. I'll have to look up that 1,2,3 thing and see if I can try it myself. I snapped at my 20 mth old son yesterday and need to learn better tactics too. I have read somewhere of a good tip that I am trying: say your son's age when you get mad. Like "Stop it! What are you? 1?" When I do that, it makes me realize that oh yeah, he IS only 1 and I take it less personal with that perspective.

vtkgirl77 · February 2011

Definitely cut yourself some slack because we all lose it a bit from time to time. We are all human, not perfect mommy robots with no emotions. I had a wresting match last night with DD on the changing table and I about lost it too so, I know how you feel. The key is that you are cognizant of your emotions and that you are problem solving and trying to figure out what to do in the future. To me, *those* are the signs of a great mom. So, you are doing just fine and shouldn't beat yourself up about it.

Artslvr · February 2011

eeclem:

Dude, you lasted longer than I did. This is such a frustrating age - they want to test, test, test you and their boundaries but still don't seem to have a concept of time outs.

I'm curious about this 1 2 3 stuff. Is there really a lot of counting to three involved? I can't put my finger on why I don't like that method, but it rubs me the wrong way.

Hey, don't knock it till you've tried it. Stick out tongue

You have to read the book for the whole scoop, because it's not as simple as counting to three and then time out, because the book would be one page long. The book walks you through the psychology of the kid, the psychology of the parent, and helps you understand how not to lose your cool as the parent. It gives examples for lots of kids' ages - as the kids get older, the time out becomes less effective and taking away privileges works better.

ch ch ch chia · February 2011

Well, they are at the "testing" stage. At least Warner doesn't look at you, with his hands on his hips, saying "NO diaper. NO night-night. NO clean-up." That's my little diva for you. LOL.

eeclem · February 2011

Artslvr:
eeclem:

Dude, you lasted longer than I did. This is such a frustrating age - they want to test, test, test you and their boundaries but still don't seem to have a concept of time outs.

I'm curious about this 1 2 3 stuff. Is there really a lot of counting to three involved? I can't put my finger on why I don't like that method, but it rubs me the wrong way.

Hey, don't knock it till you've tried it.

You have to read the book for the whole scoop, because it's not as simple as counting to three and then time out, because the book would be one page long. The book walks you through the psychology of the kid, the psychology of the parent, and helps you understand how not to lose your cool as the parent. It gives examples for lots of kids' ages - as the kids get older, the time out becomes less effective and taking away privileges works better.

I'll have to pick it up. I see it rec'd a lot. I don't know - I just have bad images of ineffective parents counting desperately to 10. Or one and half, one and three quarters . . .

tracy042206 · February 2011

I consider myself an incredibly patient person. I also hate conflict and yelling with a passion - I grew up with a lot of yelling and hitting and do not want a repeat of that for my own kids. However we all just hit a breaking point at some time and yelling occasionally happens to everyone. I also rec 1-2-3 Magic. It really gives them a chance to listen, although for us hitting is an immediate TO but most things like asking Maggie to do just about anything gets a count if she ignores me. For some reason the numbers get her attention way more than me trying to say "I am serious" or "I mean it" - although it was kind of cute when Maggie was little and asked if she was serious too.

Sofka · February 2011

you are human!

as for 1-2-3, we are trying it and it's working sometimes, but not always. It's especially frustrating when the LO yells "no time out" - everything is a "no."

AgrippaRidesAgain · February 2011

eeclem:
Artslvr:
eeclem:

Dude, you lasted longer than I did. This is such a frustrating age - they want to test, test, test you and their boundaries but still don't seem to have a concept of time outs.

I'm curious about this 1 2 3 stuff. Is there really a lot of counting to three involved? I can't put my finger on why I don't like that method, but it rubs me the wrong way.

Hey, don't knock it till you've tried it.

You have to read the book for the whole scoop, because it's not as simple as counting to three and then time out, because the book would be one page long. The book walks you through the psychology of the kid, the psychology of the parent, and helps you understand how not to lose your cool as the parent. It gives examples for lots of kids' ages - as the kids get older, the time out becomes less effective and taking away privileges works better.
I'll have to pick it up. I see it rec'd a lot. I don't know - I just have bad images of ineffective parents counting desperately to 10. Or one and half, one and three quarters . . .

Definitely get the book. I haven't ever had any problems with extending my counting or following through with the resulting time out. My biggest problem is staying calm while counting and not immediately jumping to three and throwing him in time out.

rnin02 · February 2011

Sometimes my 2 year old makes me act like I'm a 2 year old! I wouldn't feel guilty for long, I'm sure Warner has forgotten the whole incident by now. Its a hard age, I think we need to look into the 1 2 3 book here too:)

bh2720 · February 2011

Thanks, ladies! As always, you all are so wonderful and supportive :-)

H and I need to do a little refresher on the 1-2-3 Magic, but I think we make start it over the weekend.

Useonfire · February 2011

Yeah, I think I've snapped at DS at least 2 or 3 times in the last 6 months or so :P I keep telling myself that he won't remember it the next day (he doesn't really) and it makes me feel better in the moment to let out my frustration (wrong, I know). Sometimes it even stuns him from whatever he's doing. However, the worst is when I have yelled at him and he laughs - like he thinks it's a game. Not cool! I know that as he enters the age of 2 or 3 I will really need to find a better outlet... lately though, I've just been completely ignoring him. Last night, he was SCREAMING while we were cooking dinner because he was starving and his snacks weren't cutting it. I had to simply ignore him (which is so hard to do) but it did work.

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