Ugh bummed and disappointed in myself! :(

Balou127 · February 2011

Hi ladies. From the beginning of my pregnancy I decided I really wanted to BF exclusively. But when LO and I tried nursing at the hospital she had zero interest in it. She had trouble passing meconium and was giving formula from the start because of the nursing issues. I also have flat nipples and even though LO tried with the nipple shield, she wasn't very interested. But we kept trying. My milk didn't even come in until 3 days after we got home from the hospital also. For the first month we continued to try to nurse every chance we got, with little success. So I pumped my butt off but still couldn't get enough to satisfy her so we supplemented with similac.

Now I have noticed my supply is seriously dwindling to almost nothing. I was getting a good supply to keep on hand and now I barely get anything at all when I pump regularly. Sometimes i pump really long sessions and still almost nothing. I drink a ton of water throughout the day, we still try to nurse but im not getting nearly enough and both she and I are getting seriously frustrated. So LO is on almost all formula now. I REALLY wanted to breastfeed exclusively and I came to terms with having to supplement but now it seems like it will be all formula from now on.

At her doc appt last week she had gained a good amount of weight and the doc said shes flourishing and everything is great, to keep doing what i am doing. I told her about whats going on and she said not to beat myself up, it is what it is. That I should just be thrilled that she got almost all BM for her first month. But I can't help but feel so down and bummed that I can't give LO just BM. I talked to an LC several times and she said to keep trying or just come to terms with it. Has anyone else had this happen? Or changed their original plan? Like I said before, LO is doing great and she has no trouble on the formula but I just really wanted to BF her for at least the first 3 months and im just so bummed about it all. Any thoughts or advice? Thanks ladies!!

momranda · February 2011

I also tried to just breastfeed. My son latched on just fine, the issue was the fact that I simply did not produce enough milk to keep him satisfied. My left side produced nothing, even with constant pumping to stimulate production, and the right side would produce maybe 1oz after 30-45 minutes of pumping. My son was jaundiced, and I supplemented with similac at the hospital to help flush the jaundice out so I could bring him home when I was discharged (the nurse mentioned keeping him there to stay under the light and I did not want that happening) and I feel like that did mess things up a little bit. He got used to 2oz of formula ever two hours, and was never satisfied with breast feeding. I ended up stopping a few days ago, and he really doesnt seem too phased by this. I however feel like I failed him, and didnt try hard enough to get breast feeding to work. Everyone I talk to tells me its not for everyone, but I know how you feel since you tried so hard to make it work!

lildevil968 · February 2011

Lurking....but I went through the same thing when LO was around a month old. I barely had a milk supply, and when I was put on medication for a severe uterine infection, it basically killed my supply. I went from pumping 3 oz's at a time, to pumping a half an ounce each session. I would try and put LO at the breast, and he would just scream. I finally decided to give it up a few days later, and we went straight to formula. A few weeks after that I decided to try and relactate, which didn't work either. If you are feeling that bummed about it, I would try some of the other techniques to try and boost your supply, and help you out. The breastfeeding board is great with advice.

Balou127 · February 2011

Thanks

Lo was also jaundice and was on similac in the hospital. Her billi numbers doubled the day after we brought her home so we had to bring her back to the hospital to be put under the lights over night. It killed me to leave her but we knew she needed it. I just hope that having her on the bottles of similac from the start didnt mess up the BFing.

ugh

MrsDe2008 · February 2011

I know how it feels. DD was in the NICU for 4 days and formula fed while I pumped, so she had total nipple confusion by the time we started trying to BF. I too wanted to EBF, but due to the circumstances, that didn't happen. Thankfully, I am able to pump and give her that, but it is definitely a lot of work. How often were you pumping? I've noticed that since I started pumping every 2-3 hours vs. every 4 or more, my supply has gone up quite a bit. Have you also looked into anything to boost your supply, like fenugreek or mother's milk? The girls on the BF board talk about those things all the time...maybe something like that will help you. Definitely check out the BF board...they're very knowledgable over there. Good luck!

LordValuemart · February 2011

I went through the same thing, and I had to come to terms with it, I just don't produce enough to satisfy my little one, even with supplements and pumping my butt off between feedings to help keep my supply up, my supply has dwindled to next to nothing, so I feed him what I can, and give him formula the rest of the time. I was really disappointed in myself at first too, but there's no use in stressing over what you can't help, if you can increase your supply through supplements, that's great, but if you can't, it's not the end of the world. It truly is what it is, and you can choose to either go with the flow or mope because things didn't go as planned, but in the end your little one and you will be much happier if you just do what keeps your baby flourishing, your baby doesn't know the difference between breast milk and formula, all your baby knows is that you love them and you'll try to do the very best for them, and that's all that matters.

Luvsox09 · February 2011

Im right there with ya, but it also sounds like neither of us are alone.

I wanted to EBF, but with not enough initial supply and flat/inverted nipples, Id been having trouble also. (and crying quite a bit!) Ive basically come to the conclusion that I will pump, bottle feed and supplement with formula as needed. My epiphany came when I used shields (my nipples were DESTROYED at one point, and are still healing), and pumped after feeding LO. What was pumping was NOT hindmilk as expected, and I realized he had hardly eaten. I was devastated and came to the conclusion I had to do whatever it took, my pride be damned. You will figure out what works and go with it...whatever you do to care for LO isnt wrong! GL!

LordValuemart · February 2011

Also until my LO got used to breastfeeding I used Medela soft nipple shells, they're these things you wear in your bra that put pressure around your nipple to make it poke out more, they're GREAT for flat nipples, my right nipple is flat and that's what worked for me. They were a HUGE PITA but it was worth it because it helped my LO latch on without use of a nipple shield.

Baby Bouchard · February 2011

Joining you as well. I wanted to EBF but from the start there were issues. I recently rented a hospital grade pump to try to increase my supply and even with that and Fenugreek I'm getting no where. I've got a small amount of BM each morning so if she's in a good mood and not fussy I do breast feed her until it runs out and then she gets a bottle too. She won't latch any other time during the day. Don't beat yourself up, I did and it solved nothing. Just know that your doing the best you can and a healthy, thriving baby, no matter how they are being feed is a good thing.

shana0805 · February 2011

I have tried to breast feed and it's been a week since my DD was born. She was shipped out to another hospital due to fluid in her lungs so I was unable to get her to the breast. I tried to when she came home but due to me being anemic it has been a struggle since then and I have come to terms with it and I am fine because I see she is gaining weight and she has grown a half inch.

Don't beat yourself up over it, you tried your best.

Balou127 · February 2011

Thank you everyone for all your wonderful responses. I do just have to come to terms with it. It is what it is. I am doing by best for her and she is doing fantastic! Right now im still pumping. She is getting about 30% breastmilk and the rest formula but i am trying to increase the amount of BM the best that i can. But she seems happy with what has been going on, so I can not complain. Like alot of you said, shes getting some bm and thats better than nothing.

Thank you all, and im happy to know I am not alone!! xoxo

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