How do you define "high needs baby"?

3003girl · February 2011

As I am sitting here in my car while LO naps I am wondering - what is a high needs baby? I am inclined to think that I have one while DH does not. Neither of us have been around many babies so we don't really know what is normal.

LO has two speeds - superactive and sleeping. It is really hard to transition her between the two. Our days are nonstop with her - we chase her around and then either wear her or take her for car rides to get her to nap. Just recently she has started to sit still and focus on one toy for a few minutes. She has never liked the swing or bouncy seat. She will sit in them for A few minutes and then starts yelling to get out. She seems very stubborn to me. We have left her with family once and she screamed for four hours until my Sister brought her to me (I was working, and yes she was being held/ comforted the whole time)

she has been on the move since day one - rolled over at 2 mos, was scooting at 4, crawled at 6 and is now cruising and climbing stairs.

the other posts recently started me thinking about the high needs definition. Is this normal? DH and I wonder how anyone gets anything done! Last night was a particularly crappy sleep night so hopefully I make sense. We love her to death but she is exhausting! Are we parent wimps!

skyejo · February 2011

My baby is younger than yours (4 months) and she was really high needs for the first three months. I literally could not set her down. She screamed the second you put her in the swing, bouncer, carseat, crib, etc. I slept with her on my chest for the first 12 weeks because she wouldn't sleep on her back. She is now sleeping on her back but we co-sleep; she wakes up within a few minutes if I lay her down on her back in our bed and I'm not in bed with her.

How do we get things done? We have to wear her! She's a lot better now and can be set down without fussing, but I prefer to wear her as opposed to sitting her down in the bouncy or whatever. I'm actually glad that LO was/is so needy because I think it made me a better mom than I would have been if I had an easy baby that I could set down wherever and whenever.

You're not parent wimps! Taking care of a high needs baby requires a lot of attention and energy! Don't be too hard on yourself, mama

someflower6 · February 2011

ha, your LO sounds like mine!

i used to classify LO as high needs because when she was a newborn she cried so much. it was like she was terrifyed of the world and she constantly needed to be soothed-- hence the high needs. now that she's older, her needs are different, but they're still there, and btw, i also get nothing done when i'm with her. i can't imagine being able to put LO down in a playpen and going off to clean. it just doesn't happen.

hikerbeth · February 2011

I feel that my DD was high-needs as a young infant. Her 2 states of being were: screaming/crying and sleeping.

I had to do the 5 S's to an extreme degree to get her to sleep every time.

I wore her constantly for the first 6 months (and hiked a lot. . . man I was skinny).

She wouldn't take a pacifier and was only calmed by nursing.

Nobody else could hold her without a major scream fest.

She had no independent play time.

My DS is completely opposite. He doesn't really cry. Considers nursing a food source and not a comfort source. Since I went back to my part time work at 6 weeks, he can hang out with anyone and have no problem. He plays independently a lot.

3003girl · February 2011

HI hikerbeth - i sent you a pm a while back b/c you offered me your woombie - not sure if you got the pm. (I had already ordered one with the convertible arms and it is actually helping out a lot) But thank you so much for the offer!

I love how you say "I had to do the 5 S's to an extreme degree to get her to sleep every time." We can't just walk around with our LO, I sometimes have to walk, bounce and nurse for her to calm down!

We do wear her alot, but if she is sleeping we can't alter the status of how she fell asleep - so if i was bouncing her, I have to stay bouncing or she will wake. so it's hard to get anything done while she is being worn if she is sleeping. If she is not sleeping, I can do some things but often she gets bored and wants down. the exception to this is walks outside. so we do walking errands when we can. I am hoping once i learn some back carries this will change. ahh, to dream...

trinny · February 2011

hikerbeth:
I feel that my DD was high-needs as a young infant. Her 2 states of being were: screaming/crying and sleeping.

I had to do the 5 S's to an extreme degree to get her to sleep every time.

I wore her constantly for the first 6 months (and hiked a lot. . . man I was skinny).

She wouldn't take a pacifier and was only calmed by nursing.

Nobody else could hold her without a major scream fest.

She had no independent play time.

My DS is completely opposite. He doesn't really cry. Considers nursing a food source and not a comfort source. Since I went back to my part time work at 6 weeks, he can hang out with anyone and have no problem. He plays independently a lot.

This!

BTW-- My DH didn't think DD was that tough, while I did/do. I think that kind of baby is harder on mom, since they nurse so much and don't nap well-- you never get a break and are the only ones that can calm them! Plus, i don't think the crying bothers the dad as much.

hikerbeth · February 2011

solidio:

HI hikerbeth - i sent you a pm a while back b/c you offered me your woombie - not sure if you got the pm. (I had already ordered one with the convertible arms and it is actually helping out a lot) But thank you so much for the offer!

I love how you say "I had to do the 5 S's to an extreme degree to get her to sleep every time." We can't just walk around with our LO, I sometimes have to walk, bounce and nurse for her to calm down!

I randomly checked my PM's last night and saw yours

5 S's for us = TIGHT swaddle, FAST rocking, nursing and shushing at the same time. Took me a long 10 weeks to figure that out, too.

My DS is SO different. . . I would have 10 babies if they were all like him, but I know better.

LLB430 · February 2011

I remember finding Dr. Sear's characteristics of high needs babies and feeling like I wanted to cry b/c I felt so validated. DD nursed all the time (cluster fed from 6:30 to 11:30 every night nonstop for 10 weeks) couldn't be put down without crying, slept only for only two hours stretches at a time, only on my chest for months. Never once did I ever think I had an easy going baby. It is hard to even believe that if we are blessed with another lo that they won't have the same characteristics. But I am happy that my first was high needs b/c honestly it has made me a better mommy as a previous poster mentioned. DD is such a joy had has an amazing personality (though still high needs) I wouldn't have traded her for the easiest baby in the world:)